NSFW Sunday Is Sexting In Present Tense

Feature image of @msrubyvixen by RodeoH. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are courtesy of RodeoH. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.


Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

+ What tense do you sext in?:

“My friend Sara tells me she’s kind of into the out-of-context sext. She likes to remind her beloved that sex with them is on her brain. She uses it less as the beginning of a mutual storytelling exercise and more of an everyday update of their sexual relationship. ‘So that I can keep them still thinking about me.’ While she admits to using the present tense, she uses it more to state her current thoughts and desires, which we do more naturally in everyday English: something like ‘I want to push you up against a wall’, or ‘I can’t stop thinking about pinning you down on the bed and pulling your hair.’”

+ Another month, another discussion of how much sex everyone else is having and when and with whom, this time focused on millennials. The stats are “puzzling, even to sociologists,” but basically everyone is defaulting to sex because ugh who wants to allow themselves to be vulnerable in anyway, which also makes the sex less hot:

“In other words, a lot of millennials are secretly looking for more, but acting out this performative disinterest to cover egos and asses. And it’s probably not shocking that this rote, utilitarian kind of partner auditioning might not yield the hottest sex, either. ‘If what you’re doing is looking for a partner in a culture that expects you to have sex before expressing romantic feelings, this sex becomes part of the game you’re playing,’ Wade says. So, you wouldn’t necessarily expect the sex to be that great, because you’re just kind of trying people out.’”

+ You can’t control the fact that your partner was in love with other people before you, and worrying about it isn’t going to lead anywhere good, writes Beth McColl at Dazed:

“I know many smart, brilliant, successful girls who feel like exactly like this. Also me! A spaghetti eating buffoon who’s just trying her best to be a person – I also feel like this. I’m cooler than a weasel in a top hat and yet some days I feel so insecure I think my stomach is going to churn my whole entire body into a horrible butter substitute. We’re all blundering through with no clue where it ends, no clue whether we’re fooling anyone, no fucking respite from the feeling that we aren’t doing any of this right.

So let’s work very hard to get through to the smallest, most afraid version of ourselves. Be kinder in your interactions with yourself. Accept that you are ridiculous and you think ridiculous things – but that those ridiculous things are correctable. So get correcting. When spaghetti brain says “I’m not enough” you need to counter it with ‘I understand why you arrived at that conclusion, but it’s false. Now go and have a biscuit and a long walk.’ Because to feel better you need to move. You need to challenge the wrong things you think, scrub the space, and put a nice pot plant or erotic ceramic figurine where that faulty thought used to be.”

+ Go masturbate:

“‘Masturbation is the safest sex you can have,’ Kait said. ‘It teaches you about your body and what gives you pleasure. What positions and techniques you like. There are some things to keep in mind for safety and pleasure reasons. First, keep it private. Second, mix it up. This ensures you don’t fall into a rut or teach your body only one way to experience orgasm. In the moment you may prefer a quick get off, but in the long-term, using different positions, pressures and lube amounts, will help you experience the best orgasms in all kinds of sex.’

Feel free to eat the pizza and pull out your vibrator — sex educator approved.”

+ “Gang bangs are some of the trickiest sex performances to choreograph; the result is a frenzied cacophony of limbs and genitals designed to overstimulate the viewer. It also happens to be my favorite kind of porn to watch while masturbating,” writes Tina Horn at the Establishment.

+ Here’s what it’s like to judge a women’s leather contest.

+ Here are some summer break-up songs.

+ Gonorrhea is getting harder to treat. Oral sex could be to blameSTI-specific dating websites can make disclosure easier.

+ It’s okay if it takes some time to get back in your body after trauma:

“‘The most common difficulty people with past trauma face is trusting a partner,’ says Ajjan. ‘Once you have learned to identify and manage your trauma symptoms and to provide yourself with love, support, and care, then you are ready to embark on dating or on new sexual relationships. Healing from trauma does not happen overnight and cannot be rushed.'”


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carolyn

Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Ryan has written 1135 articles for us.

11 Comments

  1. Wow I’ve been meaning to sit down & google “female death grip real?” cuz I’ve been getting myself off in the same way for years and then i literally read that excerpt of the teen vogue article earlier today and later did some experimenting and had my first ever vaginal orgasm (!) I did not think my body was a body that could do that. So uh, thanks AS/teen vogue
    (WHO KNEW?!!)

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