NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Ruining Romance

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Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Anya Lust lingerie via the lingerie addict

Anya Lust lingerie via the lingerie addict

+ Add porn to the list of things to worry about after January 20, since the definition of “obscenity” is more or less in the eye of the beholder, and the beholder is a huge asshole:

“Fast-forward to August 2016, when Trump signed a pledge drafted by the anti-porn organization Enough Is Enough to ‘aggressively enforce’ federal obscenity laws. He also said he’d likely appoint an attorney general who would make “the prosecution of such laws a top priority.” Now that conservative senator Jeff Sessions has been offered the job, members of the porn industry are starting to wonder what happens if Washington makes good on that promise. […]

Porn legend Nina Hartley referred to the election results as a ‘disaster’ during her interview with the publication.

There’s also a growing fear that Trump’s threats to go after marginalized groups will hinder the development of queer porn, a fast-growing porn genre. Venus Lux told the Daily Beast, ‘As a sex worker, as a woman of color, as a transgender, I don’t have as many options as another person.’ She added, ‘There’s so much misogyny already when it comes to women but it’s double for trans women. Can I survive as a transgender woman of color who is also a sex worker, and how much harder is it going to be now?’”

Nikia_deshawn via rodeoh

Nikia_deshawn via rodeoh

+ Rethink that STI joke. There are lots of other ways to talk about STIs that prioritize awareness instead:

“Changing the perception that STIs are something someone deserves to either have or to be mocked for is vital, as is challenging the notion that these infections are something that only affect a small percentage of the population—statistics clearly dispute that. The steady increase of STIs as a viable realistic plot point rather than as a mere punch line (although, again, the bad punch lines can still give room for awareness and education—because those in the know can shut it down) has given rise to a reality that benefits everyone, one that prioritizes awareness.

Karolina Laskowska via the lingerie addict

Karolina Laskowska via the lingerie addict

+ Have millennials ruined romance? At Guts, Zoé Samudzi examines the idea of relationships through the lens of capitalism:

“The fact that I and other millennials can secure a dinner date or a one-night stand using never before available technologies has not led and is not leading to the destruction of romance. Romance—as dictated by dominant ideas and driven by the desires to peddle consumer goods like household appliances on carefully constructed family units—is an impossible-to-redeem mode of understanding love and intimacy and human interaction taught to us by capitalism.

We generally want to feel lovable, desirable, worthy, and seen, and we are taught that our ability to be any of these things comes, most importantly, from romantic partners. So why wouldn’t young people, in a period of increasingly relentless demands made by late capitalism, use the resources they have at their disposal to feel these intimacies and desirabilities as frequently as possible?”

@bambidoll_ by Hana Haley for alexandreanissa.com

@bambidoll_ by Hana Haley for alexandreanissa.com

+ “Nin’s recently discovered Auletris is third-rail erotica for our time, raising charged issues about women’s sexuality both on and off the page,” writes Laura Frost at the Los Angeles Review of Books.

+ Sleep. Orgasms.

photo of @jessswaitonit via WILLIAM|BEAUPLANT

photo of @jessswaitonit via WILLIAM|BEAUPLANT

+ Movie lesbian sex scenes still mostly suck and turn queer women’s lives into spectacle.

+ Not sure how to start sexting? Here are some suggestions.

+ In Los Angeles on December 4th? The Pleasure Chest is hosting a Dyke Day fundraiser that will include snacks and spanking, 5–8 pm.

+ From Behrouz Gets Lucky, by Avery Cassell:

“Sometimes I craved you when I came home, tired from a day of advising patrons, giving restroom directions, problem-solving minor computer issues, and searching for copies of the latest bestselling romance. Sometimes I craved that moment of perfect domesticity when I’d open my door to the oregano- and tomato-scented smells of minestrone soup wafting from the kitchen, and you in the rust velvet armchair in the living room. I’d fall to my knees on the rough wool of our Tabrizi carpet, start to crawl across the red and gold fibers, imag- ining that moment when I could unbutton your fly and fill myself with your cock as an appetizer. Your pipe would be smoldering in the ashtray, filling the air with the sultry sweet aroma of tobacco and cherry. You’d lean back and spread your denim-clad legs, rubbing your cunt as I approached on my knees, the workday rolling off me the closer I got. Reaching your cunt, I’d rest for a minute, my lips caressing the bulge in your crotch, as grateful for your hand on the back of my neck and your packed jeans as I was for salt. I’d growl softly, nipping at the thick blue fabric, damp from my spit and slightly threadbare from past administrations. You would unbutton your fly slowly, each button releasing a soft pop. I’d cover your cock with my mouth until it reached my throat, then ease up and lick the shaft, lost in your smell and your palm firmly pushing my head into your cunt. Your cock would shove the outside world aside, erasing demanding supervisors, aching joints, and crowded MUNI buses until all that was left was your cock in my throat.”

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Ryan Yates

Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Ryan has written 1142 articles for us.

26 Comments

  1. I especially liked the concluding phrase in the Nin book review: “…the sexiest act of all is empathy.”

  2. Correct me if I am wrong, but I don’t think Avery Cassel is Iranian or Middle Eastern. I didn’t see anything about them being so on their site. It’s great we are in stories, but I want to see it written from middle easterners and not from what I can tell a non-Middle Eastern white queer. But, I could be wrong here.

    • Al – You are not the first person to criticize me for writing about Iran, despite not being Persian. I am not Middle Eastern, but I’m American. I spent most of my childhood in Iran, returning to the States at the age of 16 in 1971. I adored Iran, miss it painfully, and feel that I left part of my heart in that country.

      Behrouz is American, however spent most of their childhood in Iran. I refer to Behrouz as both all American and part-Persian in the book, however have clarified this further in the sequel and stated emphatically that Behrouz is American.

      I would love to see more fiction written by Middle Eastern queers! Middle Eastern queer sensibility is sorely lacking in fiction and is desperately needed. There is room for us all on the shelf.
      Best wishes – Avery

      • Thank you for the reply. What part of Iran did you stay? Many of my family have the same sentiment, but at the same time know it’s not the same place they grew up in or way of life.

        • I lived in Shiraz and Tehran, and during the summer I lived in the country. The Tehran freeway had just opened when we left, and now they have a subway! Have you had the fortune to be able to visit?

  3. Is it all right if I laugh hysterically to tears about the idea of Donald enforcing anti-obscenity laws and that the alleged “moral majority” has the human embodiment of Jabba the Hutt as their champion?

    I’ll start crying soon, I just have to laugh for a while because I can’t handle the increased absurdity of the Upside Down.

  4. I feel like everyone blames millennials for everything. Maybe other generations just had a different definition of love. Maybe capitalism had nothing to do with. Maybe there is nothing wring with not wanting to be in a relationship and just enjoy sex. Technology hasn’t made us incapable of seeing deeper qualities in people, it just made han shallowness more noticeable. But thats just my observation. Generations have differences in how they behave and sex is no different. Ugh.

    • In my opinion our society’s idea of romance, and all of the overblown expectations that go with it, ruins relationships. So if millenials are in fact “ruining” or redefining romance, good for them.

      • I agree. I developed mybown idea of what romance is. I am not the same as every one else, so romance should not be some cookie cutter idea either. I just don’t like the romance is another thing millennials are being critiqued for.

  5. That article about the sex scenes in the Handmaiden, Blue Is the Warmest Color, and Carol is on point!

    • Totally agree! I loved that essay and not just bc it reminded me so much of the type of reading and analysis in my favorite class in undergrad, Global Queer Cinema.

    • A lot of it was great and incredibly nuanced & detailed, but I hate how scissoring always gets talked about as a thing that was made up by men/lesbians don’t do. The writer even calls it out in the headline. Some of us actually do it and like it!

  6. I’m incredibly uncomfortable with the idea that we can tell trans people how they are allowed to discuss themselves. That stuff is highly individual.

    • Except that it’s already a quote! Carolyn’s formatted this in such a way that it is very clearly a specific person’s words. I understand that many people find it offensive, but to me it feels like adding a [sic] every time a civil rights activist uses the N-word in a personal piece. It’s just not our place to police them when it’s very obviously not our own words.

      • And yet all they have asked for is a normal action taken in proper English and citation. It’s a simple measure and one meant to clarify things, with no reason for offense. :)

      • Speaking as an English teacher, [sic] indicates that an error in speech or writing has been made. As a cis person I won’t offer an opinion on whether or not it should be used in this particular instance, but the implication would definitely be more than just a clarification.

      • Thank you for the correction, Chandra!

        Personally, I’m not comfortable with language used as slurs to identify me even if the person using it shares the same identity. Not unless the dialogue is specifically related to discrimination and hate speech.

      • I do understand that perspective, and it is valid. I also recognize the perspective that it could be seen as offensive for Carolyn, a cis woman, to edit a trans woman’s quote with a notation indicating that the words she used to describe herself are incorrect or inappropriate.

  7. Excuse me the sex in Handmaiden was touching, genuine and hella erotic, I will fight anyone who says it was lame just because they did some scissoring at the end of it.

  8. I hadn’t heard of other women having sleep orgasms. Usually it has happened by waking up touching myself but I recently had a completely spontaneous one where I wasn’t and wasn’t dreaming either.

Comments are closed.