NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Resisting Indoctrination

Feature image of Scout and Lew Pine in Crash Pad Series episode 227. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Betty Blac and Kitty Stryker

Betty Blac and Kitty Stryker in Crash Pad Series episode 132

Queer BDSM and sex work can help you resist indoctrination, writes Tina Horn at Hazlitt:

“My own need for assurance that I’m not being indoctrinated borders on the neurotic. BDSM soothes that neurosis with a sometimes-comical amount of built-in processing. Scene negotiation and safe words and consent check-ins can feel invigorating even if they’re also tedious at times. Ultimately, they offer an infrastructure of individual agency and subcultural accountability: the opposite of discipling. Speaking with Dr. Lalich reassured me that my sexual experimentations have given me the tools to resist abuse rather than make me more vulnerable to seduction. My parents and their cult background gave me a counter-model, a way not to be.”

Chocolate Chip and Tastee Treasures

Chocolate Chip and Tastee Treasures in Crash Pad Series episode 182

If you’re a queer cis woman with a trans woman in your sex life, Ana Valens at Allure has the guide for you. Spoiler alert: education and communication are key:

“We know what it’s like to have a lot of awkward, uncomfortable questions about trans bodies, because we’ve spent most of our lives asking the same exact ones. In other words, we get that you may be nervous about fucking up or saying something shitty. Or you may feel a little overwhelmed because sapphic trans sex is an entirely new sexual experience. All of that is fine. But it’s also why communication is so important.

While I can’t speak for all of us, queer trans women generally don’t expect cis women to be professionals with our bodies during their first few times. Once sex is on the table, we’re open to answering questions about how our bits work, what we need to enjoy ourselves, how we like to be played with, and what crosses a line. For instance, if you don’t know whether we want our genitals to be touched or played with, go ahead and ask. If you don’t know what words we prefer for our penises, talk to us. And if you don’t know how to go down on a trans girl, be honest. We’ll sit down with you and work things out.”

For further specific tips, check out Mey’s guide to lesbian sex with a trans woman.

Butch Stud and subMissAnn

Butch Stud and subMissAnn in CrashPadSeries episode 228

Sometimes it’s hard to give feedback during sex. At Allure, Vanessa Marin gives advice on how to make it easier:

Here’s one of the things that most people get wrong about feedback: You’re not giving your partner a detailed, itemized, step-by-step description of exactly what to do. Instead, you’re sharing your feelings, desires, and experiences with your partner in the moment. It’s feedback, not instructions. […]

Additionally, remember that by sharing a piece of feedback with your partner, you’re not promising that you’ll absolutely love what it ends up feeling like. It’s fine to ask for something, then tell your partner that you’d like to try something different. For example, you can ask your partner to try holding your hands above your head during sex, then realize you don’t actually like that and ask them to touch your body instead. Feedback is a suggestion, not a guarantee.”

Daisy Ducati and Ella Nova

Daisy Ducati and Ella Nova in Crash Pad Series episode 186

Sleep deprivation can be part of abuse. A partner who won’t let you fall asleep or who insists you wake up when they do can be just as insidious as one you don’t feel safe sleeping around, even if it seems like “not a big deal or whatever” if you explain it to people:

“Imposing sleep deprivation on someone isn’t a crime in and of itself, Tetlow said in an interview, but that’s why the analogy of torture and domestic violence works. Domestic violence generally is a pattern crime, similar to stalking. “Any one act in isolation will not seem that egregious. It is the context of the pattern of behaviors and the intent of those behaviors and their cumulative impact that really makes it terrible.”

Tetlow acknowledged that sleep deprivation is one of those abusive tactics that may not seem like that big of a deal on its own. But it is an effective way to render somebody unable to function and make good judgments.”

Here’s how to date or not date again after your gay breakup, in case you missed it.

“At first, kissing is a commitment device that signals getting over disgust. Later, when you’re no longer kissing, it may be a sign that disgust has taken back over.”

Check out this gender-assumption-free sex toy.

Don’t hang out in a wet bathing suit.

“In the dark, unknowing can look like your body failing you, like love leaving you, like every chance you’ve ever had is the last one you’re going to get. But, held up to the light, unknowing can be a kind of permission,” writes Gala Mukomolova at Nylon.

Carolyn Yates was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She lives in Los Angeles by way of Montreal and Toronto. Find her on twitter or instagram.

Carolyn has written 965 articles for us.

6 Comments

    • I finally got a one piece that fits my torso! I went to a pool party last week but was too scared to wear it 🙁 Next time! And I don’t want another yeast infection, so yes this is important info.

  1. I read Anna Valens on the Daily Dot too. I liked her articles, and many of the links were to articles and authors I’d never read before, so that was super helpful! I’m recently post op so I am VORACIOUS for exactly this material.

  2. I’m not fond of someone dissin’ kissin’ ! I’m not sure disgust is what causes less kissing between long-term partners. To me it felt like the intimacy was displaced into so many other areas, the body became a kind of a “chaste” zone. And other feelings creep in too, drowning out the signal.

    I LOVE the Enby, crazy inspirational !

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