WOMEN’S WATER POLO: USA vs HUNGARY
Brandy: I don’t know why they wear those hats. Maybe in case some big Hungarian bitch boxes their ears.
Julie: Now this is like an Olivia pool game Yes. Cauliflower ears.
Julie: They’re like treading water the whole time.
Brandy: It’s like soccer in the water?
Julie: But not with feet.
Brandy: Dumb. There’s an underwater pussy camera!!! And you can get really good labia shots!
Julie: They should keep the camera underwater.
Brandy: And butt crack shots.
Julie: Pooossyy show.
Brandy: Pussy show!
Julie: Water pussy.
Brandy: They look like gross heathens above water, but beneath the water they all look sexy!!!
Julie: I wish they were just standing on the floor. Like if the water was 2 feet deep.
Brandy: This is like Olympic lez porn.
Julie: They’re like water centaurs. Or people mullets. Gross on top. Hot on the bottom
Brandy: Yes! Above water this shit just looks unorganised. It literally looks like someone’s backyard pool with losers playing pool soccer.
Julie: Yeah it really does. Who the hell is that coach? He looks like a weirdo that goes to a public pool and just yells.
Brandy: I can’t believe this is real. They just need to keep showing the puss and the butts or I’m outta here!
Julie: The narrators keep comparing them to the men. Like sorry – go get gay and leave us alone. I would take the hat off if I were sitting on the bench.
Brandy: Maybe it’s a pain to put back on. I wish you were there in the hat and a one piece wrestling around with a Hungarian in the water.
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Brandy: Something inside me really takes issue with seeing a man telling women in bathing suits what to do.
Julie: NO shit! I’m so annoyed by this sack talking. And I hate men coaches with female teams across the board. Oh wait I just hate men. Bada ba baaaaaaa. Taptap
Brandy: It’s worse when they’re in bathing suits.
Julie: Ure right
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Brandy: Can you believe this is real?? Like- ladies in bathing suits wresting each other in a pool?
Julie: No. Can you believe they’re taking about pinching and pulling and shit.
Brandy: They aren’t telling any Olympic type stories to endear any of the girls. So all I can do is try and find good-looking ones, but I’m zoning out.
Julie: God this sport is boring.
Brandy: I’m doing laundry. And sadly- that’s more interesting than this game. At least USA is winning. You must be multi-tasking 900 things while you watch this shit. I’m so gassy.
Julie: What are you gassy from today? I’m applying online to Starbucks. This is happening. I mean, not even a callback from fucking Ralph’s!
Brandy: I’m gassy from eating peppers I think. This is so far the boringest Olympic event we’ve watched. I’d rather marry volleyball and have a thousand of it’s babies than ever watch this again. Fuck this. I’d change the channel but Panda is laying on the remote.
Brandy:
Brandy: I feel like runners have got the shortest life spans. I don’t know why. It’s just my instinct. Okay, it’s over. Did we win?
Julie: We won
Brandy: We won. 14-13. I guess that’s a close game, but it was more relaxing than ambien.
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Intern Geneva is killin it with these graphicz!
was just gonna say that, I was snortlaughing
THE POMMEL HORSE
Intern Geneva wins the Gold of my heart!
Also, Julie referring to their uniforms as “costumes” kills me.
yes! can we all agree intern geneva wins the olympic event of “photoshopping julie & brandy into the best graphics ever”?
Reading this was in equal parts like being on acid and being snuggled up in bed with your best friends talking total shit.
In a good way.
i feel you
i was about to say, there was nooo way all of this happened while sober. it was too amazing
Pretty sure that was, verbatim, my inner-monologue during women’s volleyball.
i love mackayla too! i noticed her ponytail first and then her awesome eye makeup and tough-haughty-cute facial expressions.
“God if just one boob would pop out it’d be legendary. But they are IN there.”
love you guys
I haven’t even gotten halfway through reading this, but all I can say is THANK YOU INTERN GENEVA! I have never looked so fit and so trim. Each new picture I see includes a tinier and more thin me!
And thank you Laneia! No one should have to read thru 20 hours me and Julie’s bbms. You deserve ALL the golds!
i would do this twice a week if i could.
I would pay money to be able to do that
omg new indiegogo perk??
love this. especially “Ground control to Logan Tom”
Love this, and obviously Gabby Douglas is my favorite gymnast. Her nickname is the Flying Squirrel, you can’t beat that.
Isn’t Gogo in Kill Bill 1 only..? idk
ok and YES, it is worse when a male coach is telling girls in swimsuits what to do. it just is.
omg teeny tiny cupcake butts!!
i died at “I always wanted to play a sport where I wore goggles because I’m cautious and aggressive all at once.”
and then i thought about carol. who didn’t wear safety googles. now she doesn’t have to.
omg i forgot all about carol.
“But I wanna wear the pants and the tank top and do that thing they do with their legs on the horse…What’s that called? Scissoring.” – my personal favorite
also the graphics. did i mention i LOVE the graphics?!
“Are there more lesbians in soccer or volleyball?”
Maybe you need to do an exhaustively comprehensive survey. For science.
just wait till the next summer olympics, when WOMEN’S RUGBY IS INCLUDED!
You guys, I am so glad I read this while high. This is everything I need. fish sandwich.
Also, there’s an athlete named Regina George (she competes in the 400m)… REGINA GEORGE, you guys!
Lol Julie’s whole Family Feud team is alcohol.
Also, butts.
I thought the judges’ faces in the background of that photo of Gymnast MacKayla were graphics. no lie.
this is a testament both to the graphics and to the cartoonish power of the olympics to distort normal facial expressions.
OMG me too!!
“She was the front runner and the favorite and the Jew came in and jacked it. Per Usz.”
Am I seriously the only one who read this, stopped for a minute, reread it with my mouth wide open, and got really fucking upset?
I didn’t realize that anti-Semitic commentary was acceptable here. And no, “it’s a joke” doesn’t work. This is seriously, seriously hurtful. I feel tremendously betrayed by a community that says that it’s accepting and tolerant of all people. Not okay.
I mean Julie Goldman is Jewish. So that’s a thing.
lol I love how I’m not the only one wondering who’s gay and who’s not on the ladies teams. I don’t like sports, but somehow soccer and basketball is a lot more enjoyable to watch when women are playing ;)
and wtf is with the butt tapping?
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