How Do You Stop from Scrolling: More Internet Haikus

re: the raya app
the dating app for celebs
is nothing sacred

also re: raya
the dating app for celebs
can we have one thing

please read a fav tweet
“albert nobbs 2: still nobbin'”
at my funeral

on The Daily Mail
how do you stop from scrolling
do you just die first

driving irl
i saw a “men working” sign
and heard, “…actually”

no disrespect but
no one needs to post their tweet
on their instagram

my unhinged old boss
is trolling me on linkedin
anyone relate

uberprints workers:
who of you judged my designs
was it all of you

hey, gary sinise
uberprints denied your face
on a baby’s bib

when carrie bradshaw
tries to hide from an email
that’s me with snapchat

politicians’ tweets
that try to be too wacky
make me feel unsafe

know who missed vine fame?
that white girl from missy’s vids
turnt ships in the night

more corgis in memes
really what can’t those dogs do
less pugs sorry/thanks

i haven’t made friends
in real life settings in years
thank you internet

i often wonder
when celebs say something wild
ever pop online?

twitter can be great
but sometimes a tweet’s so bad
i say “no” out loud

it’s upsetting but
i have no doubt this exists:
trivago daddy

a lone winky face
in facebook’s “other” inbox
is a threat, michael

the thumbnail version
of your profile pic still up
tells me so, so much

leaning in online
means not waiting for twitter
verify yourself

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!


Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.


  1. Why do celebs need a dating app? Can’t they just hook up w/each other in the bathrooms @ the Oscars? I hate everything.

  2. ‘twitter can be great
    but sometimes a tweet’s so bad
    i say “no” out loud’

    YES good lord so many horrendous takes on that thing

    Erin, you are a genius

  3. how CAN we verify ourselves? i’m a celeb in my own right, i shouldn’t have to wait for twitter. how dare they

Comments are closed.