Glee Episode 417 Recap: Guilty Pleasures Zig-A-Zig-Ah

We then put on gas masks and run like wild banshees in our underpants all the way through the great boring Pennsylvania flatlands until we arrive at the Bushwick Barbie Dreamhouse Loft, where Santana’s moved in and is paying rent, which means she’s got lots of feelings about her allotted shelf-space in the bathroom. It’s super cute, like they’re just girlfriends on their own in the big city! I’ve been waiting for so long for this moment.

you promised to call time warner this time don't you dare back out on me, gaymo

you promised to call time warner this time don’t you dare back out on me, gaymo

Kurt insists Santana keeps her lips sealed about his “BFF’s BF and his man-whoring ways” ’til after Rachel’s Funny Girl audition, ’cause nobody casts Crying Desperately Girl as Funny Girl, yannow? Santana teases Rachel Berry when she emerges from the shower in her shower cap and towel, and Rachel reminisces about Geyerdean:

Rachel: “You know we first met in the bathroom, bonding over our moisturizing ritual?”
Santana: “Wow, that sounds really not romantic and also very very gay. Is that why he left, huh? Did he finally admit to having a boyfriend on the side.”
Rachel: “You know he didn’t actually say why.”

although i did think it was weird so much of his moisturizer doubled as massage oil

although i did think it was weird so much of his moisturizer doubled as massage oil

Santana insists Rachel doesn’t need Geyerdean’s friendship ’cause she’s got friends like Santana, with whom she can sneak into Kurt’s quarters with a bowl of water and inspire him to wet the bed! Obviously this is just an excuse to have them catch Kurt with Bruce The Mini-Boyfriend.

oh my god he's dismembered the Blaine Warbler Real Doll and sold it for parts

oh my god he’s dismembered the Blaine Warbler Real Doll and sold it for parts

Adorably flummoxed, Lady Hummel attempts to justify the seductive power of arm-pillow advertising.

Kurt: “His name is Bruce, and we’re exclusive.”

oh my god he's wearing a commitment ceremony ring

oh my god the pillow is wearing a promise ring


We then attach magical rubber suction springs to the bases of our white high-tops, put on our bunny ears and hop on back to Lima, Ohio, home to above-average-for-the-region tornado activity, where Sam’s confessing his love for Barry Manilow to all the Glee Clubbers on payroll this week.

i like big butts and i cannot lie. that's all there is to it.

i like big butts and i cannot lie. that’s all there is to it.

Sam then performs Barry Manilow’s tropical hit “Copacabana” with two giant dodo birds on his arms while everybody else gets super-wacky and fun.

heal the world! make it a better place! for you and for me and these two birds on my arm!

heal the world! make it a better place! for you and for me and these two birds on my arm!

nope you don't have cheetos breath

nope you don’t have cheetos breath

and this is how i charm snakes

and this is how i charm snakes

The original, by Barry Manilow from 1978:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D8955_YASoQ

The Glee version:
http://youtu.be/YNVZHSJzIkQ

Turns out everybody loves Barry Manilow because this show was written by grown-ups.

come on just put one of these in my butt for a second, i'm just curious

come on just put one of these in my butt for a second, i’m just curious

Ryder Bieber-Strong says he’d be rocking the Barry Manilow cut if it was the ’70s. Sometimes when Ryder talks he sounds like an actor who is really stressed about forgetting his line halfway through. You know what I mean?


Cut to the Auditorium, where the ladies are hopping around like little animals, debating whether or not it’s racist for Unique to be Scary Spice.

who wants to have armpit sex???

who wants to have armpit sex???

Brit-Brit: “Mercedes, I don’t think that you should be Scary Spice just because you’re black.”
Unique: “Excuse you?”
Brit-Brit: “I think it’s really racist that the Scary Spice is the only black one.”
Fake Quinn: “Marley should be Posh Spice because you’re so skinny and you make everyone uncomfortable.”

Ha!

yawn

ok i’m gonna stay perfectly still and you’re gonna throw a grape into my mouth

This pretty party is interrupted by Tina, who confesses that she doesn’t even know what to say about what she just saw.

it was the script from last week's episode and oh  my goddess you guys i cannot believe we said those lines

it was the script from last week’s episode and oh my goddess you guys i cannot believe we said those lines

We then zoom speedily into the Hallowed Hallways of McKinley High School for Wayward Boy-Toys where Marley-Kate gets all up in New Puck’s face, bursting with angry feminist rage (my favorite kind of rage, honestly):

oh fuck this is the same face she made at me when i said i wanted to work at american apparel

oh fuck this is the same face she made at me when i said i wanted to work at american apparel

Marley: “Tell me it’s not true. Tell me you’re not singing a Chris Brown song.”

you promised to sing the indigo girls for me, asshole!

you promised to sing the indigo girls for me!!!!!

The ensuing commercial break was possibly the most tense commercial break of my entire life, so petrified was I with fear that Glee would be planning to sell a Chris Brown cover on iTunes, an endeavor which would’ve likely benefited Chris Brown financially.


We return from aforementioned commercial break to Ryder Bieber-Strong’s favorite computer lab, the library, although Ryder Bieber-Strong is nowhere to be seen. Maybe he’s hunting for katie_xoxo in the wild. But look! It’s Gay Blaine, catching up on Goosebumps!

bro don't write this shit off, it's pretty fucking scary

bro don’t write this shit off, it’s pretty fucking scary

Sam shows up to demand Gay Blaine reveal yet another guilty pleasure, because apparently WHAM! isn’t pleasurable enough. Meanwhile, Sam probably watches A Clay Aiken Christmas featuring Barry Manilow in the shower and deserves to be leveled with.

dude it's okay, i wear thongs sometimes too

dude it’s okay, i wear thongs sometimes too

The point of this scene is gay subtext. NEXT!


We snap on over to The Glee Room, where the Angry Feminists have followed New Puck to yell at him, a scene which trumps the Bring It On exchange for the most realistic moment of Glee this year. It also made me like Marley-Kate 500 times more than I did last week.

New Puck: “I don’t understand what you’re all so upset about.”
Marley: “That’s why it’s upsetting!”

caption

everybody looks really oddly proportioned in this screenshot

New Puck: “Look, look, I get that Chris Brown is a douchebag—”
Unique: “I don’t think that douche is a strong enough word to describe Chris Brown.”
Tina: “He totally beat up his girlfriend.”
Brit-Brit: “He beat up a window at Good Morning America!”
Marley-Kate: “He says horribly misogynistic things on twitter!”
Fake Quinn: “What about the Frank Ocean fight in the parking lot?”

New Puck insists these forces align to make Chris Brown the perfect selection because “I like his music, and I feel guilty about it.” He then mansplains about how they do Britney Spears and Whitney Houston songs, “and neither of them are role models.”

New Puck adds, “What about Rihanna? Do we think RiRi is some kind of role model? I mean she’s the one who got back together with him.” Ummm….

Sigh.

New Puck adds that they should be able to separate the art from the artist, and Marley says that actually um, no, she can’t listen to Chis Brown’s “art” without thinking about “the horrible person behind it.”

these magic eye things are so confusing

these magic eye things are so confusing

Tina: “If there was a list of people’s music we should never do in this room, Chris Brown would be at the top of that list.”

Fake Quinn snaps that Chris Brown is a total powder keg, leaving New Puck alone to think about his life and his choices.


We then strap jet-packs to our backs, stick matches up our asses, and blast off to New York, New York, where Kurt is surprising his roomies with boyfriend pillow presents!

oh my god it's quinn!

oh my god it’s quinn!

Santana: “You gave my boyfriend pillow a sex change, that’s so sweet.”

Santana’s digging the girlf but Rachel’s not quite as enthused — she explains that she doesn’t need her boyfriend pillow because she’s not lonely, and besides, Geyerdean will be back between her luscious thighs in no time. So Santana breaks the news that Geyerdean was a “gigolo.”

did you seriously just use the word gigolo, you know that nobody actually uses that word in real life right

did you seriously just use the word gigolo, you know that nobody actually uses that word in real life right

Rachel says it’s not true, and turns to Kurt frantically — “it’s not true, is it?” — and her face is 56 kinds of sad, and Kurt’s is 56 kinds of “I’m sorry.”

is it also true that finn's torso was made out of partially hydrogenated potato soup

is it also true that finn’s torso was made out of partially hydrogenated potato soup and that rayanne slept with jordan catalano

Rachel retreats to her Den of Sad and Kurt turns to Santana:

Kurt: “Why did you have to do that?”
Santana: “It was for her own good!”


We then hop into our brand-new PT Cruiser, roll down the windows, crank up the RENT soundtrack and journey all the way back to Lima, Ohio, home to the Ohio State Beauty Academy, where Gay Blaine’s performing “Against All Odds” with his whole entire heart!

caption

this will be followed by an encore performance of “my headband”

Every word is a bucket of feelings. It’s like his soul wants to escape his body and play the piano forever.

is considering abandoning klaine in favor of blam

is considering abandoning klaine in favor of blam

At the song’s end, Blaine insists the tune is about his raw spicy fresh breakup with Kurt and then he talks crazy about his love for Phil Collins. (Yes, The Postal Service version was a Phil Collins cover, for those of you unaware of this.) The implication here, I gather, is that he’s actually singing it to Sam, but honestly the lyrics are far more Kurt-relevant. Just saying.

Here’s the Phil Collins video, from 1984:

And here’s the Glee version:
http://youtu.be/UtOXTCijvbg


We return after a nail-biting commercial break to The Glee Room for a private concert held in my honor! Yes, that’s correct, we openly love The Spice Girls around here and yes, I saw the movie the weekend it came out at the mall in Traverse City with Risa and yes, we were the only people in the theater, and yes, that all happened before anybody in this scene was born. Anyhow! It’s fucking killer.

panty power!

panty power!

what if this was the last thing you saw before losing consciousness

what if this was the last thing you saw before losing consciousness

I find it super-creepy when adults dress like babies and I think they took that a tad too far with Unique’s costume here, but otherwise I’ve got no complaints. In fact, I’ve got the opposite of complaints. I was grinning ear-to-ear.

step #2 of "how to fist a lesbian in five easy steps"

step #2 of “how to fist a lesbian in five easy steps”

ok i'm ready for you to botox my armpits now

ok i’m ready for you to botox my armpits now

this lollipop tastes like chroniccccccccc!!!!!!!!

this lollipop tastes like sexxx riotttttt!!!!!!!!

That being said, they look much more authentic than Cinco De Mayo 2006, when Haviland, Lainy and I dressed as Posh, Baby and Sporty Spice, respectively, and went to Henrietta’s where everybody asked us if we were straight. Youth!

posh spice's shoes were not made for jumping

posh spice’s shoes were not made for jumping

drop the mic

check out kenzi over there on the keyboards

This song works because these girls work best when operating exactly like the Spice Girls did — shrouding their actual personalities (or lack thereof) in bright shiny campy costumes and exaggerated hair, playing archetyped characters, singing unchallenging pop songs, dancing like cartoon characters and/or Fly Girls. Also Fake Quinn’s growing on me like ivy.

Here’s the original Spice Girls video, from 1995:

And here’s the Glee version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuSoPnpTM4Y

Artie points out that he’s never seen Fake Quinn look so “happy to be part of the team.” “That’s ’cause the Spice Girls are spicy!” says Unique. I don’t even know.

caption

oh believe you me, fake quinn can give santana real orgasms

Now it’s New Puck’s turn to sing his guilty pleasure!

take your top off!!!!!

take your top off!!!!!

 

New Puck announces that he’ll be singing a Brown song, but a different Brown. Not Chris Brown.  Obviously he means reggae singer Barry Brown, right?

barry-brown

No? Um… oh! Obviously! FOXY BROWN!!

foxy-brown

Honestly, I was praying that it was gonna be Bisexual Melanie Brown, a.k.a. Mel B, of The Spice Girls, because I want them to cover “2 become 1” so bad.

oh hey mel b

oh hey mel b

But, barring that, I’d settle for the legendary 5 Browns:

straight-people

i actually have no idea who these people are but they seem heterosexual and probably related

It’s not the 5 Browns? Well then it must be this guy:

bobby-brown

Indeed it is! New Puck will be covering “My Prerogative ” which I obviously loved when it came out because who the fuck didn’t. Ugh I hope Marley-Kate leaves New Puck for Robyn Crawford.

rolling down the river

rolling down the river

The original, by Bobby Brown:

The Glee Version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4KP5tCK5xeY

I think the message here is that it’s okay if you did shitty stuff to women, as long as you did it before most of your audience got born. Regardless, is this the first time we’ve really gotten to see New Puck’s dance skills? Because he’s really good!


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Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2683 articles for us.

43 Comments

  1. If Rachel is going to start seeing older guys, does this mean she shall follow in Quinn’s footsteps? If so, then can we expect her to date a professor about twice her age, go to Jodie Foster’s clambake, then sleep with Santana about 6 episodes later?

  2. I’m (pleasantly?) surprised that Glee didn’t sell-out and actually showed some decent morality in their rebuke for Chris Brown. Too bad they can’t recognize the misogyny of their own fucking show though.

    (Also: Geyerdean: “Not everybody has doting daddies to pay their bills.” I swear I had to read this 4 times to realize he wasn’t referring to Sugar Daddies)

  3. I actually really liked this episode until I read the hulu comments [TW for abuse apologists]:

    “Jake (aka New Puck) deserved an apology from the girls; it was guilty pleasure music so he shouldn’t have been judged.”

    “Chris Brown was so young & he made a mistake and that’s not an excuse but still.”

    “he’s apologized, let the man make money for his music.”

    “rihanna posts pictures of herself smoking weed on twitter & she’s an abuse enabler & they still cover her music”

    “i agree with New Puck that you should separate the art from the artist.”

    “tons of celebrities do drugs & Glee still covers their music.”

    Lesson learned: don’t read the comments.
    Other lesson learned: ew ew ew ew so many abuse apologists watching Glee. Also one of these abuse apologists supposedly works at Disney. DISNEY. THEY MAKE MOVIES FOR CHILDREN.

    • You know in that whole Chris Brown discussion, which was really intense, I was so happily surprised by how informed it was. They even brought up his tattoo which was/is super controversial (my take– whatever Chris Brown says it is doesn’t matter, it LOOKS like a battered woman and based on his past, that alone means if he was at all sorry for what happened he wouldn’t get it) AND they brought up the Frank Ocean fight. I mean, ok, yes, Frank Ocean is way popular and amazing and award-winning so it makes sense just on that level but that fight was very publicly about Chris Brown calling Frank Ocean the f-word. So though it seemed a little strange to come from Kitty, I was happy it was mentioned as he has had plenty of other public feuds they could have raised instead (doesn’t he have one with Drake too?). So– points to Glee on that one.

    • Never go to hulu or youtube for comments on Glee. 😉 Go to autostraddle or avclub maybe (they have the most entertaining comments section of anything). 😉 I’m on the fence about afterellen bec the recap is entertaining,but the comments sometimes turn into really passionate shipper discussions. hahah! 😉

  4. I’m happy you liked this episode, Riese– I think I now vicariously like it. Or maybe you just somehow persuaded me. I realllly did not like it last week but I was really stuck on the negatives of what you viewed as positives– I thought the scene in the hallway with Kitty’s “girl with a penis” comment was atrocious. I didn’t feel like she got called out at all. I loved the Chris Brown discussion but felt the Bobby Brown song was a cop-out (though, of course, that song is totes bomb– but of course that then led to me thinking too much about artists and their art and who they are as role models, ad nauseum). I can’t even talk about how much I loved the Spice Girls segment (though I was also at the theatre opening weekend for the movie with my college besties and a huge bin of buttered popcorn, combining 2 of the guiltiest of pleasures). I thought the wrapping up of Brody’s storyline was ok, like you wrote– not as bad as I thought it would be. Blaine’s cover of “Take a Look at Me Now” was breathtaking (sadly, I did not know that anyone didn’t know that was not originally by the Postal Service, I love that cover but loved the original when I was a kid too). But I thought the storyline of him and Sam was meh. It was always strained (typical Glee) and not very interesting so while I am happy it led to such a lovely song from Blaine to Sam, it was otherwise just — boring. (and really? the “what’s in your pocket?” schtick is sooo done).

    Anyhow, that was way more thoughts than I even knew I had about this episode! Thanks as always for the recap– and thanks for pointing out the happier/funnier moments to me again. At least, I thank you now and just hope I don’t somehow end up getting even more hooked on The Glee because of your excellent recaps (jkjk!). I am forever co-dependent with Glee. I have no one to blame but myself. And Klaine.

    • yeah i know what you mean that she wasn’t actually “called out” but honestly in my experience what happened there is representative of how younger people change their behavior in the real world. on tv people yell at each other a lot, and also on the internet, for sure, and those monologues and smackdowns are really epic and stuff — but in real life when you fully ‘call somebody out’ by explaining everything they’re wrong about, that person just gets defensive, and inevitably somebody else will side with them, and then all these differences build up between different sides, and then they’re too busy being bitter and close-minded to realize what bigots they are. but if you’re a person who thrives on attention — you want people to either be furious at you and getting all worked up over something you’re not even all that invested in (a common trolling instinct) or you want people to be entertained, to laugh. so when you tell a transphobic joke and nobody lectures you and nobody laughs, then what’s the point? she can’t get a rise out of anybody. she already knows she’s wrong at this point, that’s been established. don’t feed the trolls: real life edition. also nobody gets called out for anything on this show, and every week they say horrifically offensive things about all kinds of people but i usually leave the rest of it out, but i try to cover the trans* stuff. so it’s a miracle anybody ever responds negatively to anybody’s racism, homophobia, sexism, sizeism, etc.

      and yeah, the is-that-a-thing-in-your-pocket i wanted to pretend like that never happened and i had nothing to say about it. this show is just so weird!

      i mean, at least that’s what i saw. but if i’m totally misreading this as a cisgender human prone to making mistakes, i welcome corrections!

      • I was too busy screaming “She did NOT just SAY THAT!” at my television to hear Kitty being called out for that comment. But knowing she was, even if it was really subtle, makes me feel MARGINALLY better about this show.

        That’ll probably turn to shit next week though when we find out it was Unique “catfishing” Ryder. Blech.

        • yeah my jaw dropped and i immediately expected it to go un-checked, so when everybody scowled and brittany, who is usually too stupid to ever know what’s going on and usually thinks unique is mercedes, actually pushed her, inspiring kitty to take it back (which as far as i can tell, has never happened before). i was so pleasantly surprised that i possibly read it as being more positive than it was.

          i think what i thought was at least halfway-decent about this is that it wasn’t done in the typical style where glee says something obnoxiously offensive but So! Clever! and if anybody even reacts negatively to it, the offensive joke remains the source of humor. but here i felt like we were supposed to be laughing at kitty for flopping her “joke” so hard, not unique, especially since kitty’s joke wasn’t clever or funny or really anything besides one of the easiest and also worst things you can say ever.

          i cannot handle the idea of unique catfishing ryder (as discussed), that is crazytalk bullshit

      • you’re def right– it’s context for sure. that’s always the problem with glee– what it is in the context of society and tv right now is still far more progressive than a lot of shows. like, i loved when you very simply stated in one of your recaps (i think it was the diva episode) that there was a bisexual woman, trans woman, and gay men singing together. that’s crazy unheard-of anywhere else.

        but it’s also what makes it so infuriating. sometimes it feels like they are going for quantity over quality. it could be so good that i want it to be perfect!! which is impossible, i know, unless it was written by us 🙂

  5. I honestly don’t get why Santana would fly Finn out to hit Geyerdean. I think it would have been much more in character for her to be all “this is for hurting my friend, fucking stop it”, and then punching him herself.

    • also i know this show has no relationship whatsoever with reality, but for real it costs like $300 to fly from columbus to new york on a good day, and a last-minute flight, and he would go all the way out there and not even see rachel? or his BROTHER? that’s completely fucking insane. he just got fired. this show is nonsense.

  6. First of all, I LOVE that Santana’s lesbo cuddlepuppet is wearing plaid. How apropos.

    But really, Glee, you need to stop with this thing where you think it’s okay to make really offensive jokes as long as you cover it up by having another character say “Hey, that’s really offensive!” right after. It almost feels like the writers still want to make their awful jokes but are using other characters to cover their asses. It’s cowardly and backhanded and quite frankly I’m sick of it.

    … but I come back every week for summa dat Santana Lopez and those atrociously adorable teenybopper dance moves. Dammit, Glee, I wish I could quit you…

    • agreed. that’s what always gets me– they still make “the joke” but then add this little, hey, just kidding! except they weren’t because then they never would have written it to begin with.

  7. Thanks so much for this recap!

    I thought this was a winner recap the minute you referenced BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER! Awesomest TV show ever! 😉 Ah, Sunnydale – remember when it was just such a bidet of evil? 😉

    Strangely enough I actually watched this show. Twice.

    I can’t even explain why I liked it. Probably partly because it referenced TV shows I grew up with – yes, even Small Wonder. 🙂 I used to watch Golden Girls, Designing Women and Facts of Life. 😉 I liked the old music as well – but I prefer the original Phil Collins version, and it seemed a bit out of place, as you mentioned, being sung to Sam when it’s clearly for Kurt. Also, I’m kind of sick and tired of Blaine SINGING all the time, when I could hear Santana sing all the time instead. 🙂 Don’t be hatin’. I didn’t like the Creep version or the Spice Girls version, BUT! I actually enjoyed the campiness and cheesiness of it. I have a soft spot for Spice Girls – I love, love, love em, and I love Posh and Scary, so! And of course, one can never go wrong with Abba – one of our hobbies during our parties used to be watching Abba videos, so that was a whole lot of fun! So yeah, I just realized I am the target demo of this show! hahaha! 😉

    Overall, I had fun, and I don’t know why – probs bec I just pretended maybe that some parts weren’t said or did not exist at all – like Geyerdean, or that white Glee Project winner. And that discussion about Chris Brown/Bobby Brown – I didn’t know what to think of that, but yeah, it’s Glee, and I guess it was better than when they tried to handle somebody being forcibly outed or a white cis guy being an asshat about a transgender teen? So yeah.

    But I think it was also because the NYC scenes were FUN, and we got to see Santana, Rachel and Kurt being friends. Now, if only Santana and Rachel would hook, I’d be happy! hahaha! 😉 And Blaine and Sam as friends – that was nice, too. 😉 The Wham! and Barry Manilow covers were just entertaining, too. 😉

    Also, Marley as Posh with a passable Brit accent, so hot. Fake Quinn actually interesting. And Jacob can dance! Please let him sing and dance more. More than Blaine please.

    So, yeah. I enjoyed this episode. 🙂

    Thanks for the recap, Riese! 🙂

  8. How come you never make comments about Unique in a sexual way? I’m pretty sure you’ve had all the other female characters having sex with Santana or each other in your comments (like Kitty in this one) but never Unique. She’s a sexual woman too!

    • I don’t think it has to do with her transgenderism, I think it has to do with traditional attractiveness. It’s the hard truth but a lot of us don’t find her as attractive. Just like the recaps never talk about Dot Marie Jones, Mercedes, or Tina in sexual ways. I don’t think her being trans* or cross dressing (not sure if she identifies as trans* or not) has to do with it. Don’t misconstrue/ misrepresent that

      • mmm… i’d argue that the show very blatantly doesn’t put those characters in situations that lend themselves to innuendo-based screencaps, or to any lesbian innuendo at all. as for why that is… well glee is pretty special like that. also, i totally make/made sexual comments about tina and mercedes! i don’t really go there with the adult characters, but arguably dot marie jones is closer to “my type” than anyone else on the program. (and personally i’m more physically attracted to Tina than any other teenaged character on the show besides maybe Santana sometimes, so there’s that.)

        i mentioned once that i wasn’t really attracted to dianna agron and all hell broke loose, but i know people are into the idea of her/rachel/etc., so i play to that.

    • i actually commented last week that the show refuses to sexualize unique in any way or give her a romantic storyline and everybody commented back that it was better that way because they’d undoubtedly fuck it up… anyhow, unique is a pretty new character and she doesn’t get a lot of screen time or lines and also most of her lines/scenes have been about her gender identity, which’s not always the most appropriate time to make a sexual joke. who gets lesbian innuendo captions is based solely on who appears in screencaps that lend themselves to that and whether or not i can think of a better joke or not. anyhow, unique is in a few ‘caps this recap with sexual captions, sidenote. also i don’t think i’ve made comments like that about every female character on this show, i’ve been using more innuendo the last few recaps than ever before because i am running out of other jokes to make.

      i mean i know that you’re implying that i don’t see her as sexual because she’s trans*. i guess it’s definitely possible that i would be more careful with sex-related jokes around unique because innuendo with a straight female could be misinterpreted as me denying unique’s femaleness rather than what it would actually be, which is lesbian innuendo? ppl tend to take my words out of context and assume the worst where trans* things are concerned so i try really hard to minimize those opportunities. also she’s not been clear about her sexual orientation yet, and i don’t want to make any assumptions about that, either.

      • “ppl tend to take my words out of context and assume the worst where trans* things are concerned so i try really hard to minimize those opportunities.”

        Hm… seems like you’re deflecting accountability here. People probably “assume the worst” when it comes to you talking about trans people because they’ve seen the transphobic things you’ve regularly said in the past. I also think it’s interesting that you’re more concerned with avoiding getting called out than you are with actually not saying transphobic things.

      • She may not have declared her sexual orientation, but you do make lesbian/girl-on-girl jokes and references about Marley, Kitty, and Rachel, who have both only been portrayed in relationships with women. (Just pointing it out).

  9. Riese, I want to hug your brain because it is simply brilliant.

    P.S. this recap made me super glad I never took ambien and had internet access at the same time because holy wow shopping under the influence

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