1.
No seriously if we register as domestic partners I can put you on my health insurance and then you could get a therapist which I think would be really good for our relationship
2.
So maybe you should think about getting your own bike
3.
I hope this isn’t weird but I have a whole wall in my room that’s just pictures I’ve drawn of you
4.
You can stop wondering I’M GAYYYYYYY
5.
Also I’m on my way to this potluck thing at the park if you wanna come no pressure
6.
I didn’t mean to hit you in the eye
7.
Just kidding I wish we were girlfriends and you’re ruining my life
8.
Which is why I’ve written you a lesbian folk-rock anthem
9.
“So” let’s have “sex”
10.
Just kidding I’m pretty sure you’re spending the day with your boyfriend so I hope you have the worst day ever and if you play Putt-Putt Golf I hope he loses
11.
Would you like to be our erotic third
12.
I just don’t wanna be one of those lesbian couples that U-Hauls right away, you know? I think a little house for our puppy is a good start.
13.
Finally, Dawn was going to make Rita’s dream come true: it was time for some serious Captain Hook / Smee roleplay
14.
You know, GAL PAL
15.
How about now, do I remind you of Mary Martin now
16.
welp
17.
Let’s scissor!
18.
Let’s muff-dive!
19.
EXCUSE ME
20.
If not NBD I’m pretty happy with just hanging out with my cat
21.
Pick up the damn phone
22.
‘Cause I’m gonna “auto” straddle you
23.
It’ll be just like the second challenge of the Triwizard Tournament
25.
Just kidding I have a monster crush on you and might be failing your class
25.
IT’S COSPLAY DAY!!!!
Before you go!
Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen,
will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?
Join AF+!
Riese is the 41-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish and has a cute dog named Carol. Follow her on twitter and instagram.
Riese has written 3251 articles for us.
Can we talk about why Barbie is reading the classifieds tho
SHE’S LOOKING FOR LOVE
and also a career, after all,
we know how Barbie feels about commitment.
New Dream House?
So beaver is a verb now? I’m down with that.
“Secretly”?
That lesbian in the pink vest looks so dapper!
Thank you Riese for this fine compendium.
one of your best!
#21’s facial expression is terrifying, lol. Even the dog is scared.
She has no pupils? “I have your number” instantly transforms from cute to creepy when eyes lose their pupils.
#7 really sums up my dating life.
Or,rather, lack thereof.
I lost it at the beaver one.
So much Barbie angst! Those are by far my favorite Mattel products
I have those 80’s barbie ones and the description for #7 is too true.
Also, I have just realized that my last two comments on here within a week have been barbie related?
The rainbow brite one took me back, glorious 80s nostalgia there, maybe she was my root… Pretty glad it’s not common for kids to send valentines to each other in the uk as I feel my childhood at an all girls school would have largely been a lot of no.7 feelings… I mean it was anyway but you know.
#7 speaks to me on a personal level at the moment.
love love love this
18 is so perfect lol
These are precious!
I love that the puns are all in quotes.
You know, I came to the comment section to remark on how much I’m feeling #7, but it turns out that we all are. So… Good luck with all of our unrequited love, I guess?
#18 how could they have possibly been unaware of the innuendo?
#21 is creepy, but #13 is really cute.