25 Secretly Gay Vintage Valentines For A Very Special Valentine’s Day

1.

You know, *domestic* partners

No seriously if we register as domestic partners I can put you on my health insurance and then you could get a therapist which I think would be really good for our relationship

2.

So maybe you should think about getting your own bike

So maybe you should think about getting your own bike

3.

I hope this isn't weird but I maintain a tumblr that's entirely pictures I've drawn of you

I hope this isn’t weird but I have a whole wall in my room that’s just pictures I’ve drawn of you

4.

You can stop wondering, I'm gay

You can stop wondering I’M GAYYYYYYY

5.

Also I'm on my way to this potluck thing at the park if you wanna come no pressure

Also I’m on my way to this potluck thing at the park if you wanna come no pressure

6.

Sorry if I accidentally hit you in the shin I learned archery on YouTube

I didn’t mean to hit you in the eye

7.

Just kidding I wish we were more than friends and you're ruining my life

Just kidding I wish we were girlfriends and you’re ruining my life

8.

Which is why I've written you a lesbian folk-rock anthem in the style of Melissa Etheridge

Which is why I’ve written you a lesbian folk-rock anthem

9.

Let's make out

“So” let’s have “sex”

10.

Unless you're spending the day with your boyfriend in which case I hope you have a terrible time

Just kidding I’m pretty sure you’re spending the day with your boyfriend so I hope you have the worst day ever and if you play Putt-Putt Golf I hope he loses

11.

Would you like to be our erotic third

Would you like to be our erotic third

12.

Let's U-Haul!

I just don’t wanna be one of those lesbian couples that U-Hauls right away, you know? I think a little house for our puppy is a good start.

13.

IS TODAY BLACK SAILS ROLE PLAY DAY???!!

Finally, Dawn was going to make Rita’s dream come true: it was time for some serious Captain Hook / Smee roleplay

14.

You know, GAL PAL

You know, GAL PAL

15.

How about now, do I remind you of Mary Martin now

How about now, do I remind you of Mary Martin now

16.

welp

welp

17.

Let's scissor!

Let’s scissor!

18.

Let's muff-dive!

Let’s muff-dive!

19.

Wink wink

EXCUSE ME

20.

If not NBD I'm pretty happy with my cat

If not NBD I’m pretty happy with just hanging out with my cat

21.

Pick up the damn phone, woman

Pick up the damn phone

22.

'Cause I'm gonna "auto" straddle you

‘Cause I’m gonna “auto” straddle you

23.

It'll be just like the second challenge of the Triwizard Tournament

It’ll be just like the second challenge of the Triwizard Tournament

25.

Just kidding I have a monster crush on you and might be failing your class

25.

IT'S COSPLAY DAY!!!!

IT’S COSPLAY DAY!!!!


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Riese

Marie Lyn Bernard, aka Riese, is an award-winning writer, blogger, journalist, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in the midwest, lost her mind in New York City and is currently making it work in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better, The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image and The Hazards of Being Female," "Dirty Girls," and "The Best American Erotica of 2007," magazines including Nylon, Marie Claire, GO, Curve, Interlude, and CollegeBound, and all over the web including nerve.com, Jezebel, Queerty, Emily Books and OurChart (RIP). She was the recapper for The L Word Online and host of Showtime’s Lezberado and her personal blog has earned many dubious honors including Best Personal Blog 2008. Riese has spoken about blogging, community-building, feminism, cyberculture and sexuality at places like BlogHer, Yale, New York University, The University of Chicago and The Museum of Sex. A graduate of the University of Michigan, Interlochen Arts Academy and The Olive Garden's week-long training intensive; she enjoys eating foods, having big ideas, reading books & talking to her stuffed dog, Tinkerbell. Also, she's Jewish. Follow her smokin’ hot adventures on twitter. Contact: riese[at]autostraddle.com

Riese has written 2896 articles for us.

23 Comments

  1. The rainbow brite one took me back, glorious 80s nostalgia there, maybe she was my root… Pretty glad it’s not common for kids to send valentines to each other in the uk as I feel my childhood at an all girls school would have largely been a lot of no.7 feelings… I mean it was anyway but you know.

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