25 Secretly Gay Vintage Valentines For A Very Special Valentine’s Day

1.

You know, *domestic* partners

No seriously if we register as domestic partners I can put you on my health insurance and then you could get a therapist which I think would be really good for our relationship

2.

So maybe you should think about getting your own bike

So maybe you should think about getting your own bike

3.

I hope this isn't weird but I maintain a tumblr that's entirely pictures I've drawn of you

I hope this isn’t weird but I have a whole wall in my room that’s just pictures I’ve drawn of you

4.

You can stop wondering, I'm gay

You can stop wondering I’M GAYYYYYYY

5.

Also I'm on my way to this potluck thing at the park if you wanna come no pressure

Also I’m on my way to this potluck thing at the park if you wanna come no pressure

6.

Sorry if I accidentally hit you in the shin I learned archery on YouTube

I didn’t mean to hit you in the eye

7.

Just kidding I wish we were more than friends and you're ruining my life

Just kidding I wish we were girlfriends and you’re ruining my life

8.

Which is why I've written you a lesbian folk-rock anthem in the style of Melissa Etheridge

Which is why I’ve written you a lesbian folk-rock anthem

9.

Let's make out

“So” let’s have “sex”

10.

Unless you're spending the day with your boyfriend in which case I hope you have a terrible time

Just kidding I’m pretty sure you’re spending the day with your boyfriend so I hope you have the worst day ever and if you play Putt-Putt Golf I hope he loses

11.

Would you like to be our erotic third

Would you like to be our erotic third

12.

Let's U-Haul!

I just don’t wanna be one of those lesbian couples that U-Hauls right away, you know? I think a little house for our puppy is a good start.

13.

IS TODAY BLACK SAILS ROLE PLAY DAY???!!

Finally, Dawn was going to make Rita’s dream come true: it was time for some serious Captain Hook / Smee roleplay

14.

You know, GAL PAL

You know, GAL PAL

15.

How about now, do I remind you of Mary Martin now

How about now, do I remind you of Mary Martin now

16.

welp

welp

17.

Let's scissor!

Let’s scissor!

18.

Let's muff-dive!

Let’s muff-dive!

19.

Wink wink

EXCUSE ME

20.

If not NBD I'm pretty happy with my cat

If not NBD I’m pretty happy with just hanging out with my cat

21.

Pick up the damn phone, woman

Pick up the damn phone

22.

'Cause I'm gonna "auto" straddle you

‘Cause I’m gonna “auto” straddle you

23.

It'll be just like the second challenge of the Triwizard Tournament

It’ll be just like the second challenge of the Triwizard Tournament

25.

Just kidding I have a monster crush on you and might be failing your class

25.

IT'S COSPLAY DAY!!!!

IT’S COSPLAY DAY!!!!

Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2727 articles for us.

23 Comments

  1. The rainbow brite one took me back, glorious 80s nostalgia there, maybe she was my root… Pretty glad it’s not common for kids to send valentines to each other in the uk as I feel my childhood at an all girls school would have largely been a lot of no.7 feelings… I mean it was anyway but you know.

  2. You know, I came to the comment section to remark on how much I’m feeling #7, but it turns out that we all are. So… Good luck with all of our unrequited love, I guess?

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