feature image from shutterstock
The holiday season is upon us, which means that department stores are now decking the halls. Decking the halls with creations that can only be the result of a project runway challenge in which designers are only given glitter thread, felt, and silver bells in order to recreate old holiday Claymation films…blindfolded.
This year, rather than scoffing at the isle of misfit sweaters and hats no one wants to play reindeer games in, I challenge you to embrace the hideousness. Allow yourself to lower your guards to the bright reds, greens, silvers, and blues and really snuggle into some ugliness. Why? Because we’re better than that and if they are going to keep manufacturing this shit we’re going to one-up them. So ladies and gentleladies of all ages, gather round for you are about to experience something that has yet to be performed in front of such a grand audience: holiday apparel done with style.
1. The “Optional” Holiday Office Party
Not too dressed up for karaoke, just classy enough to photocopy your butt and sign it with love and holiday greetings.
2.The Mandatory Holiday Office Party
Because “bonding” is important to the workplace and the man in the red suit and beard just happens to be your boss.
3. The Family Gift Exchange
The one place you can look completely ridiculous and still get away with it in the photos.
Because playing dreidel by your self is just sad and you have extra latkes.
Where you all pretend like you had money to do this and won’t be late on your rent this month.
6. Boxing Day Special
Best of luck.
7. Countdown to Cooties
Get out your chapstick ladies, the ball isn’t the only thing dropping tonight.
8. Cuties be Counting Down
When in doubt, smooch it out.
9. The New Year
It is a new year, 365 days to not end up feeling like this again.