It feels like being someone who works in a creative field means constantly having to field questions from people about AI. Now listen, I will talk about AI all day — as in, I will critique AI all day. I do not want to hear about “how cool it is” (it’s not) or discuss its place in the arts and literature (no place) or watch someone jump through a bunch of hoops to justify their use of it for tasks they could use their human brain for. I’ve become exhausted, frustrated, and evenly deeply deeply sad in conversations with perhaps well meaning but short-sighted family members about AI, my job, the arts, etc. And if you’re in a similar boat, I’ve assembled a list of things you can do instead of engaging with said conversations.

1. Pretend you cannot hear them.

2. Ask them what their top three favorite climate disasters were this year.

3. Ask them if they’d rather perish in a forest fire or a massive flood.

4. Start miming. Just do a whole performance as a mime stuck in a box. Then ask “can AI do THAT?”

5. Put on The Matrix (1999).

6. Randomly start rattling off data on declining literacy rates you’ve carefully memorized beforehand.

7. Long scream.

8. Repeat everything they say in a cartoonish robot voice.

9. Make them read my Pluribus recaps.

10. Leave the room and never return.

11. Say “I asked chatgpt what I should get you for Christmas and it said this” and then flip them off.

12. Ask THEM if they think AI could replace THEIR job (funny how so many people who ask this question do not like it being turned around on them).

13. Start saying incorrect facts and be like “oh I thought you liked that.”

14. Turn on every faucet in the house and be like “oh I thought we enjoyed guzzling tons of water for no good reason.”

15. Try the long scream again.