The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Episode 3

The Choice Concludes

And not in the way I expected it to. AJ CHOOSES MARIE, LEAVING A VERY BEREFT MARITA.

When you consider all the things AJ continually said to Marita on their dates, this really is a wild move. Did Marita even really go on dates with anyone else?! I do have a theory here: I think perhaps AJ knows she will get physical with Marita due to their particular sexual tension, and she knows this would be a line Britney couldn’t come back from. I think she’s attracted to Marie for sure, but I think the sparks with Marita are so intense that she doesn’t trust herself to go through the Trial Marriage without a full on hook-up.

AJ says Marie brings her best version of herself out.

“I’m not happy,” Maria says, and who can blame her. Bridget assures her she did was true to her. Bridget was smart to identify what was going on with AJ and pivot in a different direction.

We move along to Pilar, who has been vibing with both Kyle and Bridget, but she correctly choose Kyle, who chooses her back.

Bridget chooses Ashley, who chooses her back.

Haley chooses Magan, who chooses her back.

Things are going pretty well so far! For people who aren’t Marita!

We get to our final choice, which is another dramatic one. Mel has bonded with both Dayna and Britney. Dayna and Britney both choose her, so Mel is left with the choice. Only one of them threatened to drive her food truck into a river though, so the choice seems obvious.

AND YET. I HAVE BEEN PROVEN INCORRECT. Mel chooses DAYNA. Dayna says she’s scared, and Marie is like ME TOO.

That leaves Marita and Britney, neither of whom were chosen back by their choice. This is egregious! Now they just have to be thrust into a Trial Marriage neither of them wanted?! And Britney has to LIVE WITH the woman who confessed to being into her girlf—I’m sorry, “ex”-girlfriend?! This isn’t right!

But I suppose it’s just how the lesbian cookie crumbles.

Trial Marriages Begin

The newly formed couples arrive at their ready-made Miami condos for three weeks of fake marriage. The condos are stocked with all the essentials: blankets, which they can drape over themselves on the couch while having Serious Conversations; alcohol; puzzles with their faces on them?; end of list.

“I’m huge on omelets,” AJ tells Marie, a sentiment I’ve never really heard expressed. Sure, there’s a time and a place for an omelet, but do they really have superfans? They then engage in some Egg Discourse: Does Marie like a hard or a soft scramble? She likes her eggs “well done.”

“Do you like red?” Marita asks Britney, and Britney is like “what wine?” These two have so little chemistry they can’t even talk normally about wine preferences. I don’t blame THEM! I blame the people who made it seem like they were going to choose them and then did not.

How many femmes does it take to open a bottle of red wine? Two, apparently.

Ashley and Bridget decide they’re both comfortable sleeping in the same room. Bridget says the apartment is an upgrade from her house. It comes with so many amenities! A coffee bar! A communal gym!

Pilar wants to address the elephant in the room with Kyle: How do you shit in front of someone you just met? This breaks the tension a bit, but Kyle seems nervous! When they get into bed, they have a very awkward conversation about electric toothbrushes. I think they’re maybe just killing time before cameras go down. I imagine it is indeed awkward to share a bed for the first time with someone you’ve very recently met.

Magan and Haley seem to settle into the newlywed life easily. Haley snores, and Magan talks in her sleep. They both love going to the gym. This is going to work out great I think! Magan says the physical part of connecting with someone is easy; she wants to “dive into the inner work of how I can be a better partner.”

In Mel and Dayna’s marital bed, Mel insists that sleeping with the TV on is the only way. Dayna disagrees, and goddamnit I’m on Dayna’s side again! I don’t want to be on Dayna’s side! Mel felt reassured by Dayna confronting her at the cocktail party. Really? I felt scared. To each their own!

In the morning, Pilar and Kyle wake up and realize they cuddled a bit. Kyle still seems so nervous.

Ashley brings home her dog Bentley to live with her and Bridget. Oh god, I forgot about all the dog drama last season.

Mel and Dayna stayed up until 5 in the morning talking.

Magan is…rapping to Haley in bed. It’s a little cringe, but I really can’t help but feel endeared by Magan.

Winning points with me, a Cat Dyke, Marie explains cat body language to AJ, who of course seizes the opportunity to make a “pussy language” joke.

Britney pads about her pied-à-terre she unwilling shares with Marita, sniffling and, eventually, full-out crying. Marita asks if she wants a hug, and Britney takes her up on it. I know AJ hasn’t done anything like actually harmful/bad, but this immediately makes me want Britney and Marita to team up and take her down in some way. Sorry, I just love a John Tucker Must Die moment!

Read my next recap to find out what happens next!TK

And don’t forget to comment below!

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