The Top Mozzarella Sticks Of 2015

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1. This mozzarella stick

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I got an order of vegan mozzarella sticks from Champs Diner in Brooklyn. It’s a really big deal that vegan mozzarella sticks even exist, nevermind that they’re stringy and gooey and exactly how I remember dairy mozzarella sticks! This little guy was exactly what I had been craving — a delectable, cheesy treat with just the right consistency of breading and generously dipped in marinara sauce, the sauce of kings.

2. This mozzarella stick

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Man, you know what’s fucking delicious? Mozzarella sticks. Such a decadent snack, especially for an appetizer – how do you possibly follow these guys with an entree?

3. This mozzarella stick

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Man, this is a lot of cheese. This is a lot of grease. I waited over a fucking decade for vegan mozzarella sticks to exist and I’m going to enjoy every fucking second of this terrible food.

4. This mozzarella stick

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My sandwich arrived and I’m still barely halfway through this mountain of mozzarella. My veins feel like they’re filled with greasy fried goo. I gotta admit – I am starting to have regrets.

5. This mozzarella stick

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Oh god, how are there still more of these fucking things? I feel like every time I take a bite, more mozzarella sticks appear. You know when Caity Weaver spent 14 hours eating endless mozzarella sticks at TGI Fridays that one time? I feel like that, but it’s only been like 15 minutes.

6. This mozzarella stick

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I don’t even want my sandwich anymore. I don’t even want to live.

7. This mozzarella stick

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Oh GOD. OH GOD. This was a terrible idea. Whose idea was this?!?! This was my idea. Ugh.

8. This mozzarella stick

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I feel like a plastic bag full of oil and I will never eat anything ever again.

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Stef

Stef Schwartz is a founding member and the self-appointed Vapid Fluff Editor at Autostraddle.com. She currently resides in New York City, where she spends her days writing songs nobody will ever hear and her nights telling much more successful musicians what to do. Follow her on twitter and/or instagram.

Stef has written 464 articles for us.

42 Comments

    • at my old summer camp we used to call them “frav” and it was like, a once- or twice-a-session event that frav would be served and when it was it was as the main course and then one summer frav went away entirely and i imagine it’s because somebody told their parents that they had been served fried ravioli as a main course and their parents were horrified

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  12. I would probably kick a small child* if it meant I could find a decent dairy-free and soy-free cheese product. I have no idea if these are soy-free (probably not, because the Universe hates me), but they look fantastic. Too bad I’m not in NY.

    *Not really. Little kids safety > Cheese, even if only marginally.

    Reply to This Comment

  15. I ate a bunch of mozzarella sticks at a friends house recently and I just had to lay my head down for a while because I felt like my blood had been replaced by cheese and grease. They were amazing.

    I wish mine were vegan, though!

    Reply to This Comment

  20. Champs is great! Although I prefer their other food options to their mozzarella sticks. The best vegan mozzarella sticks I have ever had in my entire life are from a vegan italian restaurant in Long Island called Three Brothers. If you truly want to treat yourself, I suggest taking the trip there. It is very worth it! All their other food is absolutely fantastic too. They give you ALL the bread and Earth Balance before you get your meal, and will give you more bread if you ask! Like a real Italian restaurant!

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  26. This was me when I had gluten free french fries at 5 Guys Burgers – the first few were the most amazing things I’d eaten in decades, and then my whole body rebelled against all of the grease and fat – I woke up in the middle of the night sweating grease.

    And I won’t even go into my experience with gluten free onion rings.

    Reply to This Comment

  28. This article was hilarious. I can’t decide if the pictures or captions are funnier.

    This has been me in so many situations, most recently when I got excited to find vegetarian poutine in France and it turned out that 1 serving was at least a kilo box.

    But I feel very strongly about labeling food correctly, which is why I can not call these mozzarella sticks. I can go for mozzarellaish sticks or fauxerella sticks or better-than-mozzarella sticks…

    As much as I love a good mozza stick, I made my vegan BFF beer-battered avocado sticks one time and I would happily eat those instead forever (or until my grease filled veins also just gave up).

    Reply to This Comment

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