feature image stock photo from The Gender Spectrum Collection
It’s hard to know how to do queer dating right, especially when you don’t have any examples to follow or gay peers to compare notes with. There are so many classic lesbian pitfalls to fall into, and it would be so much easier if someone could give you a map of the ground they’ve already covered for you to learn from! Friend, that someone is us; we’ve been there and done that and some of us have even been able to go to therapy about it, and here’s our hard-earned advice about the most important keys to queer dating and relationships.
Comments
WOW this is good. So many gems here. Thanks, wise people.
There is so much good stuff here – I was going to pull out a couple of quotes but I’d just end up rewriting half the post.
One thing that works really well for me personally is to start from a place of understanding that there are no guarantees in life, and that includes in love. You might get one really fun night with a person or you might get a lifetime, and every individual connection brings its own joys and lessons. When I can get into this headspace it allows me to appreciate things in the moment more, and not feel the pressures of over-attachment or expectations, which generally ends up making things easier and more fun for all involved.
I’m going to keep coming back to this today 💜
This just came to mind:
Judge the situation and not the person. We can decide if the way another person is behaving feels like it benefits or harms us, and act in accordance, but there is no way we can know everything is going on in another person’s being.
And I’m going to give kudos to Jehan for bringing that back to mind with their insight above- thank you!
This might sound weird, but:Be nice.
Be nice to your partner/lover/gf.
This is the person you supposedly love or have at least friendly feelings for, someone you have established some sort of trusting connection with.
This sounds really weird, but a lot of people are not nice to one another in a relationship.
If you’re not nice, maybe you’re angry,bored, fed up, etc., figure it out and address it instead of talking badly about your partner behind their back or constantly sniping at each other,etc.
Basic human respect and decent treatment is something the person in your life deserves. You do,too.
Not weird at all! And maybe the number 1 most important thing! I’ve always been completely baffled by the fact that it seems culturally normalized to treat your partner in ways you’d never, ever talk to a good friend (unless you wanted to lose that friend)
Completely agree!
1. Ask yourself: Do you like the person you become in the relationship?
2. Fall in love with a (not your) therapist.
Man all of these hit me as useful, but especially Rachel’s and Vanessa’s speak to me. Thank you all!
I don’t ever plan to see family on the holidays again, but my roommate’s parents are visiting us and HE JUST FAKE SCOLDED HIS DAD FOR LEAVING THE LIGHTS ON, LIKE ELECTRICITY GROWS ON TREES!!!
Joy is still gonna find you if your first life plan didn’t work out
Oh heck, this was for the holidays one, I am the worst at posting 😞
Honestly I think most of that advice applies to ANY relationship so that covers not seeing your relatives at holiday time ( or any damn time if you dont wanna, come to that)
I feel like I think I’m a total babe but no one else does. But I also worry no one will ever find me attractive or I won’t like anyone and dating is shit and hard but I’m also way too lonely.