The Miseducation of Cameron Post’s removal from a summer reading list, literary books coming out this fall, trigger warnings, marginalizing women’s writing and more.

Topics include class rage, the crash of EgyptAir 990, the cruise ship industry, elephant abuse at the circus, Justin Bieber, falling in love with everything and more!

Caught up in the last-minute holiday gift panic? We’re here to tell you about some of the more gift-able music CDs and DVDs on the shelves right now, and the sort of stockings they’re made for. From Madonna and Michael Bublé to Little Boots and Sara Quin’s Macbeths, there’s something for every lady in your life.

“Faking It” forever! Or for ten more episodes, anyway!

Straight people really like the tell it to my balls joke, I think.

These ladies have a standing invitation to the smoke circle of my heart.

Thanksgiving brings you lesbians fisiting turkeys and by that we mean a family movie for family time, as well as the horror and the spectacle of young Christian Evangelical Rappers in bloom. Also; bad photoshopping blames economy, getting out of thanksgiving, an Academic History of Thanksgiving, Femme Invisibility and a map of your discontent!

What do you wear when you’ve got places to go and people to see but the first snow of the season is upon us?

How could you not love a vegetable that makes you think you got a UTI?

Robin and Carly take a ‘gaycation’ in Buenos Aires and have the breathtaking photos to prove it.

respect this, because every New Orleans native knows that Popeye’s is the shit. I could so go for a biscuit right now. But back to the chicken!

[caption id="attachment_200811" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Just found out what they did with Mercedes storyline on Glee.[/caption]

A customer is giving Queenie shit about skimping on chicken, and in the process calls her fat.

[caption id="attachment_200810" align="aligncenter" width="640"] The bring her back to Lima but she just stands in the background![/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_200812" align="aligncenter" width="640"] She came all the way from LA and she’s not even singing? Fuck this show[/caption]

Queenie responds by sticking her arm in the deep fryer, causing the customer’s arm to burn.

[caption id="attachment_200813" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Kentucky Fried Hand[/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_200760" align="aligncenter" width="640"] the heartbreak of psoriasis[/caption]

Back to morning share! That’s how Cordelia discovered Queenie and brought her to Miss Robichaux’s.

[caption id="attachment_200814" align="aligncenter" width="640"] I think you found your root.[/caption]

Queenie was on the fence about the whole thing, seeing as she’d only ever seen white witches portrayed in the media.

[caption id="attachment_200791" align="aligncenter" width="640"] I would so watch “Sabrina the Teenage Cracker.”[/caption]

This is also proof that witch diversity and visibility matters, and Queenie has since learned that she is an heir to Tituba, a Salem house slave who was the first woman accused of witchcraft in Salem.

[caption id="attachment_200790" align="aligncenter" width="640"] So this is what they call white privilege?[/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_200815" align="aligncenter" width="640"] What’s white privilege?[/caption]

 

[caption id="attachment_200816" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Stop embarrassing yourself, Nancy Drew[/caption] [caption id="attachment_200789" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Don’t be upset. Madison can’t even spell privilege[/caption]

 

All witches are connected, but Madison snarkily suggests they sing Kumbayaa and Queenie threatens to eat her.

[caption id="attachment_200817" align="aligncenter" width="640"] P-R-I…fuck all you bitches[/caption]

If all Gabourey Sidibe gets to do on this show is make/be subjected to fat jokes, I am going to through Ryan Murphy down a well.

This bitchcraft is interrupted by two male cops with want to question Zoe and Madison about the frat party and the bus crash.

[caption id="attachment_200788" align="aligncenter" width="640"] A little broke down, because when I they knocked I thought they were the candy men[/caption]

Relentessly interrogating teenage girls? These guys must have transferred from Rosewood PD.

[caption id="attachment_200818" align="aligncenter" width="640"] We know you girls are pretty and little. But are you liars?[/caption] [caption id="attachment_200787" align="aligncenter" width="640"] Got a Secret. Can you keep it?[/caption]

In typical victim-blaming fashion, they accuse Madison of wanting to hurt the boys. Cordelia quickly jumps to the girls’ defense, and Madison tells them that she’s sober and well behaved…except for vodka. I like your style, Madison.

[caption id="attachment_200820" align="aligncenter" width="640"] I don’t think my father, the inventor of toaster strudel, would appreciate these accusations[/caption]

They also bust Zoe for visiting the frat bro in the hospital and killing him there, connecting it with the last boy she killed. Zoe folds like a paper bag and immediately confesses the gang rape, the about a nice warm glass of shut the hell up? ]

Fiona then spits into two glasses of water RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM and offers them to the cops. The cops are already hypnotized by her, and drink the water, considering it’s the closest they’ll ever get to tasting the inside of her mouth.

[AHS302-00111.jpg – Anything but backwash! ]

[AHS302-00112.jpg – You’ll drink it and like it ]

Fiona takes their evidence and makes them forget all about the case. Zoe and Madison are impressed, while Cordelia seems mildly annoyed.

Madison and Zoe are fighting in their room when Fiona swans in and uses her magic to throw them against the wall.

[AHS302-00117.jpg – I brought ass whooping and lollipops]

[AHS302-00118.jpg – and I’m all out of lollipops! ]

I wish Fiona would use her magic to throw me against the wall, AM I RIGHT LADIES? She reminds them about the rules of Witch Club: don’t talk about it, and support each other. It’s witches vs. the world, and the girls need to get on board.

[AHS302-00125.jpg – And if I ever find your sex toys in the sink again, I’m confiscating them! ]

[AHS302-00124.jpg – Even my RodeOh?]

Fiona singles out Zoe as the weakest link, and tells her that the only thing to fear is Fiona herself.

[AHS302-00127.jpg – And if you complain one more time, your vagina won’t be the only thing around here killing people! ]

[AHS302-00126.jpgnkenKyle comes alive and attacks him. He’s alive!

[AHS302-00240.jpg – FrankenKyle attack!]

Down in the Ninth Ward, Fiona is getting her hair did. Why? Because this shop belongs to Marie Laveau, who is alive and rocking braids and leopard print turtleneck! Guess someone else sipped the immortality potion.

[AHS302-00250.jpg – This is how you fierce]

What’s happening with the other two witches at the school? Nan is distracted by LaLaurie’;s loud thoughts and unties her.

[AHS302-00261.jpg – Get out now, you loud thinking bitch!]

Queenie sees this shit go down but before she can stop it, LaLaurie calls her a slave and clubs her with a candelabra.

[AHS302-00264.jpg – It was the racist, in the bedroom, with the candlestick]

Back to the beauty shop with Fiona and Marie. Fiona makes a “black don’t crack” joke about Marie, which is admittedlyfunny because she’s 200 years old and still looks fierce. Marie fires back that Fiona wipes her ass with diamonds (ouch!) and demands to know what she wants.

[AHS302-00266.jpg – I want bangs that I don’t have to style, why is that so hard?]

Turns out, there’s been a witch race war a brewin’ since the days of Tituba. The different tribes have been battling for centuries, and Marie accuses white witches of stealing magic from African shamans. Apparently Tituba shared these secrets with the Salem girls, who then turned on her. Fiona insults her, which is not a smart thing to do considering Marie is holding a straightening iron so close to her face.

[AHS302-00271.jpg – Not the money maker!]

Fiona wants some of Marie’s five hour immortality drink, but Marie refuses. She wouldn’t share it if Fiona offered her a unicorn that shits hundies. This is not a joke, Angela Bassett says this and it’s amazing.

[AHS302-00282.jpg – Okay, what about a narwhal that poops emeralds?]

And she has a point: why would Marie want LaLaurie? She can’t kill her. Wouldn’t she just re-bury her? Nice try Fiona. Fiona leaves, but not before lighting some weaves on fire. Witches out!

[AHS302-00286.jpg – Not the wigs!]

Back in the green house, Cordelia is putting together a spell to make a magic baby.

[AHS302-00297.jpg – Let’s go do it hetero-style!]

She has freaky sex with her husband in a ring of fire.

[AHS302-00318.jpg – This time you pretend to be Tara, and I’ll pretend to be Willow]

Snakes hatch from eggs and crawl on them. They stab each other in the chest with needles. You know, typical married sex.

Back at the morgue, Zoe steals the morgue guy’s car and drives off with FrankenKyle, who is understandably freaking the fuck out.

[AHS302-00325.jpg – But you love taking the freeway!]

Suddenly, Misty Day pops up from the backseat like she’s in a ghost story or something. Boo!

[AHS302-00331.jpg – The witch is calling from inside the car]

Misty takes them to the gator shack, cranks up the Fleetwood, and starts slapping mud on FrankenKyle’s wounds.

[AHS302-00337.jpg – Don’t worry, you get used to the smell]

She tells Zoe that Louisiana swamp mud has healing properties what with the Spanish moss and the alligator poops. It even healed her when she was burned alive! Guys, I’m not a medical doctor, but DON’T SMEAR SWAMP MUD ON YOUR OPEN WOUNDS. You have been warned.

[AHS302-00346.jpg – It’s so lonely on this twin bed. Why don’t you join me?]

Turns out Misty felt Zoe’s magic calling to her (hey girl hey) and invites her to sit beside her on a bed and deconstruct Fleetwood Mac lyrics.

[AHS302-00352.jpg – You should know, my vagina is a killer]

[AHS302-00351.jpg – And I can’t die! Bring that killer vag over here!]

If I had a dime for every time this happened to me, I’d have a lot of dimes, y’all. Zoe, who would rather make out with a muddy monster man than the gorgeous Lily Rabe, has to go back to school, but promises to come visit them.

[AHS302-00357.jpg – Now kiss]

In the meantime, Misty will take care of FrankenKyle and play the Rumors album on a loop.

[AHS302-00360.jpg – Straight girl problems]

Marie Laveau is in the beauty shop, talking to her chained up Minotaur man. So she can give him immortality but still can’t take the fucking bull head off? Okay, fine, whatever.

[AHS302-00366.jpg – bull in a beauty shop]

In the streets of NOLA, Fiona finds LaLaurie sitting on a bench. Turns out being stuck in a box for 200 years and finding out your home is now a spooky museum is a total bummer.

[AHS302-00373.jpg – We’ll get you some heels, a black dress, and you’ll fit right in]

Fiona rightly tells her she deserves it, but LaLaurie is still heartbroken over the death her daughters…eve the ugly one. She for real says this.

[AHS302-00384.jpg – My daughter has the cheek bones of a Grecian statue, so I can’t relate. But kids, am I right?]

Also, she was gonna kill her husband anyway, so no big. She asks Fiona if she can kill her, Fiona will check her schedule. She brings LaLaurie back home and they walk the empty streets together.

[AHS302-00390.jpg – this is the beginning of beautiful friendship…of murder]

Next time on AHS: LaLaurie is the new maid! Madison wants to fuck the neighbor! Patti Lupone!

“Sometimes, when you’re in the business of parenting, you have to phone a friend for a bit of perspective and advice. Sometimes, you have to phone more than one.”

This week in lit: bookshelfies, queer superhero power couples, Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution, a pop-culture feminist syllabus and more.

It’s a difficult task to find a place that isn’t gay-friendly. It’s Vermont, you guys. You want to know where the gaybourhood is? Burlington is the gaybourhood.

Some may call this need for speed insanity, others call it energy. I’m not sure how I feel because…feelings? Who has time for feelings?

Gays can marry in Vermont, and have their marriages recognized in DC. Intern Vashti says: “We should start callin’ the gays “butter” cuz they’re on a rollllllllllll.” Also, Anyone But Me!

I want to subtitle this post: Because why the eff not.

How dare I fall for the signature move when I’ve heard about it countless times over Chinese food?

Sofia Coppola’s new film, Sarah Croce’s new web series, gay video alert, and a funny viral video about how animals eat their food.

“I am an adoptee,” I explained through my tears. “I need to find my parents. I have waited all my life for this moment. I’m supposed to leave tomorrow, but I can’t go without knowing my family is fine. Please help me!”