Hello and good afternoon. Have I told you lately that I love you? Well I’m telling you now. I love you, commenters. You are all special snowflakes.

“It felt sort of like we were masturbating together, but also masturbating at war.”

“I crush the patriarchy like a empty water bottle between my bare hands via my clothing.”

Here’s when we knew deep in our bones we were goners.

A few months ago, some of us took the Enneagram test and felt extremely uncomfortable with the truths it revealed about us. As fun as that was, we thought it would be even more fun to make even more Autostraddle staff do it and also share their results with a large audience. Let’s see if we were right!

“People are usually surprised to hear things about my past, like how I was a cheerleader, and in a sorority, and a dancer, and in musical theatre.”

Do you pick up pennies for good luck? Does part of you still think stepping on a crack will break your mother’s back? Did you know that apparently “to kill an albatross is to cause bad luck to the ship and all upon it”? Bummer!

Being a Queer Lady Magician to me means sharing the truths of our lives in unexpected, thought-provoking ways, instilling a sense of wonder, expanding our imaginations around what is possible.

When did you know it was over?

Is love a lie? PROBABLY, but these couples charmed the heck out of us this year anyway.

We’re over New Year’s resolutions – here’s what we’re looking forward to in 2018. What about you?

There was a time before time, in the yawning abyss of darkness and starfire that is the infinite and ever-expanding universe — a time before any of us had had lesbian sex. Most of us thought about it, though, or tried to imagine how it would work! We were not always correct.

Kara has an unexpected visitor, Sam discovers more about her past, Alex is criminally underused, and Lena is MIA.

Find out what the entire Autostraddle Team wants for the holigays, and nab a couple of sweet gift ideas for you and your loved ones while you’re at it!

“Almost all of the characters are terrible people and the main values I share with them are workaholism and excellent hair. But sometimes when things fall apart, it can be nice to see things fall apart somewhere entirely different, again and again and again.”

Turn on all the lights in the house and come read about the Winchester Mystery House, haunted cabins, songs playing from beyond the veil, and our deeply unsurprising number of experiences with ghost cats.

“a new column called The Thrifty Tomboy and i talk about costco for 1,200 words
per day”

Molly Ostertag knows how to draw to women (with tails and cat ears and fangs) having sex like Cate Blanchett knows how to seduce young shopgirls.

Evan Rachel Wood celebrates her birthday, Gaby Dunn celebrates America, Kristin Russo celebrates fashion week and we all celebrate Demi.

DO NOT use genitalia as a champagne flute.