Quiz: What Job Would You Have in a Lesbian Romance Novel?

Hello, it’s your queer career advisor here! Have you been wondering recently if it’s time to get a new job, or ideally any job at all? If so, then it’s your lucky day because this quiz will help you discover the truth of your career aspirations…if you were the protagonist of a lesbian romance novel!

Surprisingly, typical jobs in lesbian romance novels have little overlap with very gay jobs in real life, but in my short time training as a lesbian romance novel job advisor, I’ve discovered that these careers are perfect if you want to spend most of your time marinating in sexual tension with co-workers as opposed to doing any real work. 

While I’m yet to attain formal qualifications as a guidance counselor, I’m very confident that this quiz will be at least as useful as any career advice you received at school, but please think carefully before using the result to make any drastic life changes.


What Job Would You Have in a Lesbian Romance Novel?

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Sally does something with computers for a living. Beyond this, she enjoys making gifs, dreaming up stories, and overthinking. She lives over a river in the South of England, but her heart belongs forever to the North.

Sally has written 32 articles for us.

61 Comments

  1. Took it twice, got ‘High-Powered CEO’ the first time, ‘Investigative Reporter’ the second, and all I did was change the blazer for the leather jacket. I guess this is how these things work in a romance novel.

  2. I got “small town bakery owner,” and while I live in a city, I DO already have plans to start a loaf of bread while my girlfriend is at the farmers market picking up our CSA. So, uh, pretty accurate.

  3. High-powered CEO, which makes sense! Demanding, close-hearted business/politics lady falls in love with a sweet and loving woman IS one of my favorite lesbian romance character set-ups.

  4. My PA quiz was accurate—always have had a thing for authority figures.

    But I absolutely loved my partner’s country vet description. She does love animals and, as an owner of a dog with kidney disease, I found that last line both sadly prophetic and quite flattering.

  5. Love, love the lesbian romance novel representation. Careers in romancelandia really do not work like careers IRL.

    I got PA – Whether you’re PA to the CEO or secretary for a small-town lawyer, one thing is for sure: you’re hot for your boss. While it may take a little while for them to warm up to your perky and overly-helpful personality, your superior will come to rely on you for all their business and personal needs quicker than you can say “sexual harassment lawsuit.”

  6. High power CEO with a leather jacket and biker boots is accurate as is being emotionally stunted from competing in a mans world and drawn to an anti ethical underling. However I have to question the trustworthiness of this quiz as there was no option to obviously and aggressively ignore the man on the plane which is how both real life and romance novel me would handle the situation. Romance novel me would probably also figure out a way to buy out whatever company he works for, then make him miserable before firing him in a publicly humiliating manner and stealing his wife in a similarly public ally humiliating way. Probably at the company party where I fire him. It’s just what happens when you’re a CEO in a leather jacket in a lesbian romance, I can’t help it.

    • look, if queer girl’s hospitality specialist doesn’t work out, and i have to be a low wage hustler because Sally said, …

      then i can drive my rickety old beater through your town, break down outside your facility, and then beseech you to let me muck stalls for car repair cash, and you know you shouldn’t trust strangers but i’m so quirky earnest you can’t help it to help me. but it’s going to take some time because parts are hard to find for 1982 cars that shouldn’t be road-legal. i am 100% afraid of good-boy Trigger and so when i get stepped on you can tell me the best way to get over my fear is to get back up on the horse i was trodden under, but it will take me some time to work up the courage. that’s ok because turns out i am good at other things and there are people in town who find things they can pay me so i stay so that the vet they all adore can have some company; there may also be a low-wager pool going on at the diner about will they/won’t they & when they might. and it will shock but not surprise you when i fall off good-boy Trigger and bump my head. despite being an uncompatible species for your medical training, you will save my life, but while i’m still unconscious you will realize that your life was missing something before and i’d better pull through because it’s really not fair to make you go back to that or go through another meet-cute again. around my resurrection, your brother/ex/cousin mechanic will tell you that repairs should be done in a day or two and you will tell them there’s no rush. while i’m ‘waiting’ for my car to be fixed, the town animal shelter where you donate services will suffer a ‘setback’ threatening to close its doors forever. i will get an idea spark to organize a fundraiser that i am well-qualified to manage because i have been every kind of assistant known to humanity and have many transferable skills. the town will rally around because someone keeps driving through and abandoning un-spay/neutered animals and no one wants to be overrun like back in the 80s. when i find out my car was ready 2 weeks ago, i’m relieved that you don’t want me to go. luckily, the old city events coordinator just won the lottery and is now off to paris to study painting – and mime on the side; the lady at the general store who is also the mayor thinks i might be the right candidate to take his place. so if you want, our characters can be h e a, you do’t have to leave the place you’re settled in to find love, and i finally have a place where i belong – a real home.

      • i got concerned about queer girl’s innkeeper. I don’t think romancelandia wouldn’t leave her stranded without her own h e a. just in case – whence we last looked in on our little town…
        her b&b was really all she needed. she met nice folks and there was always something to take care of so that she sometimes thought boredom might be a nice respite. she really was happy the vet had found someone. it was no one’s fault it didn’t work out and the few dates hadn’t gone anywhere. she would hate to admit why, … no one needed to know about the incident. that the vet’s favorite color/the one used for the clinic logo and uniform shirts was that very shade of bright green that defined her anxiety was her own business. she sighed, traumatic childhood memories should not be popping up every time your date shows up straight from work, especially when they evoke clowns, untoward vomit, and the petulantly vicious kind of nickname that follows when you change schools. and, really, if it hadn’t been for her internet ad on the pop culture/queertainment website manualdismount, the new event coordinator would never have come to town and got stuck here. privately, she took a little pride in the brides-to-be’s perfect meet-cute. funny, that, being similar to how she came to live here. her parents had stopped for lunch at the town diner on the way to and from her grandparents house every time they made the 6-hour trek. she always thought it seemed like the type of place that people didn’t judge you for who you were; just friendly folks who kept up with their community. sure, intimately as it happened, but still. some people might find it claustrophobic, but she like the idea that people cared. the town called to her, and she answered. and the random competitive outdoor decorating people did for their homes and yards kept things lively. and now there was a wedding to look forward to. everyone was gearing up for an extravaganza since all had a little part in the happy couple’s denouement.
        but all the innkeepers placid resignation was about to change. frustrated yearning was blowing into town.
        she2 never spent more that a gas-stop in a small town if she could help it. the closed minds and open mouths made her2 shudder. usually her2’s vet friend came to the city to meet up. but fate had dropped the vet’s girl-of-dreams literally at her doorstep, and the two were getting married. they needed the best bartender this side of the rio to make sure the party after was everything their crazy town deserved. she2 could admit that it was kind of heart warming, the townfolk’s conspiratory lengths to make and keep the couple. the bartender shook off her musing as she grabbed her bag from the subaru crosstrek and went to check into her room at the b&b. she2 was unready for the absolute vision who was the proprietress that answered front desk bell, and damn it!, her2’s childhood stutter jumpstarted at the shock. she2 was around beautiful women at the clubs she worked all the time, so why the backslide now? even 4 days later, if anything it was worse. she2 cringes every time the innkeeper shakes her head at a nodding or monosyllabic reply; it was clear she thought she2 was too stuck-up for local conversation. if only her traitorous facial muscles would give her a break, at least she could correct the impression. and how she wished she could; the innkeeper was the first person she2’s met who did not remark on the nominative determination everyone thought they were so clever to notice. her winemaker parents were french: they had no idea they would end up in the u.s. as consultants during her formative years, and that their young daughter’s acclimation would lead her to abandon her country of origin (despite the better healthcare and retirement options), and that a daughter named Jaqueline Daniel would never hear the end of it. except this one time, in this small, congenial town. fate, yes indeed, was a cosmic joker with a cruel tinge.
        this town never leaves a romantic spark unnoticed. the wedding will take place in the courtyard adjacent to the b&b’s barn, which serves as an alfresco movie venue twice a month in the temperate clime. and thanks the previous owner, there just happens to be a full bar in said barn just waiting for someone to come along and install it in the rustic building which – you will believe! – has water and sewage hookups not-a-too-expensive-nor-time-consuming distance away. that previous owner claimed the bar from his rival’s business after an unpaid bet – no one knew how he got it out and transported in pristine condition, but a bet’s a bet. and now, the town can pull together to get the work done in time for the nuptials, which do go off with minimal but memorable hijinks, because fate always claims their bounty. though the b&b’s just-what-the-town-needs expansion to restaurant/bar/inn is an obvious conclusion, alas, loveisnotalie fans, the course of courtship is not straight. when the vet’s other old friend, who just happens to be the bartender’s ex and a momentarily disgraced chef, shows up not-in time for the wedding, but just-in for the plot wrench, well you can guess what a monkey that puts on all the progress the bartender made with the innkeeper in the successful run to the vet/coordinator’s wedded bliss. can she2 forget the past, forgive the chef for stealing the first girl she2 thought she2 loved? can she2 give in to the twist of fate and let business take its course? or is this a plot twist and love is lost?
        nope, love-is-a-lie fans will have to get their vindication elsewhere because polyamory, as it turns out, makes both good bed and businessfellows. this town can barley remember the that throuple back in the 60s, when love was free and farmlife was a just-far-enough out of town limits that people did not have to challenge their mores too often to live and let live. but today, lovers of all stripes, this town is upForIt. fate’s goodnatured grudge once again falls in romancelandia’s favor and everyone is ok with that.

    • Emergency medic. She’s a regular who depends on your bakery for her caffeine and sugar fixes. You think she doesn’t notice you, but she’s there for you during an unexpected crisis.

      Alternately:

      Professional snowboarder, in town to help out her feisty grandmother. Her gram has a sweet tooth and needs you to bake perfect birthday cake (plus she likes playing match maker for her oblivious granddaughter).

  7. I’m an investigative reporter which would absolutely give me the heart attack I’m so desperately trying to avoid before retiring.

    Wait, does this mean I get a meet-cute with that tender-hearted butch EMT when I collapse shortly after taking pictures of that hot CEO feeding her PA those delicious pastries while she’s tied up half-naked on the conference table ?

    It’s all a blur.

  8. I took it three times (low-wage hustler, hollywood actress, investigative journalist). When do I get to be the owner of a small gin distillery in a quirky rural town I’m destined to be? Pining over the big city girl that left her demanding job and her toxic girlfriend to save the bakery she inherited from her estranged father?

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