Pretty Little Liars Episode 613 Recap: Creative Writing On a Cruise Ship

Previously on Pretty Little Liars, the Liars returned from their lucrative*, fresh-from-college careers to their hometown, the murder capital of the United States of America, the place where they grew up getting perpetually murdered while also standing trial for doing murders, during which visit one of their murderers was herself murdered, and also during which visit they became suspects once again for the murder of their murderer.

(*Except for Emily, who is too broke to park her car, due to not having a career, due to dropping out of college in a cloud of debilitating depression, due to her father — the only honorable adult male in Rosewood, PA — dying.)

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The One With the Cucumber Threesome

Radley Sanitarium may no longer be the world’s worst mental health treatment facility, but one thing remains the same: Those sapphic vibes! Rather than doing the lesbian ghost waltz and whispering about how “practicing” kissing girls is better than kissing boys, like the days of yore, the Liars have opted for a couples massage. Sara Harvey is there, too, and she’s blind because of some mystery they were involved in, but is she really blind? Wait, no. It’s her hands. Her hands are covered up because of some mystery they were involved in, but is she really fingertip-less? Emily wants to know what the heck Sara was doing in the cemetery the other night, and Sara says it’s none of her beeswax, she was communing with a dead friend, deal with it, do you want her to take her gloves off, Emily, huh, is that what you want? IS IT?

That is not what Emily wants.

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Misandry gets on my nerves.

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Rejecting the use of hyperbolic anger as a coping mechanism for dealing with a privileged, oppressive majority group gets on my nerves.

And nobody is getting what they want today! For example, do you think Ashley Marin wants to spend her days trying to explain away this or that crime committed by her daughter? No, she does not. But that’s what she’s doing. Instead of shoplifting, instead of renting a storage locker filled with killin’ tools and decomposing bodies, this time it’s deleting hotel security camera footage. Ashley tells Lorenzo she doesn’t know why the homicides started up again and why the evidence of the homicides started disappearing again when Hanna swooped back into town, but let her observe, let us all observe, that Spencer Hastings arrived at the exact same time, okay? And Ashley doesn’t want to point fingers, but there’s never been a dead body in her yard. Hanna may have buried a gun in a frat house garden one time, but she never got addicted to Study Drug. She never got admitted to an institution known for housing criminally insane people.

Ashley: Hello, Detective Lorenzo just realized the hotel lobby security footage from the night of Charlotte’s murder is missing.
Hanna: Well, don’t look at me. I haven’t tampered with evidence in a murder investigation since the third year of senior year.

Hanna, you’ll remember, spent the majority of her high school days with a hacker who was so good with computer stuff that he one time wiped a hard drive clean with his mind while he was in police custody. So who does she turn to for help with this security footage debacle? Lucas Gottesman, obviously. This 23-year-old “game app” maker rolls back to Rosewood in a “silver Jag,” just enjoying a little downtime between decorating his town houses in Los Angeles, New York, and Tokyo. Just hanging out and remembering the time Hanna pushed him out of a canoe in the middle of a river in the middle of the night. That time Hanna danced with him at homecoming for a hundred dollars a jig. That time Mona blackmailed him into doing A stuff and Toby, who was fake-dead at the time and also working for Mona, almost ran him under with an SUV. Good times, good times. He’s back here remembering those times.

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Hey, it’s me, Mr. Cool Chill Guy who hasn’t been stalking you on Facebook for five years.

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Just kidding, it’s Lucas.

He agrees to be Hanna’s alibi for the night the security footage was deleted and gets off on weaving this elaborate yarn about how he brought in greasy food and then served her the most ice cold iciest ice champagne from the ice machine that didn’t exist on the third floor and then they had sexual intercourse. Hanna stops him at that point in his deposition to say they just talked, no intercourse, but Lorenzo doesn’t believe any of it.

Melissa has returned home from jolly old England because she’s helping her mom get elected to the state senate. She tries to coach Spencer about how to give an interview to FuzzFeed Wesbsite Page, but keeps getting distracted by the way Spencer and Caleb are flirting with each other. Melissa assumes that when Spencer tells Caleb she wants him to burn her toast what she really means is that she wants Caleb to put his P in her V. She also assumes that this potential consensual sex act between two single adults is the same thing as when her grown-up boyfriends seduced her underage sister and filmed her and her friends at their slumber parties. “Shopping in other people’s carts” is what she calls it, as opposed to the thing I’ve always heard it called, which is “being the victim of a felony.”

Maybe that’s what I’ll call victim-blaming from now on. “Shopping in other people’s carts.”

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Caleb is all yours. Emily and I have been together since 2011.

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Spencer asks Hanna if she can get with Caleb, and, like, this will be the first time for them, in terms of getting with it, because she definitely would not have gotten with it with him in Europe without consulting Hanna first because ovaries before brovaries. Hanna grimaces and turns it into a smile and says Spencer should go for it.

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Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle senior writer who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 1038 articles for us.

66 Comments

  1. I support Spencer and Caleb 100% Caleb is the only decent male on the show. I missed seeing Ali in the episode and it doesn’t look like she will be in the next on either ? I want to know where Mr. Dilaurentis and Jason are… Has it been mentioned? Ali appears to have the house to herself. Also why do the liars immediately suspect Ali of being the new stalker? I understand she has a motive because she wants to know what happened to Charlotte but that doesn’t seem like her style.

    • There was only a mention from someone (possibly Ali, but I’m not sure) that Jason didn’t want to be at CeCe’s funeral, but no further elaboration of why…

      Since this new person (red devil would probably be the most obvious nickname) seems to target the liars because s/he thinks they know what happened to Cece but are keeping quiet about it, it’s not such a reach that the most obvious suspect would be Ali. So that’s likely why they’re speculating that she may be behind it. Who else would be so determined to find out what happened to Cece, and punish her killer(s)…

      But it seems like they won’t suspect Ali for very long. The press release for episode 6.15 (in other words the episode that airs on February the 9th) says that they will turn their attention towards Sara as a suspect for this new threat, and that “Ali comforts Emily in her time of need.”

    • At the moment, the Liars don’t trust Ali and vice versa. When they got back to Rosewood in 6×11 they were planning on freezing out Ali and CeCe anyway. They were going to give their statements in the hearing, for closure and for the good times they had with Ali, then leave Ali and CeCe to their games and lies. Jason and Kenneth don’t seem to be home because the Liars said Ali and CeCe were going to be all alone in the house. Jason and Kenneth weren’t on-camera at the funeral; Ali sat with Dr. Rollins. Jason and Kenneth were on really bad terms with CeCe, so it makes sense that they left before her potential release. I’m guessing they went to live in Aunt Carol’s house. Carol Ward, who died the same year Ali and Sara went missing and the same year Bethany died. Before A was revealed and after Jessica died, I think Kenneth announced that they’re moving, which Ali didn’t want. So maybe Ali bought/is renting the house like Jason used to.

      • I see what you mean about how Ali and the rest of the liars pretty much have moved on from each other and how Ali is “team Cece” and the rest of the liars are “team each other”. Emily never could abandon Ali in her time of need, like we saw in the winter premiere when Cece died, and apparantly vice versa is true as well since the press release for episode 15 says that Ali will comfort Emily in her time of need.

        I am not really sure of how Jason feels about all this though. Yes, he skipped the funeral, but if you remember a sneak peek that was released months ago it showed both him and Ali visiting Cece at the asylum she was staying in, and they both hugged her. I don’t know if that clip was discarded or if it will show up as some sort of “in between”-flashback, but Jason didn’t seem to hold any grudge against Cece, at least not at that point…

        • It definitely makes sense that Ali and Emily will always put their differences aside to help each other in dire situations. Jason remembers young CeCe fondly as his ‘imaginary’ friend and as his cousin. His real dad, Peter Hastings never spent time with him, so he was willing to risk his life just for some long-lost male bonding when he agreed to meet his ‘brother’ in secret. CeCe clearly knew that would get to him so she could inject him with Serum or possibly have an honest conversation with him. In the bonus scenes for 3×13 (when CeCe had just recently become A), she tried to have a heart to heart with him, as his ex-girlfriend who dumped him right after Ali went missing, but he wouldn’t hear it because he was still heartbroken. Jason loved her as a cousin and as a girlfriend, so it wouldn’t be stretch for him to love her as sister if he did indeed forgive her.

          • It still doesn’t really explain why Jason at first visited Cece together with Ali at the asylum after the truth was revealed, and seemingly being on good terms with her, only to later on refusing to go to her funeral. But I guess that we will see a lot of “in between”-scenes that took place between Cece being revealed as A and getting released and murdered.

          • Without context, it doesn’t make sense, but it won’t take much to reconcile the two. Maybe he murdered her, maybe going to her funeral would be too painful for him, maybe he felt like she wouldn’t have wanted him there, maybe someone attended who he didn’t want to face for some reason, etc.

          • Yeah, since almost five years went by, there’s like a million possible scenarios that would explain why CeCe and Jason started to dislike each other enough for Jason to refuse to go to her funeral. Hopefully they will let us know soon. And I’m quite hopeful. They didn’t drag the “what happened to Sara’s hands”-storyline out for very long.

  2. I know I’m late to the party but I’m finally catching up on this season and just had to say something.

    Did anyone else notice how, in his poor-me-and-my-manpain-because-of-what-Charlotte-did-to-you-so-I’m-not-sad-she’s-dead rant, Ezra refused to actually gender Charlotte correctly? A couple times he refers to her as “this person” and once he refers to her as “they.” I can’t help but wonder/hope if this is a deliberate choice on the writer’s part to actually make some form of pro-trans statement and to actually start pointing out Ezra’s awfulness.

    It actually made me think that the only way I’d actually be okay with the Ezra-as-Charlotte’s killer storyline would be if it was really a complete and total take down of Ezra in all his awfulness, starting with him killing Charlotte as a hate crime against her as a trans woman and then further delving into all of his other awfulness as the king of all things white and male and privileged, stalker, predator, asshole.

    That all being said, it’s probably much more likely that Ezra’s language here was either just sloppy writing or them just using it as a way to point out that Ezra didn’t have any sympathy for Charlotte, with no deeper message about the shittiness of such language being conveyed.

    • I noticed this as well and when I pointed it out to my husband, he speculated that (if the show ever re-confirms that Ezra is the total garbage person we all know he is) maybe he’s not just a transphobe but a homophobe as well, and that’s why Emily always seems to get the worst of it.

      Heather, my husband is a straight, white, cis man who has learned SO much from your reviews. Sometimes he gets a little eye rolly in the middle of some deeper social commentary (we read the reviews out loud to each other after watching or rewatching an episode) because he’s focused on the humor, but we always go back and discuss the issues in depth. I’m a queer woman and he’s always been a moderately good listener where I’m concerned and has been not quite *insensitive* to various issues when they’re pointed out to him, but since reading your reviews he’s been noticing things on his own and is understanding concepts like privilege, representation, and microaggressions better than I could have hoped. Whereas he used to kind of think I was being too sensitive to certain things he’s now running around exclaiming things like “She has no agency!” before I can say anything, and is horrified by the portrayal of women in most media and our treatment just in life and history and the empathy and awareness has bled over into issues of race as well. So, thank you.

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