Pinterest Should Calm Down: Some More Internet Haikus

deleted snapchat
feels good to not even try
will do this again

that game “name that tune”
but with instagram pictures
for if gay or straight

want to mommy blog
about my fake son brayden
what a little shit

a wise man once said
kidding it was a woman
retweeting is free

would love a thinkpiece
about why baby boomers
are so into p!nk

pinterest should calm down
all covering articles
every time you scroll

once in chicago
i rode the train with tav
felt like father time

susan miller flow
is stalling a site update
during retrograde

you’ll never believe
which of these celebrities
have aged over time

something sad is that
koko the gorilla’s blog
is better than mine

speaking of koko
her PR rep denied me
use of her blog pics

my old yahoo! mail
dates back so far it’s flooded
with dELia*s deals

i wonder how long
i would be able to last
inside xojane

stop using faceswap
it’s scary and is not good
hear my unique cry

when i’m on venmo
it feels way too personal
like i’ve seen too much

so glad that weird al
wasn’t famous at a time
we had internet

my favorite celebs
are instagram basset hounds
they’re free to follow

feel bad for kids now
i have like 80 passwords
how many will they?

why does google maps
stay trying to stunt on me
what’s it want from me

my fav facebook phrase
is “gotta love” and then _____
gotta love ellen

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Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.


  1. delias!! Wow if I could have back all the birthday money (and mall money? I vaguely recall my parents sometimes giving me $20 to go to the mall, but never an actual, regular allowance) I spent on Dr. Seuss t-shirts from delias–well, I would probably have dressed a lot cooler in middle school, for a start.

  2. haiku comment time
    yr article was v nice
    but snapchat is great

    like really come on
    i love the idiot filters
    and creeping stories

    photo roll face swap
    is so astoundingly bad
    it’s the best ever

  3. “stop using faceswap
    it’s scary and is not good
    hear my unique cry”

    OMG ME! They are so terrifying! And sometimes the face swaps don’t even work! Like! Why!!!! Stop!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. this title reminds
    me of the toast: “the sky needs
    to calm down of birds”

    <3 but also :(

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