NSFW Sunday Is Persistent and Perplexing

Feature of @qquadeva via RodeoH. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are courtesy of RodeoH. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

@ERYKA_415 via RodeoH

+ You don’t need organic lube

“There are two criteria when it comes to lubes, says Lauren Streicher, associate clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Northwestern University’s medical school and the medical director of the Center for Sexual Health: 1) Do they work (i.e., are they slippery enough and do they last long enough)? and 2) Are they non-irritating? Beyond that is personal preference, she says. But in her experience, it’s the silicone-based lubes that provide the best bang for your buck (literally).

“Silicone lube is really the Porsche of lubes, if you will,” Streicher says, noting that in general they don’t require lots of additives, they don’t cause infections, they last a long time, and they’re very slippery. I can attest to this. My own experience with silicone lube is that while there may not be anything particularly exciting about it, it certainly gets the job done. Water-based lubes are usually stickier and tend to have more additives. Streicher also says that there are some additives in various lubricants—petroleum and glycerin to name a couple—that have been shown to have negative effects on vaginal health.”

This is your forever reminder to not pair silicone lube with silicone sex toys. 

@itsmeshortea + @nikia_deshawn via RodeoH

+ The problem of finding good casual sex “is persistent and perplexing.” But women who sleep with dudes have discovered what women who sleep with women have known for forever: it’s fun to hook your exes up with your friends.

+ But what does casual sex look like anyway? At Bitch, adrienne maree brown investigates via roundtable, and Mai’a Williams offers her definition:

“Really, for me, casual sex is sex I have that doesn’t require other emotional labor. Like, I don’t have to care about your hard day at work, or your relationship with your mom, or a nightmare you had last week. I might care, I might not care, but I don’t have to care. […]  I have a natural and crafted talent for giving and receiving pleasure. I like having sex without having all the emotional labor involved. I like practicing my craft. It feels like writing a good poem or dancing to a song you know by heart. It feels good to be good at something.”

@dcannnon via RodeoH

+ Pay for your porn.

+ When you’re rejected, don’t make it about your relationship with yourself, don’t try to make yourself feel less small by making someone else feel smaller, don’t see it as a failure, and accept your feelings as your feelings without pushing them away or focusing too hard on them.

+ Epiphora reviewed Dildo Diaries, a 2002 documentary exploring since-overturned anti-sex-toy legislation in Texas, and it’s wild.

+ People still worry about sex on the first date. (Which is mostly the patriarchy talking. You do you, or each other, whichever seems right.) 

+ Chatbots could be a new wave of sex educators. Porn stars already are

@thebigbeautiful via RodeoH

+ Kink dating apps: making it easier to find other kinky people, or making it easy for newbies to be irresponsible?:

“These new apps paint kink as an identity or regular practice, similar to how people in the scene depict themselves, and they try to match people on anything from simple acts (like pegging) to fairly intense fetishes (like breath play). Yet while some apps nod to community and education, they cannot ensure it, or police norms, as effectively as old-school kink spaces. Still, no one’s out to kill these apps. “It’s great to have increased opportunities for kink practitioners, or the curious, to meet each other,” said Daveed. But he and others believe apps ought to do a little more soul searching about how to encourage safe, sane, and consensual kink rather than just provide a new meat market on which anyone, even non-initiates, can wander blindly into any sort of kinkiness.”

@rat_prince via RodeoH


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Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Editor and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Bitch, Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

Carolyn has written 783 articles for us.

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