NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Does Not Believe in Sloppy Exits

Feature image of Emperatrix and Nicki Honey in Crash Pad Series episode 260. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Humans have a sexual future that involves robots. But what does that look like?:

“Androids are at once a stand-in and a stepping stone, merely one element of a holistic personal framework comprising coping mechanisms and support. These automatons are a sorely-needed intervention offering novel intimacies. They are also poor surrogates for what Rainer Maria Rilke calls “the highest task of a bond between two people”: to guard the independence of the other. Guarding the independence of one another—that work is up to us.”

Emma Claire and Lilian Rose

Emma Claire and Lilian Rose in Crash Pad Series episode 283

Shine Louise Houston, who runs Pink and White Productions (which makes Crash Pad, aka the queer porn from which photos and affiliate links appear all over this post), was profiled at Allure and discussed getting started in porn, representation, what goes into adult film production, SESTA and FOSTA, and wishing people could see porn as just another genre:

” I wish that people would just consider porn just another film genre, because that’s what it is. I think people watch movies like Endgame… or stuff like that, and they can go into that suspension of disbelief — they don’t believe [it], like, “Oh, that’s totally real.” But there’s this weird thing that happens with porn that somehow people can’t totally switch off their suspension of disbelief, and I think that’s partly marketing is that, “Ooh, it’s real,” but it’s not! It’s film.

So much preparation and negotiation happen on set when the cameras are on, when the cameras are off. There’s still a lot of negotiation. There’s all the safety that happens. You might not see the condom, but the condom is there. Do you know what I mean?”

Here’s what’s up with pregnancy sex.

Selphie Labrys and Tessa Wreck’d

Selphie Labrys and Tessa Wreck’d in Crash Pad Series episode 265

Here’s a bunch of baseless speculation on whether or not it’s “okay” to kiss on the first date with the conclusion that if everyone wants to maybe you should, and if not everyone wants to then maybe don’t:

Really, the only rule of dating is that there are no rules. (Well, besides treating your date with respect and making sure everything you and your date do together is consensual, that is.) Some people like to kiss and have sex on the first date because they want to know if they have physical chemistry before committing to a second date. Some people prefer to wait until they know the person a little better to do anything physical. And some people plan to wait until a monogamous commitment or even marriagebefore kissing. Personally, I kiss on a first date if I’m into the person and the opportunity comes up, but I’m not going to write someone off if the first date ends without a kiss, either.”

Maxine Azula and Mistress Lita Lecherous

Maxine Azula and Mistress Lita Lecherous in Crash Pad episode 284

One time in a since-deleted tweet from 2017 I jokingly-not-jokingly suggested that the next level of KonMari is people and it turns out I was right. Here’s Marie Kondo on when a relationship no longer sparks joy:

“By looking frankly at yourself, the relationship and your own role within it, you will also have to confront your past choices and identify your needs in the present. This is often the most painful and tedious part of the process, but at the end of it you will come to understand what you value the most – in life, in yourself and in the relationship.
If, after doing this work, you determine that the other person’s values are fundamentally different or in conflict with your own, you should consider letting the relationship go.”

She also advises against a “sloppy exit,” which is truly an excellent way to describe the vast range of indirect, avoidant, cowardly, and/or unethical behaviors that people sometimes adopt on their way out the door and which I will use in five sentences daily for the rest of my life. Not saying it’s over when it’s over, ghosting, icing, simmering, whatever? Sloppy exit. Breaking up with a long-term in a text of exclusively emoji? Sloppy exit. Sloppy exitttttttttt.

Carolyn Yates is the NSFW Consultant, and was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor, for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She recently moved to Los Angeles from Montreal. Find her on twitter.

Carolyn has written 940 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. Yeah, it does make sense to KonMari your relationships.

    As much as I applaud a non-sloppy exit, which I had occasion to practice not so long ago, it still hurts like heck. But pain is good, right ? Right.

  2. Thanks for the reminder. Need to undo one of my worst sloppy friend-exits, I think. At least give someone an explanation for ghosting them after 11 years of friendship (well, they know why, but still).

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