NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Doesn’t Want To Sleep Over

Feature image of Maggie McMuffin and Tender Furiosa in Crash Pad Series episode 295. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Izel the Alpha and Puppy Chulo

Izel the Alpha and Puppy Chulo in Crash Pad Series episode 289

If you and a partner have wildly different sleep schedules, whether because of shift work or preference, start by talking about your different needs, consider a new mattress, and remember that sleeping well is more important to your relationship than sleeping together:

“If sleeping incompatibilities can’t be fixed with the purchase of a new mattress, ‘Simply sleep separately,’ says Cralle. ‘I don’t like the term ‘sleep divorce’ because of the negative connotation with sleeping separately — whether all the time or some of the time, it should have no negative connotation. Sleep deprivation should be the only thing with a negative connotation.’

While sleeping together can feel like a bonding experience, Cralle believes that quality sleep is far more important to a relationship. ‘Well-rested people make for happier relationships,’ says Cralle. ‘Sleep deprivation can lead to health problems (both physical and psychological) as well as irritability, job dissatisfaction, problems communicating, decreased libido, risk-taking, poor judgment, poor job performance, pessimism, lack of motivation, problems concentrating, fertility problems, memory problems — a host of things that can negatively impact a couple’s well-being.'”

Chocolate Chip and Emperatrix

Chocolate Chip and Emperatrix in Crash Pad Series episode 278

Sex robots have a certain place in the cultural imagination. But they also post a capitalistic threat:

“The sex-tech industry has a growing role in an age where individuals are increasingly apathetic toward traditional unions such as marriage and family but still require intimacy and sexual satiety. But the temptation to treat that requirement as a kind of exploitable vulnerability may be difficult for tech companies to resist. The combination of an immersive technology with rewards tailored to the individual may allow sex-tech companies to use their position to intensify demand for their products while making interpersonal sexual intimacy ever more elusive. Rather than provide gratification, they may create or recreate conditions of lack of control and alienation. The product is not sex then but behavioral addiction.”

Jacquie Blu and Valerie Paige

Jacquie Blu and Valerie Paige in Crash Pad Series episode 294

Sometimes you meet your best friend on a kinky threesome app, you know? At Nylon, Amanda Montell writes about an experience on Feeld, both for threesomes and for friendship:

“Feeld ended up being the only app I kept on my phone. That’s because Feeld is not just for people interested in group sex. It’s simply for people who are down to be extremely forthcoming about what they’re looking for sexually, whatever that may be (which, IMHO, is ideally how all dating apps should work). ‘A lot of people on Feeld are just looking for hookups, but you know what? So are most people on every dating app—they’re just not upfront about it,’ wrote Aimée Lutkin, a fellow Feeld user, for Lifehacker last year. ‘When you get explicit about having sex with someone on Tinder, they react like a cartoon wolf: over the top, freakishly horny, no chill. On Feeld, you can ask someone what they’re into, and they’ll tell you.’”

Maggie McMuffin and Tender Furiosa

Maggie McMuffin and Tender Furiosa in Crash Pad Series episode 295

Here’s how to muff.

“As BDSM becomes friendlier-feeling: Is it still the same kink? Can you still take this deviant sexuality seriously if you’re getting flogged with a pink toy?” writes Lina Dune at Vice.

Try talking to strangers.

Can you be good at dating? It’s unclear but one way to start might be this: if you have a first date with someone and they cancel four times, maybe stop trying to make a first date with that person.

Here are some tips to stay safe as a cam girl.

Here are some things you can fly with (if you want to fly with CBD or a butt plug or poppers).

Izel the Alpha and Puppy Chulo

Izel the Alpha and Puppy Chulo in Crash Pad Series episode 289

It’s okay if you sometimes experience negative emotions after sex and you are not alone:

“After a spell of essentially expending myself in pursuit of sexual sovereignty, I began to feel negative emotions after sex. I felt guilty, messy, ashamed and embarrassed. Did everyone feel like this? Everyone else is doing it, and they’re all enjoying it, right? Instead of investigating these feelings, I was quick to dismiss them. I thought I must’ve been overthinking, and should count my blessings that I was getting any at all. But the feelings stuck around. They stuck around hard, growing and thriving after each sexual encounter like a parasite feeding on my self-worth. I began to look inwards. I wondered if I was expecting too much from partners. I worried that I was the problem and, after a while, I became overpowered by an unshakeable, gut-wrenching feeling of shame – all at my own expense.”

Carolyn Yates was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She lives in Los Angeles by way of Montreal and Toronto. Find her on twitter or instagram.

Carolyn has written 959 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. I sleep poorly with other people in the bed, and it’s been considered a major problem by my partners when I tell them I need my space to get decent sleep. Life sucks when you’re exhausted, it’s not selfish to need sleep!

  2. I know I’ve said this before but I don’t ever sleep in the same bed as other people and they can take it SO personally! It’s not about them, whoever they are.. it’s just I need to be alone to sleep. I’ll happily get back in in the morning to cuddle/fuck/whatever else..

  3. Chiming in as another one who’s been guilt-tripped in the past for sometimes needing my own space to sleep. Thankfully I’ve found someone who’s totally on board with it, and feel more confident about asserting my boundaries with any future partners, but there’s always a little bit of lingering guilt in the back of my head and it sucks. Sleep has been SUCH a delicate issue for me and some people who never struggle with it just do not get it.

  4. Feeld app stopped working for me since updating to Android 10. Even when it was working there wasn’t too many people on the app and some of it was cis usually het men(sorry but not into men) partnered to a cis woman.

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