Gay Families Are So Special Yet SO Just Like Us, Aren’t They?

GAY FAMILY INVASION: Gay Couples, A Close Look at This Modern Family, Parenting: Someone at The USA Today has seen the sitcom on the television about the gays with the gayby and has seen the light and realized the magic stone at the heart of the American dream: the homosexuals. She has even interviewed someone named Goldberg about it, there has been an official study proving that we are not monsters OR aliens! Let’s take a gander:

“Gay households have more in common than not with their heterosexual counterparts who are also raising kids, the research shows. “The sexual orientation of a parent has really little to do with their parenting,” Goldberg says.”

If you read the whole article you might be left with the impression that we are all very special snowflakes or monkeys, which is true! But you know, that’s fine actually. We should all talk to people simply about monkeys. Not everyone is an enlightened smug asshat like I am, reading the news every day as I do now, and so, bravo, USA Today, I am glad that you will be delivered to the ‘doormat’ of everyone at the Holiday Inn Express and sold at McDonalds and read all over the world. Let’s get this information out there, however we can.

Do you think it’s weird that the “LIFE” section of the USA Today is about movies and teevee shows? Like it’s not about LIFE at all. In our LIFE section you can make your own magnets. FYI. That’s real you can’t do that shit in the wild.

TAXICAB HOMOPHOBIA: A partnered gay couple was kicked out of a taxi for hugging en route home to East Harlem. According to one of the men (27 years old), the driver yelled: “You guys have to get out of the taxi! Hugging is not allowed in here!” (@nypost) [Sidenote; this never happened to me when I used to make out with my then-roommate in the backseat of taxi cabs to Brooklyn? SEXISM!]

BREASTS: A woman has invented a cupless bra designed for women who fear wrinkles between their breasts, by holding the chest in place while sleeping. The bra is being referred to as the “La Decollette Anti-Wrinkle Night Bra.” Is it weird that I kinda want one? (@dailyexpressuk)

JUDY BLUME: Remember in 4th grade when Are You There God It’s Me Margaret solved all of life’s problems? Judy is still there for you and can help you out: 8 High School Sex Lessons I Learned From Judy Blume. (@lemondrop)

LESBIAN THEME WEDDINGS: Proving that anything heteros can do gays can do better, a lesbian couple went the thematic route with video games and anime for their wedding. (@offbeatbride)

I MISS YOU MICHIGAN: “What is Grosse Pointe now, a modern day India?!”

SEX CRIMES: If you’ve ever seen To Catch a Predator or any of the other shows that catch people online into arranging to have sex with children, it’s probably crossed your mind that the line between entrapment and pre-medidated criminal behavior gets a little blurry. We forget this of course because who really has sympathy for anyone willing to entertain pedophilia, even if it wasn’t exactly their idea. Vanity Fair brings you both sides of one man’s story: “Both the policewoman and her target give the author their versions of the truth, in a case that challenges the conventional wisdom about online sexual predators, and blurs the lines among crime, “intent,” and enticement.”

Jezebel notes: “… law enforcement energy might be better spent elsewhere, and perhaps we as a society should redirect our attention to problems that actually harm actual children — not men who solicit made-up girls.

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  1. What?! My queer family is not special? Then, how will I get those “special rights” I hear so much about?

    Thanks a lot for the bra article. Now, I’m going to go to bed tonight topless and keep peeking at myself with a flashlight to find out if my chest is wrinkly. Thanks to Autostraddle I have to add “Boob Vigilance” to my daily list of things to do.

    • there’s something to put on your resume. “fluent in french, polisci major, tirelessly boob vigilant…”

  2. gay parents are a “cultural phenomenon”? really? A CULTURAL F*CKING PHENOMENON?! wtf, america.

    and then I looked @ the offbeat bride article and died of cute.

  3. What I love the most (and there is so much to love) is that this article was not inspired by actual gay families, but by A SITCOM. Oh they have a sitcom now, time to find out if they’re normal, like the vampires who also have a show.

  4. Boobs + Wrinkles = Binkles.

    I didn’t know this was a problem. Save your $80 and wear a sports bra backwards.

  5. I must say, my favorite part is at the end when they speculate whether or not being raised by gay parents will make kids gay. makes me wonder, if both my parents are straight, where’d I pick up the homo?

  6. “The sexual orientation of a parent has really little to do with their parenting”

    Ah! Really??? Silly me, I thought good parenting was all about forcing the right sexual orientation out of your children.

    “Do you think it’s weird that the “LIFE” section of the USA Today is about movies and teevee shows? Like it’s not about LIFE at all”

    Autostraddle = GENIUS

  7. I’m just curious…WHAT DID THEY THINK WE DID? Like, specifically, what did they think gay parents did that straight parents didn’t, or vice versa???
    I guess the only good thing about the article is that some people will read it and actually (maybe) change their minds based on it? Maybe some people just need a good ole reliable source on these things. What is more reliable than a newspaper article and a sitcom? Whatever it takes, right?

  8. Ok I just went into Law and Order SVU mode after reading the sex crimes article and wrote out a long-ass comment that was slightly enraged but then I erased it because I got bored when I tried to proofread it. HOWEVER, the Jezebel comment kind of chapped my sapphic ass because although it may be a “made-up girl” this time, those same predators might prey on actual children the next time. And as far as the account of the target goes, the credibility of a person who enters into an agreement of having sex with a child kind of goes out the window.

    • I read the whole article too and was going to comment but then for some reason I didn’t. I still don’t know how I feel about it. The article definitely tried to show a more sympathetic side to J, and it does seem as though he never intended to have sex with her children. But when looking at it on a larger scale, there’s still the thought that pedophiles out there and you don’t want to take a risk … I don’t know. I feel like probably in the long run it’s better to just educate kids on chat room safety. If the kids are smart enough to log off when someone wants to meet up and have sex with them then this problem wouldn’t exist. That’s kind of idealistic though.

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