It’s a rare rainy night in sunny Los Angeles, but deep in the sticky annals of women’s sports bar Tonya and Nancy’s, a different kind of wetness is accumulating — between the legs of the women crowding the bar for a Heated Rivalry finale re-watch party.

Every Sunday night, fans gather here to feed their ongoing obsession with “the gay hockey show” — but not all of them are lusting about yearning, or about Heated Rivalry’s two leading men, or about a show that feels hopeful and heartfelt despite the absolute hellscape of a universe we are actually living in.

Some of them are lusting after the lusters.

“I’ve been unemployed for seven months,” said Journeigh, a 26-year-old lesbian wearing a backwards “Daddy” hat. “I can’t find a job or a girlfriend to save my life. But these women don’t care. Their husbands have jobs, I guess? So like, he works, and I find her clitoris.”

After reading Why Heated Rivalry is the Perfect Adaptation of the Romance Novel’s Strict Conventions, Your Obsession with Heated Rivalry Is About Much More Than Sex, Therapists Say, What Four Midwest Teens Really Think About Heated Rivalry, Heated Rivalry Is Everywhere: Should Straight People Watch It?,  the mass psychosis of Heated Rivalry fandom, Why Heated Rivalry Made Me Say ‘Fuck Aristotle’, Heated Rivalry Is a Show To Heal Our Collectively Bruised Hearts, Heated Rivalry Isn’t Even Remotely Realistic. That’s Why We Love It, Heated Rivalry Sidesteps The Humiliation of Being American, Why Heated Rivalry Matters For Men’s Sports, Heated Rivalry: It’s Not the Sex, It’s the Safety, heated rivalry gave me hopes for the bros, Autistic Representation in Heated Rivalry: Nothing About Shane Needed Explaining, My Hot Take on Heated Rivalry? It’s Not That Hot, Why Heated Rivalry is the New Pride & Prejudice, How Heated Rivalry Took Over Romancelandia, It’s Been ‘Fun,’ Heated Rivalry, The Narrative Genius of Heated Rivalry, Heated Rivalry and the Art of Anti-Dystopia, Why Heated Rivalry is a Girl’s Best Friend, Why Every Woman You Know Is Frothing-at-the-Mouth Feral for Heated Rivalry, Girls Who Love Boys Who Love Boys: When did everyone start fujoing out?, Why Are Straight, Middle-Aged Women So Into ‘Heated Rivalry’?, Why Are So Many Women Falling For Heated Rivalry?, Women Are Feral For ‘Heated Rivalry,’ What Does That Say About Men? and, finally, Why Has ‘Heated Rivalry’ Launched So Much Heated Discourse? — you might think there’s nothing left to say or observe about Heated Rivalry.

But then there I was, sitting at the bar, realizing perhaps the last possible Heated Rivalry pitch in the universe was right there, scissoring in front of me.

“I’m not looking for Miss Right,” Journeigh added. “I’m just looking for Mrs Right Now.” She explained that often bi-curious straight women get a “bad rap” for “using” lesbians for sexual experimentation, but that she is “totally” down to be someone’s experiment. After 6.5 years at Mount Holyoke getting her bachelor’s degree, she is “done with processing” and “ready to fuck.” “You’d think watching men have sex would make them wanna have sex with men,” Gina shrugged. “But I don’t see any men here. And I am wearing a binder.”

“I actually don’t identify as a lesbian anymore,” said Katya, 33, who had short pink hair and had been playing tonsil hockey with a straight woman in Delta Gamma sweatpants at the bar. “Connor Storrie like, changed something in me.”

“He’s really talented,” I agreed.

“But just ’cause I’m attracted to men doesn’t mean I wanna have extended interactions with them,” she continued. “So me and uh, Donna? We have that in common.”

“If I wasn’t here, cruising, I’d probably be home, watching gay male porn and jerking off,” said Sami, a micro-influencer with a two wrist tattoos in different fonts. “Instead I’m here, watching gay male porn, and then going down on a baddie for 12 minutes in the backseat of my Camaro.”

Maybe there’s something to it, though: that the draw to Heated Rivalry isn’t always about a draw towards men, but a draw towards same-sex sexual activity, period  — in all of its unexpected, surprising, delightfully transgressive glory. Maybe it’s not so weird that so many people are interested in giving it a shot.

As the night comes to a close, the girls leave holding hands. “We’re going to the cottage!” they scream, a liberating cry into the mirthful night.