Two Lesbians Rank Every ‘Halloween’ Movie

Welcome to Two Lesbians Rank, part of Horror Is So Gay: Part V. Drew Burnett Gregory and Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya are ranking slashers throughout the month of October. This is our final installment in the 2026 slasher series, introduced by Kayla.

Happy Halloween! We watched every Halloween movie so you don’t have to! No, really, I can’t say I recommend watching every single Halloween movie in a matter of days. Of the slasher franchises we ranked for this project, this one has the most films in it, and at a certain point, you really start to wonder why? What does make Michael Myers so endlessly replicable?

I think it’s as simple as the fact that, for the most part, Michael doesn’t actually represent anything. As many of the sequels reiterate, he is simply evil incarnate. So if we were to say he represents anything at all, it is simply the concept of: Bad. That’s a pretty blank canvas to project onto, so it does follow that a million movies would be made about the killing machine who represents little else other than senseless violence. Sometimes, that yields a great film, but more often than not, it yields something hollow and, well, boring. Some of the other slasher franchises we watched were hard to get through (Texas Chainsaw Massacre, to be certain), but this was the only one that really felt like a slog.

There were some high points though, and even more interesting to me, there were several films on which Drew and I significantly diverged in our opinions. For example, I took to the Rob Zombie entries much more than she did. But one thing was true for us both: We will defend Halloween III forever! Audiences hated it at the time because it didn’t have Michael Myers. But the franchise’s over-reliance on this blank canvas of a villain so often becomes its undoing.

13. Halloween Kills (2021)

A greatest hits through the worst aspects of all the other sequels with a handful of terrible additions. Laurie is barely in the movie, and Laurie’s family introduced in the previous film is also barely in most of the movie. Instead, the focus is on the town of Haddonfield, a collection of poorly written characters in poorly written scenarios. This is all in service of a narrative about how sometimes cops shoot the wrong people because their jobs are so hard but they’re still good guys who we should trust. The weak attempt at critiquing mob violence is undermined by its own narrative and ends up just feeling like further support of cops. And don’t even get me started on the baffling gay couple. Simply, one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. – D

12. Halloween: Resurrection (2002)

The desire to mimic the success of Scream led to one of Halloween’s best films (more on that later) but its second more explicit attempt is one of the worst. It kills off its biggest star in the prologue, and it has a lot of meta elements, but it’s not suspenseful nor clever. It’s largely inoffensive, except to the precious time we spend on this earth. The characters are thin, the plot nonsensical, and the reality TV commentary heavy-handed. It’s just bad. Boring and bad. – D

11. Halloween Ends (2022)

Not good but also not uninteresting. The conclusion of the recent misguided trilogy sidelines Michael for most of its runtime to focus on another resident in Haddonfield whose fear of Michael led him to accidentally kill a kid he was babysitting. It’s an intriguing pivot, executed poorly. Torn between this new premise and the expected beats of a legacy sequel, this ends up feeling like not much of anything. Boring and baffling. At least it promises an end. – D

10. Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

We were shocked to learn this was Paul Rudd’s film debut, and perhaps you will be, too. His weird performance as an adult version of Tommy Doyle from the first film is a highlight if only for the fact it is, indeed, very weird! This somehow manages to be a very scary sequel, even as it bites off more than it can chew, and it is the only film in the entire franchise that actually looks like October in the Midwest. But the most damning part of this movie is its treatment of Jamie Lloyd. – KKU

9. Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

This is among the worst paced films I’ve ever seen. It’s only 95 minutes, and it feels like hours. In her second outing as Jamie Lloyd—Michael’s niece—Danielle Harris gives a great child performance, but it’s not enough especially with the confused, very Friday the 13th sequel addition of her psychic connection to Michael. Despite the boredom, a sequence toward the end in a laundry chute and the franchise’s most committed portrayal of Loomis as the true villain provide the film its few redeeming qualities. – D

8. Halloween II (1981)

The first Halloween sequel picks up right where the original film left off as Rick Rosenthal does his best John Carpenter impression to capture the rest of Michael’s Big Night Out. It helps that he has an incredible score from Carpenter himself. Centered around a hospital, this is a decent slasher, even if it lacks the pace of its predecessor. Laurie as Michael’s brother is also introduced here which feels like an unnecessary attempt at a twist. – D

7. Halloween (2018)

I had the experience I find a lot of people had with the first film in David Gordon Green’s run: I liked it more the first time I saw it, and then the sequels were so bad it sullied the first! That’s not something that usually happens! But that’s how tedious the DGG run of Halloween films feel! I do enjoy the action-packed final act and some of what the film presents about three generations of women all reckoning with violence in different ways. But upon closer inspection, this iteration of Laurie Strode makes no sense, is inferior to the version of Laurie we get in Halloween H20, and isn’t saying anything compelling about trauma at all. – KKU

6. Halloween (2007)

During this project, I watched several horror reboots with zero substance or style, and at least Rob Zombie brings his own signature feel, look, and tone to his reboot, which spends a lot of time giving Michael more backstory before then delivering a final act that mimics a lot of the original film but ends up registering as different due to the context that precedes it. I like this take on a Michael origin story, which instead of being rooted in Celtic cult magic instead is rooted in systemic violence and incarceration. If you’re going to reboot a classic, give it some style and substance. Love it or hate it, you can’t really deny Zombie accomplishes that here. – KKU

5. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

The worst slasher sequels tend to forget that real characters equal real stakes. That’s not a problem here. Danielle Harris as Jamie Lloyd is a character we care about. There’s a great setup between her and her foster sister (and her foster sister’s shitty boyfriend) that keeps the usual Halloween night hijinks interesting. Unfortunately, the titular return of Michael Myers and Loomis’ crazed attempts to stop him are not as compelling. – D

4. Halloween II (2009)

The same Michael Myers you know, but now with Mommy Issues! I think Zombie has created one of the most complex versions of Laurie Strode as a character, and I like his sequel even more than his first film. Yes, his brief run is super cynical and brutal, but there are surprising layers beneath that, too. – KKU

3. Halloween H20: Twenty Years Later (1998)

Unabashedly taking its cues from Scream, this sequel has that perfect blend of teen drama and teen terror that makes for some of the best slashers. With a very 90s cast and perhaps Jamie Lee Curtis’ best performance in the franchise, it’s delightful and frightful. Laurie Strode as an alcoholic mom works way better here than 20 years later in Halloween (2018). – KKU

2. Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

Who needs Michael Myers when you’ve got an evil Celtic toy maker? The outlier of the Halloween franchise is also one of its best entries. It’s just a really fun horror movie based around Halloween with a sad divorced dad trying to prove himself, some gnarly kills, and magic masks that decompose your face into snakes and bugs. It also has a really catchy fake toy commercial theme that will hypnotize you even without the magic. Fun! – D

1. Halloween (1978)

The strengths of this film has less to do with Michael Myers himself and more to do with how likeable his victims are and real they feel. Laurie Strode is a fun final girl, because in a genre that tends to place women into strict boxes (good girl or bad girl), she isn’t so easily defined and exists more complexly. She’s a buttoned-up babysitter, but she also smokes pot! Her friends similarly both play into tropes and also upend them. This film’s impact on the genre is massive and deserved. It’s an endlessly rewatchable blueprint. – KKU