It all started with a tweet from Heather Hogan:
Oh that’s riiiight, I took an edible with my migraine meds last night and then got into a fight on Reddit about how Leah can’t be the best Stardew Valley spouse because she doesn’t like pizza.
— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) June 30, 2022
I’ve been playing Stardew Valley for years. At the beginning of the pandemic, it offered a much-needed means of escape; since then, I’ve played as gray-haired dyke farmers, as young, ambitious diamond manufacturers, and even once as a version of Spike from Buffy called Baby Spike (think Muppet Babies).
No matter how many times I play, two things have remained constant: My enormous crush on Robin the carpenter, who is not a dateable character, and the fact that once I am ready to date, it’s so hard to choose a spouse! Almost every dateable character is lovely, in their own way. Heather’s tweet brought up some criteria I’d never considered.
In light of that, please enjoy this 100% scientific and completely definitive guide to exactly which Stardew character you should marry! I’d like a plus-one, and my Home Depot and Pierre’s gift cards will be in the mail.
You should marry Haley!
There’s nothing like a high femme. Your jaw dropped when you met Haley, with her long, gently curling hair and her kind, confident smile. As you got to know her better, you learned how important her family is to her, and you got to see some of the really introspective nature photos she posts to her IG account. Congratulations! You two will spend a lifetime baking sweet, sweet treats for one another.
Comments
I got Emily. I’ve never played the game but she sounds great.
Got penny
But I don’t like women
Aaahh I’ve never played but I want to marry Mary Elliot for sure!
I got Leah which checks out. I give her a goat cheese every morning.
I’ve never played but might have to now because I got Leah who sounds like peak cottage/goblincore vibes and I am here for that.
I got Elliott. This test did me dirty. :(
I’ve never played, but I got Penny, who sounds lovely AND I was wicked psyched to choose April 25 as my answer to the perfect date question. I love these quizzes!
This is such a predictable quiz. Just pick the options that describe the bachelor or bachelorette you want.
But most couples who are too alike drive each other crazy.
I got Shane, who I’ve always immediately written off, but I guess I should get to know him better in my next play through!
I’m not sure I have been clear enough. Leah also hates: hashbrowns, pancakes, cookies, and BREAD.
Hahaha Leah! What did carbohydrates ever do to you???
The bread part is surprising considering how much she likes goat cheese. I guess she just popping a whole wheel and washing it down with mead?
She’s putting it on salads!
WHAT?!? D: That’s a terrible list!
Ughhhh I love all food so this is certainly a travesty.
We’re going to get caught up in how Leah won’t eat bread and just ignore the fact that ABIGAIL STRAIGHT UP EATS ROCKS?!
She eats rocks!!!
Lolol she does!!!
Ah, yes, the surprise that first time you give Abigail an amethyst only to look up the Mohs Hardness Scale and face greater surprise.
Elliot! My lady farmer married Leah, my fella farmer married Elliot. Love those artistic types!
On my first playthrough I too was very disappointed to realize Robin was not a romance option. :(
Ok. So I got Shane who i never married because I only married girls. But my girlfriend also got Shane( i think she married him once).
So I mean this says something about us.
Also neither of us drink😅
I’m always pleased to my basement goblin Sebastian so happy I got him. It’s meant to be I dont make the rules 🤷♂️
I’m playing for the first time and organically chose Leah which this quiz also just gave me. Feeling seen! My partner is romancing Emily so i’ll see if they have a match too
It gave me a male and I’m not into men. I wish there were a question that said “do you have a preference for men, women, or both or neither?” That would have been nice.
I have no clue how this game I’ve never played has a Shane, who shares a lot with my current partner, hah!
I got Seb, which is who I originally wanted to go for the first time I played, but damn it, if that himbo Alex didn’t win me over by clearing that low bar of just not being a dick in the early game like everyone ilelse in town.
Emily
No! I already ruled her out. She’s too much.
Yep she was too much for me too. Also please don’t try to draw me into fights with your sister Emily! I barely know you and that’s a really uncomfortable position to put me in!
Ewww no I got Elliot I wanted Haley! D=
Cracking up at the people getting Elliot and bummed about it because I ALSO got Elliot and was bummed about it 😂
I got Abigail, and she’s who I already married. I’ll stick with her.
All the answers are pretty obvious as to who they’re tied to. I got Elliot, but he’s a bit too intense for my tastes. I always go for Sebastian!
I got Penny. Whom is not Best Girl. That goes to Abigail, whom I’ve married in every single playthrough I’ve done. I even tried to pick options that’d get me Abigail. This test is bunk.
I’m also team Robin! I got Penny, which is cool, was thinking of romancing her next playthrough
I got Elliot lol which was inevitable because who doesn’t want A LIBRARY. But I actually just married Abigail in the game on Sunday. Just love a goth who likes to really chow down on some quartz.
Damn I’ve been divorced 10 times already that’s a lot of money
I was really hoping for a quartz option under the food question!
Leah in quiz, Leah in life. We live happily on our 74 animal farm with our son, Doorknob.
DOORKNOB 😂
I got Leah…p cool but….I’m not bi :(
Im starting to think I should stay single in the game because my heart used to be set on Alex….until I realized how sexist and horrible he is…truly a let down…I thought he was so cute too
Let’s be honest- Elliot would be pretty hot if he were exactly the same but an enby.
there’s nothing in the game that says elliot has to be cis 🤷
I can’t take this quiz because I immediately know which spouse each response will move me toward! I have married Maru, Leah, and now I am doing a run and am about to marry Penny.
My only issue with marriage in SV is once you get married, that’s … it. You can adopt a kid. But they don’t get new dialogue, they barely do anything (at least Maru and Leah kind of have hobbies, though) and there’s no real benefit to doing getting married.
CA put SO much complexity and detail into the gameplay and relationships, but I wish there were at least a few new dialogue boxes or something!
I think Leah is the best though in terms of personality. At least so far.
But I do wish I could steal Robin away from Demetrius, who is kind of a dick and a dork?
I will fly a flag for Robin in my heart, always and forever
There are mods for that (of course, there are mods for many things in SDV).
oh, wow, RACHEL, do tell
https://www.nexusmods.com/stardewvalley/mods/3239
100%. I also couldn’t tell Leah and Robin apart the first few days? They’re both beautiful redheaded woodworkers who live outside of town and spend time in the woods.
Shane’s my husband in game and while talking the quiz I intentionally avoid answers that might lead to him. I still got Shane. 😂
Penny… who I love, but no. Every single time I play I marry Haley. The very first time I saw her I said, “Wow… what a bitch. I’m going to marry her.” I don’t want to think to hard about what that says about me lol.
Hmmmm, kind of hoped for Leah (who I usually marry in SDV), but got Emily.
Am I the first who got Harvey? I will probably always marry a lady but I can dig his aesthetic.
I got Harvey too. I use Stardew Valley Expanded so i usualy marry Claire. I must agree with this statement though. I also feel as if Harvey is the hardest one for people to get.
-Cameron Locke-Sinclair
I feel like Harvey could be a lesbian. He really hits that nurturing butch vibe for me.
I married Harvey in one of my playthroughs as a guy. It was like pulling teeth to date him (his dialogue was still all about boring medical stuff, I almost bailed so many times) but he’s such a good husband; his only vice is buying too many plants for my house.
I got Abigail, she’s sounds like a wonderful person.
Never played (not a gamer) and I got Leah. I’d like to petition that she be made into a real person, please and thank you.
I got Penny! I’ve kept my distance to her in my playthroughs because the poor mother-daughter dynamics hit way too close to home for me. But she is a sweet character despite her mother scaring me away at first!
Looks like the quiz results only depend on the first question! Keep all your answers the same but change the first one. You’ll get a different character each time that aligns with that question. I’m sad now.
I got Sebastian so I guess I better go throw a potato at the mountain as hard as I can.
I love Maru and Abigail the most.
Biggest problem with this quiz is 90% if the answers were the “least shitty” options, rather than actual good answers.
That said, I got Sebastian. Which I mean… I guess makes sense, as people always say we are the same person. But I’m also a straight dude which is an important question xD
Also critical role is ass tier and I’m insulted that your quiz thinks I listen to it just because I play D&D.
Yayyyyyy I got Leah, my one and only! And it only took me 4 tries lol
It said Shane, but I’m married to Leah. I spoil her with salads, poppyseed muffins and goat cheese every day.
Crushing on Robin the most is so real. It’s her work ethic that really turns me on; she’s at your place until we’ll past midnight hammering away when you hire her while the rest of the villagers clock out the second they can. I got Elliot in the quiz but I can’t take him seriously in the game.
I got Leah but let’s be real. Every playthrough instead of marrying someone, I invite Krobus into my house to be my roommate. Krobus is the best.
Back when you could date everyone, I finished the romance storyline with everyone… but Haley. And she’s the one I got here. She’s way too high maintenance for me. Haha.
Just discovered this post via Top Posts of 2022! I got Leah – maybe I’ll try getting to know her on a second play-through. In my current game I’m married to Emily. She made me a cool outfit and we have a son named Salamander.