Queer Resolutions That Actually Don’t Suck

Ahhhhhh, New Year’s…..that magical, glitter-strewn time when everyone suddenly becomes obsessed with spreadsheets, kale smoothies, and Instagram life coaches who somehow wake up at 5 a.m., meditate, and hit the gym while taking care of all their emotional baggage before breakfast. Meanwhile, the rest of us are over here wondering how to survive family texts judging your life choices, your own existential crisis, and the constant pressure to “reinvent yourself” in a new year.

You don’t need to reinvent yourself. You just need to show up for yourself. Fully. Messily. Queerly. And maybe, just maybe, make some resolutions that don’t suck, can be maintained and achieved without adding additional stress, shame, and fears into your life.

New Year’s isn’t a reset button. It’s a reminder time moves forward, that we’re still here, and that we can choose to show up differently if we want to. We should acknowledge resilience, celebrate victories, and let go of what no longer serves us.

As the clock strikes midnight, don’t just cheer for a new calendar year. Cheer for yourself. Cheer for surviving and thriving, especially during a year where so many forces tried to make being queer a living hell. Cheer for dreaming and living. Cheer for existing fully and unapologetically in your queer, messy, radiant self.

1. Love Yourself, LOUDLY

This year, skip the extreme diet. Skip the extreme cardio challenge invented by an influencer. Skip the emotional labor that doesn’t serve you. Skip the things that feel like they’re taking rather than providing. Resolutions should be about abundance, not restriction. Even the resolutions that do require some sort of restriction (like limiting screen time) should be framed through a lens of abundance (ie “I’m limiting my screen time so I can be more present with friends and get better sleep”).

Lean into joy and find what works best for you and your body. Dance alone in your living room. Sing in the shower. Buy that outfit that makes you feel like a queer icon — but know that even without it, YOU STILL ARE. Eat fries at midnight without shame…the key is balance.

Self-love isn’t a checklist; it’s a full-blown pride parade in your spirit. It’s the act of telling yourself, every day: I am enough, I am worthy, and I am allowed to be happy. I personally love having sticky notes all around my home that feature not just affirmations but quotes that mean something to me and act as prompts for how I want to channel my energy. I take myself on a date weekly — something simple, like a movie, spa day, etc. Here at Autostraddle, we’ve long advocated for dating yourself. If you struggled with your dating life in 2025, give dating yourself a whirl in 2026.

2. Ditch the Toxic

People, apps, habits, thoughts — if they drain your energy, LET. THEM. GO. This includes that group chat where someone always complains about their ex or you catch yourself in the middle of gossiping and later feel bad about it. How about that dating app that makes you question why you exist? Maybe it’s time to take a break from it and see how that impacts your overall sense of self. Your time and energy are precious, so treat them as such.

Ditching toxic things doesn’t mean you’re mean, and it doesn’t mean you have to cancel everything. It means you’re prioritizing your sanity and your peace. It means your love — both for yourself and for others — isn’t conditional on your suffering or crossing your boundaries. And trust me: Your future self will thank you when you finally stop arguing with strangers in comment sections or checking your ex’s story at 2 a.m (both things I have been guilty of many times in my lifetime…so not judgment here but work on building healthy redirects for yourself to limit or stop these behaviors that are making you feel worse).

3. Build Your Chosen Family (and Invite Them Over!)

As queer folks, a chosen family is a lifeline, a safe haven you get to choose. Make the time to nurture those bonds, even when it can get hard because life happens. Call them. Text them. Invite them over for brunch or cocktails or just a Netflix marathon. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, especially in this economy. Everyone needs reminders from time to time that they are loved, cherished, and allowed to be their messy and beautiful self.

A strong chosen family also reminds you self-love isn’t selfish. Your chosen family has your back as you go through your process. The more you fill your own cup, the more you have to pour into others, and that’s something I am continually reminding myself and working on regularly. And isn’t that what makes a community so revolutionary? We can learn when to be self-reliant and when to ask others for help, and if that’s something you struggle with, make it a priority to figure out a balance in 2026. Challenge yourself to ask for help with just one thing in the first couple of months of the year and see how it goes.

4. Embrace the Mess

Life isn’t neat, no matter how people try to make it look like that on social media (or try to convince you to BUY something that’ll supposedly make your life seamless and perfectly organized). Healing isn’t linear, and everyone’s process is different and valid. Queerness isn’t tidy, and labels really only matter if you choose for them too. Growth is messy, beautiful, and often hilarious. This fake culture of it being neat and problem-free is just simply a delusion. It’s what people WANT you to see…usually so they can sell you something.

This year, give yourself permission to stumble. To fail spectacularly. To cry in the shower. To laugh so hard you snort while journaling. Every awkward, messy, glorious moment counts. Messy is kind of the point, and the more you get used to it, the more you learn, grow, and connect with others who truly see YOU and connect with YOU. Instead of buying a bunch of new stuff, use what you have or ask to borrow something from a friend.

A new year’s resolution I have failed to meet multiple times is staying consistent with working out. I used to feel so defeated in not meeting my body goals, especially as someone who has body dysmorphia and has dealt with eating disorders. What I’ve learned is I have to not only make the resolution, but to also adapt it, to give myself the grace to have missed days, to switch it up to meet where I’m currently at in order to get and maintain where I want to go.

Being human is inherently chaotic, and being queer adds another layer of beautifully unpredictable flair. So lean into it. Own it. Celebrate it. Make resolutions that can bend and grow with you.

5. Celebrate Everything

Celebrate your small wins, something I have gotten better with, but am still actively working on. Celebrate your late-night victories, because the timing doesn’t have to be perfect. Celebrate your ability to exist fully and unapologetically. Celebrate that you showed up when you didn’t want to because that is never easy. Celebrate that one email you sent, the one outfit you rocked, or the perfectly cooked macaroni.

Celebration is not just about milestones. It’s about everyday magic. Your joy is a rebellion in a world that constantly tells you to shrink, to hide, to perform, to be ashamed of things you’ve been through. Every little celebration is proof that you exist, you matter, and you’re thriving.

6. Practice Not Only Self-Love but Self-Compassion

Self-compassion isn’t just a cute buzzword; it’s an essential survival strategy. It means caring for yourself even when you mess up. It means forgiving yourself the way you would a friend and not being too hard on yourself because life as a queer person is hard enough. This is why community is so important. We have to have us.

Be kind to yourself and others, especially when mistakes happen. Celebrate the courage it takes to navigate your identity in a world that doesn’t always honor it. Let go of the perfectionist (and heteronormative) scripts society has written for you. Treat yourself as you would a beloved friend — or that cute crush you’ve been too nervous to text back. Yes, you can date yourself AND have a crush on yourself! Tenderness matters in a world that wants you to be tough.

Make 2026 the year you invest in yourself — not because anyone else tells you to, but because you’ve always deserved it. You don’t have to be overly formal about it if that’s not really your style. Just do some reflecting, some intention setting, however that may look for you. “Resolutions” is a word that can sound grand and absolute, but I find it’s the messy and more abstract resolutions that tend to last past January. You may not even know yet what you want the new year to bring, and that’s okay, too.

Cheers to another 365 days of unapologetic self-love, messy growth, and radical joy. May your New Year sparkle literally and figuratively, and may you always remember that you are enough — right now, exactly as you are.