NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Is Doing Threesome Math

Izel the Alpha and Puppy Chulo in Crash Pad Series episode 289. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

Akira Raine and Valentine

Akira Raine and Valentine in Crash Pad Series Episode 126

Looking for a kink- and sex-positive therapist? Here’s where to start — and why you shouldn’t just go with any therapist who markets themselves as sex positive:

“There are increasingly emergent ways to seek out kink-aware therapists who truly account for and affirm healthy, consensual involvement in kink. Once Layla’s therapist made it clear that they would shame her queerness and BDSM practices, she decided to look elsewhere for mental healthcare. ‘I found my current therapist on the National Coalition of Sexual Freedom’s kink-friendly professionals directory,’ she said, citing a resource that includes a listing of psychotherapists, medical, and legal professionals that are knowledgeable and sensitive to diverse sexualities. ‘[My current therapist] actually specializes in all kinds of kink/sexual identity/sexuality and relationships, as well as trauma. My experience with them has been mind-blowingly different, because I can actually tell them everything about how submitting to my dom is actually [part of] taking care of myself,’ she said.

‘[My therapist] is able to help me leverage my D/S to continue my healing, and it’s really amazing,’ Layla continued. ‘So much of my comfort is in not having to be responsible for teaching someone the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of BDSM because they already understand it.'”

Byron DuBois and Daizy Blaze

Byron DuBois and Daizy Blaze in Crash Pad Series episode 296

Love is medicine for fear.”

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Read this.

Here’s Estelle X on how to take great photos of yourself in lingerie, including set up, shooting, editing, and reducing the risk of sharing.

If you get a period, here’s how stress affects it.

Here’s what it’s like to run a sex shop in a pandemic.

Check out NSFW sex and fashion pandemic zine.

Everything I know about the Jada Pinkett-Smith and Will Smith situation I learned from this Bitch article, but at Elle, Theresa Okokon writes about being a unicorn involved with a married, cis-het, white couple, the power dynamics (not in a hot way) in that and more. And just in case, here’s how to peg and here’s whether it’s better to have a threesome with your partner and a friend or your partner and a stranger from the internet.

Cinnamon Maxxine and Golden Curlz

Cinnamon Maxxine and Golden Curlz in Crash Pad Series episode 206

If you’re “straight” right now but just here to, you know, see what’s up or maybe someone sent you this link because you may or may not have a crush on a girl and you don’t think it’s anything but you also want to know what to do with that if it’s something, maybe more than you’ve ever wanted anything in your life, but not even like that, you just like her okay??? then please enjoy this beginner’s guide to acting on queer feelings:

“‘Coming into your queer identity later in life is completely normal and common,’ said Rae McDaniel, a Chicago-based certified sex therapist who works with people who are feeling anxious about a transition they are experiencing in sex, gender, and/or relationships. ‘We grow up in a culture that doesn’t support exploring a queer identity in the same way it supports exploring a straight identity, [so] it’s hard to identify ‘clues’ that might point to attractions to anyone other than cisgender dudes. You know, that best friend that you cuddled with all through high school and got weird with when she got a boyfriend? Clues like that.'”

And for your reference, here’s what Autostraddle writers wish we’d known before having gay sex for the first time.

Carolyn Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Carolyn has written 1054 articles for us.

6 Comments

  1. tbh a bit surprised by that response about having a threesome w a friend. i’m not arguing that a threesome w a stranger wouldn’t be less complicated, but being almost completely opposed to threesomes w ur partner and a friend seems a bit extreme (or possibly viewing the question from a hetero viewpoint?). most of the queer ppl i know have had casual sex w a friend, and i’ve personally had multiple threesomes w a person i was dating (multiple different people!) and someone who was close friends with one or both of us and so have some other ppl i know and i’ve never heard of a horror story (beyond a threesome-turned-throuple-turned-different-couple-than-was-originally-dating, but that was after purposefully introducing romance). i’ve always had good experiences personally and would encourage others to invite their friends to have threesomes w them and their partners if that’s something all three of u seem into and ur relationship feels secure enough to handle it (which for ppl on the more poly side might be not that long into a relationship)!

    • Agreed, that response very much rubbed me the wrong way – it seems steeped in the kinds of attitudes that unicorn-hunter couples take (i.e. avoid all potential threats or causes of jealousy between the primary couple at all costs), and not reflective of the positive experiences that can come from healthy, open communication and clear boundaries among consenting friends.

      • I absolutely loved that article about running a sex shop- I’m slightly panicking about mass unemployment, especially given how much I want to leave my current job (I know, I’m so so lucky to have one, but it’s still not great feeling trapped), and she is SO inspiring. Bit of a hero.
        In fact- any chance of a big Autostraddle article interviewing awesome queer business people- bit of general recession-busting optimism and joy?

    • Agreed, it was surprising to read an argument that was so against it! But then I read her good advice about hiring a professional and that kind of put it in perspective for me– do I want to experience a threesome, or do I want to have sex with a particular person? In my case it’s the latter and that kind of complicates my current relationship since we’ve been monogamous so far.

      • For me, if the question asker had written, “my partner and I want to have a threesome with this specific friend” and not, “my girlfriend and I really want to have a threesome, but we can’t seem to agree on whether it’s better to do it with someone we know and trust versus a stranger we find on the internet,” I would not have loved (or linked to) the answer! But since the question asker was thinking specifically about finding someone to slot into an existing fantasy and not someone with subjecthood on their own, I liked the recommendation to be wary of involving a friend (though I would have given different reasons) and to consider a sex worker instead. It’s great to fuck friends if everyone involved wants to fuck, but no one should feel like they’re being used as a collection of body parts of skills to create an experience for someone else (unless it’s a negotiated exchange of money or desire, which isn’t actually “being used” at all).

    • Yeah, that kinda rubbed me up the wrong way as well.

      It felt very much like.. oh wait, is this that straight people thing where their exes actually disappear from their lives and aren’t in their circles forever? As opposed to just getting used to some of your friends and your partners’ friends being exes or old (or current..) crushes and learning how to navigate that as an ordinary thing.

      Of course, there’s nothing in the world wrong with having a threesome with a stranger, and hiring a sex worker is a great way to make that happen- especially if it’s a new thing for the couple, ’cause a pro is going to be, well, a pro who knows what they’re doing and how to negotiate things well!

      But like, having a casual threesome with a mutual friend can also be a lovely thing to do, and I don’t think needs to make it any more weird than any of the other complex ways in which we tend to be entangled with one another.

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