For Trish Jones, 17, the decision to confess her lifelong crush to her best friend, Elizabeth Mary Watson, also 17, was not an easy one.
“I asked every Autostraddle editor on formspring what I should do, but they never answered my question,” Trish tells Autostraddle. “I even asked the girls on the AfterEllen forums for advice but they just kept talking about their crush on Shay Mitchell. Anyhow I’m glad nobody gave me advice, because following my heart was the best choice I’ve ever made.”
Trish didn’t make a plan for confessing her love — “It just sort of like, happened.”
It happened last Friday night at the Westwood High Sadie Hawkins Dance, which Trish was attending without a date, mostly just to be there for Elizabeth in case anything happened. Besides, “the whole Sadie Hawkins thing is like kinda misogynist or whatever,” Trish says.
While lurking behind the fake palm trees, Trish was able to see Elizabeth dancing with a popular and good-looking senior male who Trish describes as “a total douchebag.” That’s when Trish decided it was time to pull her friend away from this predator and introduce her to the pleasures of Sapphistry.
“To be honest I was like half in the bag,” Trish told us. “So that helped give me courage, you know? But Elizabeth never drinks at high school dances. She’s very responsible and beautiful, and her hair always smells like oranges.”
Trish had told Elizabeth she “might be bisexual” in 8th grade, and Elizabeth was “pretty cool with it” and also definitely watches Pretty Little Liars, so. Now it was time for Trish to explain to Elizabeth that she’d been obsessed with her since grade school and that she could treat her better than any of those douchey guys she’s always hanging out with. Trish shared her Elizabeth Text Message archive with Elizabeth to point out the lesbian subtext Elizabeth perhaps was unaware of at the time and reminded Elizabeth that she’d described Shane as “kinda hot” when Trish made her watch The L Word that one time when she slept over, and also that she’d once mentioned feeling attracted to Angelina Jolie.
“I told her — ‘I’m in love with you and want to be with you.’ And she was like, I love you too.”
“I’d never really thought about girls in a sexual way before,” said Elizabeth. “And I really do enjoy dating men. But Trish made so many good points! Like, I’d never heard of ‘sexual fluidity’ but it sounds right, right? I have always really liked Angelina Jolie and I LOVE Autostraddle.”
Was Trish surprised that her friend reciprocated the love and denounced her heterosexuality? “Not really,” Trish said. “I had initially planned to write her a song and bring her flowers to accompany the presentation if that was necessary, but the heart wants what the heart wants, you know?”
“I’d always wondered why Trish never had a boyfriend or a girlfriend,” Elizabeth confirms. “Now I realize that she was giving all of her romantic energy to ME, I was just too heterosexual to notice!”
So far, so good, says Trish — Elizabeth promptly broke up with her boyfriend and spent the rest of the dance in Trish’s arms. “I didn’t even care when they played Katy Perry,” Trish says. “I was just too happy!”
What’s in store for these lucky ladies? Elizabeth confirms: “We’ll probably be together forever.”
so this is like, a parody, of a parody, of a caricature of lesbian culture, right?
o, i see what you did there
I hear Trish and Elizabeth will be on Oprah. Oprah already bought Trish a rainbow. The next time you see a rainbow, it might be Trish’s. If you follow the rainbow to it its source and you see it erupting from a girl’s mouth, you just found Trish.
This might just be the best thing I have ever read, and I found my uncles copy of ‘The Joy of Sex’ when I was 12.
Bahahaha. Who are you and why aren’t we friends irl?
Probs cuz I’m too busy chasing straight girls. The day before I read this article I had solemnly sworn on giwtah’s uncle’s copy of ‘The Joy of Sex’ to never fall for a straight friend again. Then Trish and Elizabeth happened and they changed my life. I have hope again. Subtext is real again.
brb my best friend just texted me.
“the straight girl you’re in love with loves you back! LOL JK APRIL FOOLS”
hahah so cruel, so funny.
… this is a joke, right? definitely too good to be true.
IKR!!! It’s like, WTF! If this happened people would actually confess straight people
HAHAHAHAHAHA IS THIS THE BEST APRIL FOOL’S DAY POST OR IS THIS ACTUALLY HOW SOMEONE FEELS ABOUT ANGELINA JOLIE
i love angelina jolie, disclaimer
oh autostraddle, you so silly.<3
Bahaha aww. I confessed my long-standing crush to my bestie some years ago & she said it was the sweetest thing anyone’s ever told her! Many years later she still entertains my inappropriate jokes, hehe.
OMG thanks for the laugh
I needed a good laugh today, in this rainy day of putting up with a straight friend myself
best April’s fool so fare
hahaha i made it about half way through and was like….waittt a minute xD
I read the headline and thought this was like, Part 2 of the Dear Abby thing from earlier this week. I was kind of suspicious and then “too heterosexual to notice” was too hilarious to not realize.
Well played, AS, well played! :P
RIESE!!! This is like the Onion for lesbians!!! Who are the girls in the picture, who yes, look exactly how I imagine Formspring question-posers to be???
Sources reported that unicorns will be at their wedding next week.
I can get them a Uhaul if they need one.
well played Riese, I am a hopeless romantic at heart and a total sucker for this kind of stuff….but even I was getting suspicious with some of those cliches.
Totally cracked me up……you guys are the best!!
This is especially cruel as I have no doubt that my straight-girl crush will never feel the same way about me. Even though she hates the guys she dates and likes hanging with Autostraddlers. Even though I’m making her a vegan dinner tonight (I’m not vegan). Even though I’m awesome and she is awesome, and we always have a great time together.
“I even asked the girls on the AfterEllen forums for advice but they just kept talking about their crush on Shay Mitchell.” fucking win.
way funnier than gmail motion and youtube 1911; on par with the huffpost’s pay wall for NYTimes employees; mildly depressing for all the baby dykes out there who are mooning over their straight best friends but absolutely hilarious to me.
Wait a minute….
dammit. i was almost done reading this article before remembering it’s april fool’s day…
i just kept staring at the picture…them bitches be twins.
“I didn’t even care when they played Katy Perry,” Trish says. “I was just too happy!”
win. this is so much better than convincing kids to put out of order signs on the faculty bathrooms.
I didn’t realize this was fake until I got to the comments. Ugh x_x I was like “really? could this really be true? omgwhat?”
Thanks, Riese, for giving me two minutes of false hope and then letting it be crushed.
It’s not really your fault. I am as gullible as four-year-old.
I totally fell for it too… -_-
fell for it too. But I just woke up… :)
i’m gonna admit, I believed it. Just thought it was corny as hell. I’m in the middle of a straight girl love dramatic entanglement though, so my hopes are only up. Btw, she kinda likes me back (but loves her boyfriend)..yeah..she gets to order two kinds of cake and eats them both.
Funny thing is, the straight girl that I have been in love with for two years, and have confessed my love on many occasions just to be rejected, just wrote me a two page letter about how she was in love with me and just wanted to be with me.
I proceeded to tell her I was sorry but I couldn’t be in a relationship with her. I had waited two years for her and now that she finally has enough courage, I’ve moved on. I told her I would help her through the coming out process and be there when she needed me.
I wish life could have been this easy two years ago. I was totally fooled by it though.
I re-read this morning to savor every line again (Riese – this is a real gem!) and there is one line that tickles me to know end:
“…her hair always smells like oranges.”
can’t explain it…but just love that line….
I agree with one of the previous comments, this is very onion-esque – you could have a future as a writer for the Onion…. :)
I admitted to one of my best friends I had a crush on her. Then we flirted way too much, for the longest time. After about a year she asked me if I still felt the same way, then her boyfriend, who was in the middle of the ocean with the military tried to convince me to try to seduce her while he was gone. I just laughed at him and told him it would never happen.
Not long after, she told me she was interested in me and really wanted me to “make a move” because she was too scared.
Finally I did, and not long after, she asked me on a date.
We actually dated for a few months, and now that things are over and her boyfriend is back, we’re still great friends.
True story. Sometimes these things do kind of work out.
I read the whole thing over and went ‘wtf?!’ Then I clicked that it was April 1st, re-read the whole thing over and pissed myself laughing.
So Angelina is STILL the herald of bicuriosity after all these years? Impressive.
So..THIS WAS A GOOD ONE
I totally fell for it and didnt realize until i got to the comments…but keep scrolling up & re-reading. *sigh, it was just too good to be true.
Sooooo…..I totally thought this was real, and really sweet. When I read the lead I thought, this is a dream come true for some people. However, I did think “Elizabeth” was reaching when she said they’d be together forever. I actually didn’t realize this was an April fools joke until I got down to the third comment. In my defense, I didn’t read this on April 1st and I’m heterosexual.
I hope team Autostraddle googled helvetica on April 1. It made me think of last year’s AS joke.
i just got april fooled two days later…dammit.
I got April foolsed in augest, 2012 -___-
Soo. My girlfriend has been begging me to read this all day and finally sent it to me via facebook. She kept saying how “hilarious”it was and blah blah blah. So i started to pretend to read it (because honestly i was not interested at all) but then i actually read the whole thing and laughed a little about the “cute” things that were said. When I was done I asked my wifey “what was so hilarious about this?” and she said “hunnie, it is an april fools joke.” and me being the idiot that i am didnt quite understand. I asked her “why it was a joke” and she said “babe no lesbian ever gets the straight girl, it just dosnet happen.” i laughed and looked at her and said “but you have me, and this story is us 100 percent.” so yeah. it happens. My little lesbian puss frothed with joy the first time i saw her in high school, but yet i fooled everyone that i was a straight girl dating all these boy. but in the long run my high school lesbian lover found her way back to me and turned me for good. and i love her. =D so now she is yelling at me for leaving the longest comment ever and for “leaving my website” because she dosent want me to have stalkers. whatevs. ill never leave her. mkay. done.
At first I thought this was a really cute story and I was like “awww”
but then I saw the comments :/
way to give me false hope
Well played haha
Same here :/
I knew it was a joke the second I read the headline, but I totally got my straight best friend to fall in love with me back. We’re dating (secretly to avoid lynching by family members, this is high school, after all) and it’s great and we’re getting married like next week.
I wish this would happen to me! like freaking seriously, I’ve confessed and she was like “What?” with this confused as fuck face
Is this an April fools joke or is this for real?
I DIDN’T REALIZE IT TILL LATER.I HAD ONE HELL OF A CRUSH IN MY BEST FRIEND ANNETTE DENAE CARLSON.I HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF THE TWO OF US IN A PASSIONATE LESBIAN LOVE AFFAIR LATELY.I THINK THE DREAM WAS TELLING ME THAT I FELT SOMETHING HORNEY AS HELL FOR HER.SHE MOVED TO STONEHAM,MAS A COUPLE MONTHS AGO BUT I STILL HAVE DREAMS OF WANTING HER AS A LESBIAN LOVER.I WOULD TRY TO TELL HER ABOUT IT BUT I DONT KNOW HER REACTION TO IT AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO BEGIN TO TELL HER THAT SHE’S A BABE AND I GOT THE HOTS FOR HER !! “HELP” !!!!!
I know is really hard to stay alone without your lover been around you, I was in the same situation for 6 months till I find a solution, we both fall in love with each other and we got married but after 1 year of our marriage everything was changing after he got a new job in a new city, we where still talking on phone when he move to where he now working after spending just 2 months there, everything changed he stop calling me and any time i call him a lady will pick his call i was wondering what is happening till he called me that he was getting a divorce i was surprise to hear that from him i thought it was a joke till it happened then I realize I can’t stay without him so i began to look for a solution then i came across Dr. EKPEN of EKPEN TEMPLE on the internet who helped me to bring my lover back. i will drop his email address in case you are passing through the same situation so you can contact him on (((((Ekpentemple at gmail.com))))))