Alice arrives at Tom’s little hotel room to find him squirreling away all the free shampoos and soaps to add to his collection of free mini toiletries he keeps in a basket under the sink in my imagination.

Tom with a bundle of items he is stealing from the hotel
#minibrands #asmr #minibrandsseries #unboxing #iloveminis

Alice tells Tom that she likes him a lot. Tom says he’s too tired and old to play games, which is weird because I definitely pegged him for a Banangrams fan. Alice says she is very sorry! Tom says it made him feel hurt and now he wants to eat an entire pizza. Alice would like to eat half of the pizza!

Alice: You’re a really scary room for me but I wanna see what’s inside.
Tom: That’s a quote from your book.
Alice: It is.
Tom: I think I wrote that.
Alice: You did.

There is no better way into a writer’s heart than quoting them directly! Once upon a time in 2008, back when I was recapping the original series, I was hooking up with a girl who paused mid-makeout to declare “Lesbian Sexy Moment #1” in an announcer voice and I thought, WOW I have really made it.

NOW KISS!!!!!!!

Alice and Tom kissing
Good job!!

Back at FiSoMi’s, Micah is having a real double-header of an evening. Indeed it was the very thought of Maribel that inspired him to cease his mouth-to-mouth activities with his co-worker, and now Maribel has arrived to receive the full volume of his love. Also she immediately notes that the apartment smells terrible.

Maribel arriving at Micah's door
Y’all are really going all out for the Christmas Light Fight this year huh?

Micah leads her into the home to make a totally time-appropriate and not at all premature declaration of LOVE. This exchange felt so wildly out of the deepest blue that I had assumed it was a quote from aforementioned film “Love and Basketball.” Unfortunately it turns out that this was simply a quote from The L Word Generaiton Q Episode 208, “Launch Party.”

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Micah: I love you, and I think you love me too.
Maribel: Would you bet on it?
Micah: I would bet my whole heart?

Anyhow I forgive them because they start to kiss yay!!! And now I think they will be together for real!!! Everybody should just kiss on this show and stop talking.

Micah and Maribel kissing
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

Four hours from Los Angeles, in sinful Las Vegas Nevada, Tess is checking in with her sponsor while basking in the glow of a giant picture of Las Vegas plastered to the window of this set!

Tess sitting on her bed in the Vegas hotel room
I know it’s confusing but there are actually FIVE Cirque De Soliel shows in Vegas so you’re gonna have to get more specific about which of the five shows deserve my $46 in Ticketmaster fees this weekend

But then! She’s roused by a rat-a-tat at the door. It’s Shane, radiating “I got dressed up for an event and then went straight to the Southwest terminal and then took an $80 Uber to this hotel” energy.

Shane at Tess's door
I just spent 20 minutes trapped in an elevator with a bachelorette party and that is the longest period of time I have spent with heterosexuals in a minute and sorry can I just lie down

“I’d like to be here with you,” Shane says in a fluster. “I just would like to be your partner, and that scares me to say, I know that that sounds kinda—” HAVE SEX OK GOOD NEWS THEY’RE HAVING SEX TO INSPIRATIONAL SEX MUSIC

Shane and Tess fucking collage

Lesbian Sexy Moment #13: Buy the Ticket, Take The Ride

The Pick Up: “It scares me to say it I know that it’s sort of —”

Hot or Not? Okay first we need to discuss this song??? As soon as Shane and Tess lock lips, it begins:

If you’re ready, go and get it
Find the light that we live in the first place
Don’t back out we’re so close to it now
We go up a little higher! Up a little higher!

Situations for which this song would be appropriate:

  1. A nervous contestant on “The Amazing Race” overcoming their fear of heights by riding a zip-line straight through an endangered rainforest
  2. A sad person conquering their depression by climbing a steep mountain
  3. An inspirational commercial for car insurance or computer chips that inexplicably takes place in a hot air balloon
  4. A drone zooming across a vast landscape of wildlife and waterfalls
  5. The final scene in a children’s movie where a ragtag band of goofy kids win the championship soccer game and pour Gatorade over each other’s heads

Situation in which this song is being played:

Tess and Shane kissing, removing clothes, Shane shoving Tess onto the bed in a signature Shane White Tank Top, the wrist of slight bracelets visible as she claws off the underwear, fucking Tess from behind, slowing down and speeding up and the tank top is off! Tess on her back (If you’re ready go and get it), the lighting is all over the map like the strip itself (don’t back out you’re so close to it now!), Tess moaning tangled up in warm blue light and white sheets (WE GO UP A LITTLE HIGHER UP A LITTLE HIGHER!!!)

Fortunately, no House Band music can temper the objective hotness of this scene.


Finley arrives home with a decidedly wasted gait and Sophie slips out of bed as Finley slips in — she doesn’t wanna talk to Finley when she’s drunk, which is likely shocking information for Finley, who thus far has spent at least 50% of their friendship and relationship openly drunk while Sophie was also drunk!

Finley drunk in bed
I need a calzone
Sophie arguing with Finley
I will make you a Calzone but if I get down there and the red pepper is missing again I am cracking skulls

“I get it, I’m a piece of shit,” Finley drowns but Sophie says she isn’t gonna let her do that, is not gonna let Finley put that on her. She says that she feels like she spent all day baby-sitting Finley — which makes minimal sense, and not just because that means if we’re still on Jail Pick-Up day then yesterday was M.S. Benefit day which means Pippa’s art was already being installed at the CAC the day after Bette told Pippa she’d landed the CAC show  — but because was she? Where? How? I witnessed no such babysitting taking place. And would the Sophie we all know, who is patient and caring and empathetic, address Finley’s addiction like this?

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Finley doesn’t put up an offense or a defense to any of this, instead she just walks off the field with her head down, ashamed: “Really? That’s what it feels like? Fuck, that’s so fucking embarrassing.”

Sophie sighs and looks at the floor. “It’s much worse than that, okay? It’s scary. You scare me.” Finley doesn’t see how she could scare Sophie because she loves Sophie (but that’s the scary part Finley!). Sophie won’t let her get close. “You’re not you!” Sophie says, eventually adding, “it’s like your light goes out and nobody’s home and it’s the scariest thing.”

It’s a great line and I tear up just thinking about it — a line that would be even greater if it took place during a great scene, a scene where the actual established history of these two humans was brought to bear upon its actuality. Because Sophie specifically has treated Finley as a Fun Drunk, not a Scary Drunk, until literally… today!!

Sophie says she’ll sleep on the couch but Finley has a better idea: getting her clothes and shoes back on and then venturing back out into the cold, wet Los Angeles night, with absolutely no place to go!!! And Sophie just… lets her go?! What!?!? Is she not like… worried…

Finley walking outside in the dark
I bet PIZZA HUT will make ME a simple CALZONE

In another room in another house, Bette and Pippa are looking casually hot in what I can only assume is a post-coital glow.

Bette and Pippa waking up together
I was gonna take the 101 to the 405 back to Topanga but now I’m thinking it might make more sense to just do the 10 to the 1

Bette strokes her back. Pippa asks, “Have you considered its possible to burn shit down and still leave something standing?” They pull apart, look into each other’s eyes: “Wanna do it together?” Bette asks. Pippa smiles.


We then fade gently into the good night to arise the next morning in steamy Las Vegas, Nevada, where Shane and Tess are waking up in bed together, full of joy, affection and residual thirst.

Shane and Tess waking up in bed together
I love you can you give me a ride back to LA

Tess likes waking up with Shane. They mumble about work and telling HR except lol Shane is HR. Time for round two!


Back in somber LA, Sophie wakes up after having somehow slept through this entire night rather than lying awake in a hot, anxious, overwhelming panic, and seems surprised that Finley, who said she was going to leave, has indeed left, and is not answering her phone.

Sophie sitting on her bed with her phone
Your calzone is ready

So, um, the end?


L Word Generation Q Episode 208 Recap Round-Up:
Sexy Moments: 2 this episode, 11 total
Squabbles: 5 this episode, 32 total
Quote of the Week: “FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK” – Bette