Back at The Rabbi Dinner, this HILARIOUS thing is happening wherein the Rabbi wants Liam to know he’s totally cool about Liam dating Shane, but since no proper nouns are uttered, Liam and Rachel both think the Rabbi is cool about Liam and Rachel dating and don’t realize that he thinks Liam and Shane are gay for each other.
This’ll be a neat little misunderstanding they can spend the next 11 minutes sorting out for no real reason besides that the writers of this show obviously find situations like this to be very entertaining.
Swing Kids: Lauren’s dancing with Daddy and Farrah’s eagerly/nervously awaiting the arrival of her date. Probably Farrah should just date my Mom except she can’t because she’s not Jewish, so.
Also, Diane wants to have some special time with Karma!
Firstly, she wants Karma to know that she LOVES how evolved Karma is, and speaking of being evolved, she’s totally okay with Amy being a part of their special time because if anybody understands three-way dynamics, it’s Diane!
Diane: “Some things you should know about me: I’m a Pisces, obviously…”
I love Diane.
Rabbi Dinner: Liam thinks Rachel is levitating when she does the blessing over the bread, ’cause she’s the Rabbi’s daughter. This is exactly what she feared: that he’d begin seeing her differently when she found out he was the Rabbi’s daughter and not want to bang-bang-bang anymore. HOW WILL ANY OF US GO ON?
Also Shane’s bragging to Rachel’s sister about his cool new band ’cause he’s convinced it’d be a hit on the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit. He brags that he’s so cutting edge that he was the first person to come out in elementary school. Second grade! You know what I was doing in second grade? Writing a series of illustrated children books about creatures called “Simpletons” who looked like plates with arms. Anyhow, Rachel’s sister is the actual best.
Rachel’s Sister: You’re gay? Big whoop. Does it look like I need a makeover? My BFF Sammy came out as pansexual AND genderqueer in second grade.
I love this girl, she should be best friends with Lauren.
Swing Kids: Lauren won’t let another lady cut in on her Daddy-Daughter Dance Time, and Molly and Dad are SO happy that Karma is hitting it off with Diane because tonight — !!! — they’re gonna ask Diane to be their girlfriend!!!!
Before this tremendous conversation can continue, The Aschrofts are summoned to the dance floor by Pisces Diane. She does that rodeo dance move where you pretend to lasso somebody and pull them onto the floor, which oh my gosh means Karma’s parents have to sort of waddle out there like they’re trying to avoid stepping in a series of puddles and it’s SO adorable and SO embarrassing.
Karma, appalled by this display, announces that they must do all they can to force this thruple to break up. But they’re so happy!
Back at Rabbi Dinner, Rachel’s upset that Liam is having second thoughts about defiling the Rabbi’s daughter. But the Rabbi says it’s okay, Jews aren’t uptight about sex! We don’t even believe in hell! He totally approves of Liam’s situation! So Liam and Rachel take this to mean that it’s totally okay for them to bang bang bang.
Meanwhile in IAlmostCaresville, Shane’s having a crisis as Rachel’s sister typity-types away on her cell-phone and he realizes nobody cares about white cis gay men anymore.
Shane: You’re right. I’m not special. I used to be! But now it’s intersex people, trans folks, pansexual genderqueers! Who am I?
Rachel’s sister: You’re nobody. So now that we’re agreed, I can represent you. I saw you play at the Brew and Jew. You’re decent. But once you play at my Bat Mitzvah, all of my friends will demand you too. Of course I’ll be taking a 40% cut, have setlist approval, and let’s be real, I WILL take that makeover.
LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT.
SwingFest Not That Kind Of Swingfest: Lauren’s exhausted from dancing with her Dad all night so that he’ll be looking real cool when Farrah swings in AND won’t be dancing with this 19-year-old extra who’s got her eye on him.
Although Amy promised Lauren that they’d be full Parent Trap tonight, she’s been sucked into the Karma Trap instead. It’s like a Venus Fly Trap, except instead of a plant eating a bug, it’s Karma trying to find a way to make her parents unhappy by rooting through Diane’s car for evidence that she is secretly a terrible person. Maybe she’s not even a Pisces. Then, Amy’s hand gets caught on the stick shift and they end up hurling backwards into the back of the van in a situation that would be perfect for sexual tension. Amy tells Karma to just tell her parents how she really feels, which, apparently, is: I feel weird about Diane and therefore you should break up with her. On the one hand, this is ridiculously selfish, but on the other hand, Karma’s a teenager, and teenagers tend to have strong feelings about who their parents date.
Meanwhile, Lauren’s gotta set up this Parent Trap all by her damn self, apparently. She locates a downtrodden Farrah sitting outside lamenting the fact that The Most Interesting Man In the World never showed up, and maybe she never should’ve left Lauren’s father after all! This is perfect news, so Lauren rushes Farrah back into the building only to discover….
Amy shows up just in time to be way too late.
Shabbat With Rabbi Cool Dad: Liam and Rachel are hooking up while downstairs, the Rabbi is being quickly convinced to hire Shane’s hot new band for his special daughter’s Big Bat Mitzvah. I mean, after all, Shane is his favorite Bar Mitzvah student’s boyfriend!
Shane: What? Liam!!? We’re not boyfriends, Liam’s as hetero as they come!
Cut to the upstairs lounge, where The Rabbi, Shane and the Sister barge in on what they thought was a condoned sexual experience.
The Rabbi tells Liam he needs to join a new temple.
Well, the dancing part of the evening is over and here we are at the Ashcrofts, where Karma’s gonna tell her parents the truth about how she feels about Diane, and she does. They thank her for her honesty and she’s like “oh good, so you’ll stop seeing her?” and I mean, OF COURSE NOT, IT’S DIANE! BUT they will hold back on asking her to move in and they’ll only have sleepovers at her place. This sounds like a pretty sweet deal ’cause “sleepovers” mean Karma could have the whole place to herself and potentially host a party for all the lesbian and bisexual women in Austin to come over and kiss Amy on the mouth, but Karma’s not into it. Because she is bananas.
Back at Amy’s Sad Shack, Lauren is officially Over It. She got ditched for Karma and their Parent Trap plan failed as spectacularly as Lindsay Lohan’s career several years following The Parent Trap. Lauren won’t admit that she feels personally rejected, of course — that Amy means something to her, and that she wants to mean something to Amy in return — but still, Amy wants to make it clear that she’s always ditching things for Karma b/c Karma’s her best friend and that’s what best friends do. Meanwhile, Lauren is her sister, which is also meaningful, but in a different way! Lauren doesn’t wanna hear it, though: they’re not sisters anymore, anyhow, are they? Now that their parents aren’t together?
One last thing, though? Lauren’s sick of this shit, in general. She’s moving out.