BREAKING: Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson Are Definitely Dating, Kisses! -A

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feature image via instagram

Model/actress/author Cara Delevingne continues making major strides towards overtaking Papi and Shane as The Chart’s most active and notorious hub. The Daily Mail, a bastion of journalistic integrity, made a bold move this morning when they declared that Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson “confirmed” their romance by “passionately kissing” in London’s Heathrow Airport.

“The pair first set tongues wagging in April,” reported The Daily Mail, “When they stepped out hand-in-hand during what looked like a double date in NYC.” Honestly, “tongues wagging” is a default facial mode for lesbians, but it’s true that we’ve had a little something extra to talk about for several months now. I MEAN:

https://twitter.com/harleivy/status/997623948593557504

“Cara is so entertaining in relationships,” said noted Vapid Fluff Editor Stef Schwartz, who unfortunately was unavailable to report directly on this event today due to a prior engagement at her soon-to-be-vacated childhood home in New Jersey. “Like, wasted with Michelle Rodriguez, being really pretty with Annie Clark, makin out w Paris Jackson while Macaulay Culkin watches.”

“People have been speculating for MONTHS,” added body language expert Stef Schwartz. “So I am pleased to have some confirmation. I hope Macaulay Culkin was around to bemusedly witness this blessed event.”

Actress and Sweet Tarts Gummies fan Ashley Benson has been notoriously homoerotic for the entirety of her career, including a multi-year bout of sexual tension with her Pretty Little Liars co-star Shay Mitchell, who is not necessarily heterosexual. Ashley’s Pretty Little Liars character, Hannah, was involved in an extensive romance with male lesbian heartthrob Caleb. She wished us all a Happy Pride in June. “She’s been vibing gay forever,” said noted Pretty Little Liars expert Heather Hogan.

Speaking of Caleb, Ashley was wearing a “C” necklace, which one can only logically determine stands for “Cara.” After so many months of canoodling and supporting each other, it is our supreme honor and privilege to celebrate not only this relationship, but the fact that Ashley Benson likes girls, which is solid evidence for our ongoing hypothesis, “everyone is gay.”

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Riese

Marie Lyn Bernard, aka Riese, is an award-winning writer, blogger, journalist, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in the midwest, lost her mind in New York City and is currently making it work in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better, The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image and The Hazards of Being Female," "Dirty Girls," and "The Best American Erotica of 2007," magazines including Nylon, Marie Claire, GO, Curve, Interlude, and CollegeBound, and all over the web including nerve.com, Jezebel, Queerty, Emily Books and OurChart (RIP). She was the recapper for The L Word Online and host of Showtime’s Lezberado and her personal blog has earned many dubious honors including Best Personal Blog 2008. Riese has spoken about blogging, community-building, feminism, cyberculture and sexuality at places like BlogHer, Yale, New York University, The University of Chicago and The Museum of Sex. A graduate of the University of Michigan, Interlochen Arts Academy and The Olive Garden's week-long training intensive; she enjoys eating foods, having big ideas, reading books & talking to her stuffed dog, Tinkerbell. Also, she's Jewish. Follow her smokin’ hot adventures on twitter. Contact: riese[at]autostraddle.com

Riese has written 2896 articles for us.

52 Comments

  22. Seems i’m the only one not taking this seriously. Doesn’t Ashley Benson have a boyfriend? I mean if you check her Instagram account, they are still dating. So i don’t know what to make with this news. But yaaay! Still love two women kissing. Lol

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