Vapid Fluff

BREAKING: Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson Are Definitely Dating, Kisses! -A

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Model/actress/author Cara Delevingne continues making major strides towards overtaking Papi and Shane as The Chart’s most active and notorious hub. The Daily Mail, a bastion of journalistic integrity, made a bold move this morning when they declared that Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson “confirmed” their romance by “passionately kissing” in London’s Heathrow Airport.

“The pair first set tongues wagging in April,” reported The Daily Mail, “When they stepped out hand-in-hand during what looked like a double date in NYC.” Honestly, “tongues wagging” is a default facial mode for lesbians, but it’s true that we’ve had a little something extra to talk about for several months now. I MEAN:

https://twitter.com/harleivy/status/997623948593557504

“Cara is so entertaining in relationships,” said noted Vapid Fluff Editor Stef Schwartz, who unfortunately was unavailable to report directly on this event today due to a prior engagement at her soon-to-be-vacated childhood home in New Jersey. “Like, wasted with Michelle Rodriguez, being really pretty with Annie Clark, makin out w Paris Jackson while Macaulay Culkin watches.”

“People have been speculating for MONTHS,” added body language expert Stef Schwartz. “So I am pleased to have some confirmation. I hope Macaulay Culkin was around to bemusedly witness this blessed event.”

Actress and Sweet Tarts Gummies fan Ashley Benson has been notoriously homoerotic for the entirety of her career, including a multi-year bout of sexual tension with her Pretty Little Liars co-star Shay Mitchell, who is not necessarily heterosexual. Ashley’s Pretty Little Liars character, Hannah, was involved in an extensive romance with male lesbian heartthrob Caleb. She wished us all a Happy Pride in June. “She’s been vibing gay forever,” said noted Pretty Little Liars expert Heather Hogan.

Speaking of Caleb, Ashley was wearing a “C” necklace, which one can only logically determine stands for “Cara.” After so many months of canoodling and supporting each other, it is our supreme honor and privilege to celebrate not only this relationship, but the fact that Ashley Benson likes girls, which is solid evidence for our ongoing hypothesis, “everyone is gay.”

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Riese is the 39-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2859 articles for us.

52 Comments

  22. Seems i’m the only one not taking this seriously. Doesn’t Ashley Benson have a boyfriend? I mean if you check her Instagram account, they are still dating. So i don’t know what to make with this news. But yaaay! Still love two women kissing. Lol

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