Biebs Could’ve Turned Off Comments: Another Round of Internet Haikus

remember this, friends
know that if you feel alone
we’re all big data

the algorithm
that tracks depression online
has to be busy

i’d like the effort
we give baby announcements
shifted to divorce

…and violets are blue
i want to get in on this
rhymed meme format too

a sobering thought
is where you’d be if the net
never existed

please respect my time
don’t respond with thoughtful words
when a gif will do

debra messing, girl
the #ad in front of your tweets
you were grace adler

the best vids online
are of tiny dogs blinking
while they’re getting groomed

is this still a thing
where people pile up their phones
while they’re out to eat

someone pointed out
biebs could’ve turned off comments
and it’s like, omg lol

although, who hasn’t
done a big digital cleanse
because of an ex

what is more damning
telling someone your password
or refusing to

i like the content
where a news story is like:
Penguin Wears Backpack

has anyone here
had a meme made about them
and can you post it

the most unsavory net slang

important message
don’t call me via facebook
and call me your friend

shout out to al gore
now i know who to avoid
in every city

wise proverb once said
beware the engagement with
manual RTs

comforting to see
your teacher of basic math
can’t act right online

hey denny’s diner
are yall okay over there?
tweets seem a lil’ nuts

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Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.


  1. I kept trying to click on this link and Chrome kept opening it in an Incognito Window and I was like, “Finally, some NSFW haikus!” But then it turned out my cat was messing around with my external mouse on my desk.

    This is your best batch yet, I think!

  2. a sobering thought
    is where you’d be if the net
    never existed

    TOO REAL my life would be completely different

  3. If the net didn’t exist I wouldn’t have met my Wife of 6 years and we wouldn’t have our two beautiful identical twin girls that have just turned 6 months old.

    I’m so glad I had the net.

  4. I had the gif of that penguin wears backpack, goes shopping for fish video as my default Firefox homepage for like a half a year

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