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A+ Roundtable: What We Love and Hate About Where We Live

the team

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Dec 19, 2022

COMMENT

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You can’t choose where you spawn on this planet, and you can’t always necessarily choose where you wind up living. Borders aside, finances, family, job prospects and numerous other factors affect the places we are able to live, let alone the places we might choose to live. Still, that doesn’t mean there aren’t at least two sides to any place, that if there are things to hate, there are things to love. It doesn’t mean that if we choose to live in a place, that if we arrive in our dream city, that we absolutely have to love and stand by everything about the place or the choices of other people with whom we disagree. Shit’s complicated! Place is complex! Community is multi-faceted and ever-changing and requires work to build and thoughtful engagement, and so, I invited our team to share what they love and hate about where they live. If you want, I hope you’ll share the same about the places where you’re living. We’d love to hear from you all in the comments!

xoxo,
Nico

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Shelli Nicole , Culture Editor

Chicago, IL

I fucking LOVE living in Chicago I’ve talked about it often, and I have extra love for the neighborhood I live in. I’ve been here 10 years but only in Pilsen for just over three. I never thought I’d stay in Chicago so long, honestly, it was just supposed to be an in between while I decided where I actually wanted to be—but then I fell in love with the city. The people here have that midwestern kindness, and because so many folks here have family with roots in the south (especially the Black folks) you get that southern charm too. Then there is this beautiful blend of quiet and loud, you can have the noise of the city and then go a few miles in any direction and come across some sweet piece of nature to calm your senses. The lake is stunning, the food is fantastic, the nightlife is perfect, the rent is dope, and the vibes are pretty much never off.

I moved here from Detroit after spending 5 years in NY for college, and I feel like the city is a blend of what I wanted and loved from both of those cities. The big city vibes of NY and the sweetness and memories of my hometown Detroit. I was born and raised in Detroit, but I truly feel like Chicago is the city where I fully became the person I am today. I used to wonder if I should stay, in fact a few years ago I was thisclose to moving overseas, but I stayed and it worked out far better than I thought it would. I’ve built a chosen family here, I met my lovely partner here, I sat in my cozy apartment and built my career here—I learned about who I am in this city and I am so thankful the universe guided me here. I wouldn’t change my time in this city for anything, I may not be here forever but the time I have spent here has been well worth it and I’ll look back on it when I move on from here with a smile. Also, the winters are not that bad but i say this a Detroit girl so I dunno…grain of salt?

Lastly, a song that I LOVE is Westside Bound 3 by Saba & Joseph Chilliams (two of my favorite Chicago artists and btw Joseph made an album dedicated to Mean Girls, look it up and you’re welcome), it’s about Chicago but also makes me think of home—another perfect blend that makes me feel like I’m def where I’m supposed to be.

Ro White , Sex & Dating Editor

Chicago, IL

I’ve lived in Chicago for 14 years, and I love it here. I initially moved here for college and ended up sticking around, because it’s easier to make a living as an artist in Chicago than it is in other major cities. Sure, most Chicago artists rely on a less-than-fun side hustle to pay the bills now and then, but I think if I’d moved to New York or LA, I would have spent my twenties scrambling to pay rent instead of writing and directing bizarre theater, which, in my humble opinion, is the best way to spend early adulthood.

Artists tend to work across disciplines here, and I think that’s what makes Chicago’s performing arts community so unique. I know people who are professional clowns/playwrights, people who are burlesque dancers/drag kings, people who are circus performers/opera singers. And we have so many hole-in-the-wall theaters that will put up whatever weird show you want to create. I’ve seen immersive theater in an old church. I’ve watched a drag queen perform in a giant pimple costume at a bar. I’ve watched people juggle on unicycles while a punk band plays in the basement of an old factory. Because of the pandemic, I haven’t been able to enjoy this community the way I used to. That’s been hard, but I’m still happy to be here.

What do I hate about Chicago? That’s easy — the police. Even if you don’t live here, you’ve probably read about the sordid history of murders, torture, and violence committed by Chicago cops (but just so we’re clear, I’d hate the police anywhere). The abolitionist community organizing that happens in response to the CPD and our mayor is truly outstanding. I especially respect the organizing that’s led by Black teens (look up Good Kids Mad City!). I’m honored to live in a place where people are thinking outside of harmful systems, and I’m grateful that I’ve had opportunities to support that work.

Tracy Levesque , Web Developer

Philadelphia, PA

I love Philadelphia with every fiber of my being. I moved here in 1988 when I was 18 to go to Temple University, so I’m not a native, but after 34 years, I consider myself a local and proud Philadelphian. Back in the 80s/early 90s Philly had a chip on its shoulder over being the neglected major city between New York and DC, but then something flipped. Philadelphians started loving and appreciating what we had here and wanted to keep it to ourselves. Fine, give NYC and DC all the attention and leave us alone. “Philly – No One Likes Us, We Don’t Care.”

We have a reputation of being unfriendly, the worst sports fans and generally surly. A study even named us #1 rudest city in the US this year. It’s not that we’re rude, we are a sincere people and will not fake kindness to your face if you do not deserve it. Philadelphians are passionate, friendly, helpful, kind, real people as long as you don’t bring up throwing snowballs at Santa (who probably deserved it). Also, who was the deciding factor in getting Tr*mp out of office? Philly! Who flipped a senate seat blue last month? You’re welcome!

We have the best food in the country, it’s just true. We are still an affordable place to live relative to other big cities. You can have a quirky idea here and turn it into a business or non-profit. We are an incredibly diverse city and that is reflected in leadership, business, neighborhoods, cuisine and so many other things. We have an incredibly rich queer community and history and some of the most progressive and protective laws when it comes to queer rights. There has always been a thriving queer social and activist scene here. Of course it’s had its ups and downs, drama and in-fighting, problematic personalities, etc. but it’s always been fierce and visible.

I could go on about what I love for several paragraphs, but there are things I don’t love about this city. Crime and poverty, the disparity between rich and poor neighborhoods and the resulting effect on the public school system. Our terrible rate of gun violence since the pandemic. The fact that some Philadelphians just won’t let go of Columbus. Our public transportation system should be way better for a major city. Also, sometimes our cynicism gets in our way. We love to be the first to shit on something new, especially if it affects parking. And finally, our political system is a mess. Right now we have a checked out Mayor and half of City Council has resigned to run for mayor. We’re operating unsupervised here!

I do believe in our scrappiness and hope a new wave of younger, progessive people in City Government will make things better. I will never stop believing in this city.

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Anya Richkind ,

Brooklyn, NY

In N.K. Jemisin’s The City We Became (highly recommend!!), a character reflects that “home isn’t where the heart is; it’s wherever the wind feels right.” In Windsor Terrace, my little pocket of Brooklyn, the wind feels right. I mean, literally, yesterday, I was feeling that general sad malaise and decided to go on a walk, and the air felt so delicious. I grew up in San Francisco, so I grew up in fog, but I didn’t grow up with seasons. I love the seasons of Brooklyn. The tree-lined streets. The brownstones and townhouses and apartments. I love getting home-made pasta sauce from the Italian meat market. I love walking around Prospect Park lake with Jess at dusk. I love when my brother calls me because he got locked out of his apartment so he wants to crash at our place for an hour so he comes over and helps paint the hallway (green!). I love saying hi to Erica the barista at Daytime, the coffee shop around the corner. I love taking the subway to Williamsburg to see my friend’s play at The Brick.

The thing I hate about Brooklyn is something that feels so part and parcel of living in New York City that it feels odd to say I hate it. I don’t think I really hate it, to be honest. When the subway isn’t really working right, basically everything falls apart. Yes, it goes almost everywhere — if everything is working. But if it’s the weekend, or after 9:30 PM, or the summer, or not in Manhattan, or whatever, something’s probably not working. Maybe there’s construction so you wait 15 minutes for a train that never shows up. Maybe when it finally does show up it’s so packed you have to literally shove your body into a wall of other tired people. Maybe a particular line isn’t running so you have to take a car and the traffic is incomprehensibly awful. Maybe the subway gets stalled underground for an indeterminate amount of time in total darkness. Maybe there’s a rat. I wish the subway was less of a mess. But then again, when I take the F from home to Manhattan, we’re above ground for a few short minutes, and I see the pastel sky, the blinding sun, and in the distance, a tiny Statue of Liberty. The doors open, and the wind feels right.

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya , Managing Editor

Orlando, FL

I have only lived in Orlando for a little under four months, but it feels like longer, because I’ve been dating someone so connected to this place for nearly four years. Dating her is like dating central Florida. I’ve lived a lot of places in my life, and I always find things to love or hate about those places, and sometimes those things shift. I haven’t been here quite long enough to form complete opinions, but I’ve found a lot to love here. I love seeing pine trees next to palm trees, and I love that every walk feels like a nature walk because of how many creatures there always are everywhere. I love the neighborhood restaurants and the natural wine shops. I loved launching a book here because of how supportive and celebratory the city was even though I can’t really claim the title of local author quite yet. Orlando’s Pride festival is one of the best I’ve ever been to. As for the negatives, I’d say I hate the mosquitos and the fact that I am very very very far away from all my best friends. I hate the gains evangelical right wing movements have had in this state, but I hate even more when people outside of here think that’s the only story of this place.

Riese , Editorial

Los Angeles, CA

What’s funny about me living in L.A. is that I never liked L.A or wanted to live here, I just sort of ended up here! My heart remains in New York City, but it’s an impossible place to build a small business working from home — I came out west initially (first to the bay area, then back to Michigan, then to LA) for more space. But I miss New York and I desperately miss my friends in New York, even though I know it’d be logistically impossible to return.

What I like about LA is the people and that it’s a great place to be for the work I do, and like New York, it’s full of arts and culture and good movies and museums and bookstores and thrift stores and so much diversity. I like that it’s in California, a liberal bubble where we are insulated from a lot of the legislative harm that affects people in other states, a situation that became increasingly stark after Roe v. Wade was overturned. I like that it’s nice out year-round. There’s so much space to hike and walk and exist outdoors and it’s very dog-friendly. I love my kickball league. My girlfriend lives in Santa Monica and I spend weekends there and really love how walkable and quiet it is. It does feel like I’m living in a little dreamy movie sometimes.

There’s also a lot I dislike — especially post-inflation, everything here – EVERYTHING – is just obscenely expensive. And there are so many obnoxiously wealthy people here that businesses really can charge whatever they want, ‘cause there are plenty of LA residents willing to pay $800 for a 45-minute psychiatrist appointment (he doesn’t take insurance), or $4k for a one-bedroom apartment, or $19 for a side of french fries or $60 for a manicure. If you drive to the mall or Target to spend money at the mall or Target, you also have to pay to park in their parking lot. Parking at my doctor’s office is $5 for every 15 minutes. There’s valet parking at CVS! It’s also a very superficial culture — being hot and rich is really important here. I don’t like the traffic, and how poorly this city provides for its unhoused population, and that there are huge swaths of the city that don’t have bike racks or trash cans. Also my allergies are bad year-round! It also feels so hard to actually see friends here, especially post-pandemic.

L.A. is also super close to a bunch of other places that are fun to visit for weekends or longer trips. There are a lot of swimming pools here. There’s incredible food. The sunsets are brilliant!

Heather Hogan , Senior Writer + Editor

Queens, NY

I think maybe Queens is the greatest place on earth. It’s one of the most ethnically diverse urban areas in the world, and all the amazing things that go along with that. The best food, any kind of food you want, any time, day or night. Holidays from all over the globe, celebrated out loud all year long. Every kind of religion, and no religion too. A dozen languages to choose from when you pick up your ballot to vote. All the art you can imagine, a quick walk or bike ride away. (So many bike lanes!) Just a smorgasbord of endlessly different human beings sharing their cultures with their families and neighbors. Also, we’ve got the US Open at the Billie Jean King National Tennis Center and Kaufman Studios where so many lesbian favorite TV shows are filmed. Plus most of my closest friends are all less than an hour away!

The tough thing about living in Queens is the lack of greenspaces and the fact that my bones are made of the sugarberry tree limbs and dogwood branches that populate the Appalachian Mountains. I’m just a Southern girl through and through. I cry every time the Indigo Girls sing about the Southland in the Springtime, especially the part about how God was teasing when he made them be yankees. But you can’t have the homemade quilts and roadside boiled peanut stands, the fresh apple cider and infinite mountain bike trails, the smoke on the mountains and the whisper of Dolly in the pines without the white supremacy, which is more out loud right now in my home state than it ever has been. What I don’t like about Queens is that it’s not my home, but I am still very happy here. (I do wish someone, somewhere would make me a real biscuit.)

Analyssa , Writer

Los Angeles, CA

Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to live in a big city. I grew up in Kansas City, MO, which is not even a particularly small city, but I always knew my goal was to be outta there. Aside from my hometown, this is the only place I’ve lived permanently, moving here six years ago after college in the Bay Area and an extremely short time living in Columbus, OH.

Honestly, the things I used to love most about LA were how many places there were to go out, and being able to say that I lived in LA. After many years of personal growth and (fewer) years of sobriety, I don’t think those are my answers anymore. What I love about LA is how it makes me feel like anything is possible: like a girl who knew no one here can work really hard and meet the right people and end up with her dream job and writing for the website that helped her come out so many years ago. I love the friends that I have here, I love that there is always a movie playing, I love the air after it rains and how crisp it feels when you’re on a really good hike (I don’t even hike that often!). I love working in the entertainment industry, how often I get to meet new people, and I genuinely love the signatures of famous people outside The Chinese Theater in Hollywood. I love living in my neighborhood (Somewhere between Hollywood and Koreatown), not because it is fancy but because it’s actually one place in LA-proper where it doesn’t feel like only rich people can survive. I love how many Latino people live here! And yes honestly I love the weather even though it is getting hotter every year.

There are some major things I hate about living in LA: the wealth disparity and homelessness that breaks my heart, especially when traversing the city to get to work, passing people who are begging just to stay alive as people in Teslas or mansions look down their noses at them. Local politics here are incredibly stressful. There’s no good public transportation and gentrification has crept into so many communities that remind me of the one I grew up in. But on pettier notes, I hate how few locations have parking lots here. I hate that it’s nearly impossible to walk into a restaurant and be seated and know that the food will be reasonably priced, decently-portioned, and not absurdly bougie for no reason. I absolutely despise getting home from LAX. And most of all, I hate hate HATE that it is so far from home, so far from the city I once itched to get out of. I miss my family every single day, I miss the place that I’m from, the way I feel I can relax there in a way I cannot anywhere else, going places where every single person knows not just me but my whole family, the life I led before this slightly shinier one.

A. Tony Jerome , Writer

DMV

Yes, I claim all of the DMV — District of Columbia, Maryland, and Virginia — as my neighborhood. I grew up in the first and last with my grandparents and the middle is where I often laid my head to sleep. In reading Anya quoting N.K. Jemison, so far the only other place where the wind has felt right has been Atlanta. Granted, I was only there for a few days, but as soon as the plane got into the city, I felt relief. Like, I didn’t have to keep running away. I know there are lots of black queer people down there, and it’s the first place I got to hold a woman’s hand in public and people actually SMILED at us?! So that was lovely, but I doubt I’ll return. I believe in hauntings and something about Georgia does not like my family. I just wish I could get that feeling of relief here, too.

Anyways, I absolutely hate the gentrification here! Why are there so many white people?! Go away! I went to Capturing Fire one year and had to fight against a sea of vanilla just to get my itty bitty chocolate chip self to Busboys and Poets! I’m glad you’re proud but this is supposed to be Chocolate City!

Valerie Anne , Writer

New York City, NY & Boston, MA

At this point, I’ve lived in NYC almost as long as I lived in my hometown, 10 minutes north of Boston. Traveling back and forth feels like going home, no matter which direction I go. Massachusetts has chaotic city layouts and passionate people and memories. It has the cemetery where I taught my friends how to drive, the highway that leads to my high school, the church basement I had community theatre rehearsals in, the restaurant where we had our cast parties. It has the Dunkin Donuts I worked at every summer in college, the library where I fell in love with reading, and the playground where I fell in love with a classmate or two. But New York is home, too. In New York I feel more…free. While Boston can feel like a bubble, a cute old town full of national and personal history, New York feels like endless opportunities. You can walk down the same street every day and it will never be exactly the same as the day before. There will be mainstays — certain graffiti, the halal truck on the corner — but other things will change. Storefronts are ever-evolving, sometimes the street will suddenly look like it’s the 1920s because they started filming a period piece, new buildings appear seemingly overnight. Everyone is a stranger but we’re all part of a community. I don’t know my neighbors’ names, but I know my downstairs neighbor’s mood based on if and how she plays piano. I’ve had so many amazing experiences with people I’ll never see again, and I’ve also made friends in unlikely places. If you count dorms, I’ve lived in 8 neighborhoods in 3 boroughs over 17 years, each of them vastly different from the last. Even a few blocks can change a vibe significantly. Astoria is perfect for me at this stage of my life, because there’s plenty to do and see, but there are significantly less people on the sidewalks at any given moment. From my apartment, without taking a train, I can walk to a movie theater, museums, a riverside park, a beer garden. From the corner of my block alone I can see a bakery, an Indian restaurant, a Mediterranean restaurant, a Chinese restaurant, a game store, a nail salon, a thrift store, a laundromat, a coffee shop, a cobbler (??) and a post office. Anything you need, all day and all night.

I hate change most of the time (it’s the ’tism), but really hurts the most out of all of these is that places where I felt cared for in seemingly small ways, just do not exist anymore. There used to be a gas station near our house that we went to so often, the father of the man who owned the store would come out and talk to us every time we came for snacks or gas. They didn’t know just us, but my uncle and his family and my aunt and her husband too. We went to restaurants and people knew my mom preferred booth tables and made sure to always seat us there. Even though it’s disconcerting, it’s also a little comforting, knowing that I can walk down the street in any of these places and hear, “You’re either a [mom’s maiden name] or a [dad’s last name]!” Like? This city and these states aren’t a small town! It is comforting to know, in some way, I’ve got some people looking out for me even in places I’d never expect.

But the family at the gas station had to sell. The restaurants closed down.

shea martin , Writer

Columbus, OH

I’ve lived in Columbus for a year and to be honest, I’m still on the fence about it – especially right now on a super gray winter day. I always describe Columbus relatively. Columbus is progressive and very queer compared to most other spots in Ohio (and even the larger context of the midwest but compared to my hometown (the DMV) and other places I’ve lived, like New England, Columbus is definitely not the progressive haven we often pretend it is. That being said, some really dope art, music, community, and organizing is happening in the city. When I first moved here for grad school, it was easy to assume that everything in the city revolves around the big university in town but that’s not the case. While I love the school spirit that comes with living in such a big university/athletics tradition, what I really love about Columbus is the community, spaces, art, and music in this city, particularly from queer and trans folks of color. My favorite coffee shop in the city is a perfect example of what I love most about the city – the shop is Black and queer-owned, gratuity-free, pay-what-you-can, and serves as a space of beautiful, intentional community-building. Almost everyone who works at the shop is a creative in some way – a photographer, some dancers, some painters, a songwriter, and an architecture student. That happens a lot in Columbus, you meet people who have lived multiple lives and have such rich stories and journeys. There are also great music venues and restaurants in the city. I love the abundance of scooters and parks. I love all of the markets and arts festivals in the summer.

That being said, there’s a ton I don’t love about living here. I’ve lived on the east coast most of my life and I hate being SO FAR from the ocean. Like many other places in the country, it doesn’t always feel safe as a queer Black nonbinary person. My wife and I mostly try to stay within the confines of the beltway around Columbus and its closest suburbs, but even then I find myself sticking to the places I’ve deemed to be safe or familiar. I’ll end on a positive note – this is a cool and homey city that is so much more affordable than many of the other big cities in the country. That being said – don’t tell your friends about it…I don’t want my rent to go up. :-)

L , Writer

The Bronx, NY

I was born and raised, and currently still live, in The Bronx, New York – it’s a fact I am always sharing in my writing because I am just so damn proud of where I’m from. A part of why I always talk about it is because I want to show that people from The Bronx are not the monolithic, negative, and often racist images in the media that still persist today. We’re multi-faceted, creative, resilient, community-centered, and passionate.

What do I love about where I’m from? The list goes on and on. I love that we’re the birthplace of hip-hop, and how it developed from this desire to tell our stories in our own, unique way. Regarding my neighborhood, I specifically love these two spots: Steven Restaurant and Botanical Market. Steven Restaurant, a Dominican-owned spot, has the best empanadas, tres leches, carne guisada, and more. Botanical Market is also local-owned, and makes many vegan and health options accessible and affordable in the community. Both places give back to the neighborhood and often help out in events like our annual block party or community clean-up.

I also love the parks. I live right across the street from Bronx Park, which has a cute little playground where I spent a lot of my childhood. There’s also an over 2-mile greenway where you can walk and take in some nature. Growing up, I always went to this specific rock to cry, write, meditate, and just overall vibe (there were also lots of empty bottles of alcohol and old blunts on the ground, it definitely added to the ambience). If you go far enough, you’d see a river. I also live semi-close to Pelham Parkway, which is also perfect for long walks.

What I hate about where I live also applies to my feelings about New York City in general. I’ve never liked the loudness, business, and rapid motions of urban life, primarily because it’s very overstimulating for me as an autistic person. I went to college in Plattsburgh, and it was the first time where I truly felt like I could slow down and ground myself better. I wouldn’t move there because it’s filled with white supremacists and everything’s so far from each other, but it helped me realize what I want for a future home. A part of me will never fully be detached from The Bronx and New York City — it has left a permanent mark on me in every possible way. But I’m only 21, will probably be 22 by the time this is published, and I have no idea how my visions of “home” and “belonging” will shift and evolve.

Drew Burnett Gregory , Senior Editor

Los Angeles, CA

I live in LA for two reasons: work and the people. I moved here for a job, stayed for another job, and then stayed long term because after getting staffed at Autostraddle I started meeting so many queer people here who I loved. The truth is I don’t feel a love for Los Angeles, the way I did when I lived in New York. It’s such a spread out city that I find myself more likely to feel a love for, say, Echo Park, than LA as a whole. My biggest frustration is the lack of public transportation. That could connect all the wonderful parts of LA in a way that would vastly improve the city.

I’ve been spending about half my time in Toronto where my girlfriend lives and falling in love with a new city. But I’m not ready to leave LA. It’s still the best place for me for my career and I still love so many people who live here. That said I also have friends all over who I wish I got to see more.

There is literally nothing more boring than living in a major city and complaining about said city so I don’t really complain about LA. No city has everything! That’s why I like traveling and living in lots of different places for periods of time. But I don’t know when my career gets to a certain place don’t be surprised if I move back to New York.

Casey , Contributor

Nanaimo, BC

I have a feeling most of the non-Canadians reading this have never even heard of the small city on Vancouver Island where I live. Nanaimo (which is in unceded Snuneymuxw territory) is a couple hours north of my province’s capital, Victoria, and a couple hours drive and a ferry ride from Vancouver, where I was living most recently. Nanaimo has had and to a certain extent still has a bad reputation, part of which is classism because of its history as a blue collar town and another part is racism about the local Indigenous population. It’s also known for having a lot of malls and big box stores. I guess I feel kind of protective now about this town that I’ve grown to love.

I moved here for a job three years ago and the timing couldn’t have been better, since it was less than six months before the pandemic started. My partner and I had just scraped together enough money to buy a house with a backyard, which is the number one thing I love about living here. I can’t imagine sheltering in place in the tiny apartment we were living in before. I still sometimes can’t believe I own a house with a backyard that my kid can run around in! Affording a single detached house in Vancouver would have never happened for us.

I also love how much slower, laid back, and less busy things are here. You can always find parking and a spot to put your blanket down at the beach. People are not in a rush all the time. (Lol, a popular bumper sticker here is “Slow down, this ain’t the mainland”). I love how green it is within the city and I love how there’s a forest trail literally adjacent to my backyard. I love how easy it is to get to beautiful hikes and lakes outside the city. I love the cute cafes and restaurants and ice cream shop and little indie bookstore I’ve found where the people working there recognize you after you’ve been around a few times.

Honestly hate seems like too strong a word for anything about Nanaimo I don’t like. I do wish all my friends lived here though! I wish there was more of a visible queer community. And I wish homelessness and the opioid crisis weren’t so keenly felt here. It breaks my heart.

Vanessa Friedman , Community Editor

Portland, OR

Oh, Portland. This rainy city has my whole heart, and I can’t talk about it without sounding like a lovesick teen. I wrote a whole zine about Portland. I said it was about home but the thing is it was really about Portland which is the whole point, isn’t it?

What do I love about Portland? I love my friends. I love how fucking queer it is. I love that being fat and queer and weird is the norm and I never feel bad about my body or my brain or my existence. I love how close we are to so many truly mind blowing outdoor spaces, that I can drive for one hour and be in the middle of a forest or snowshoeing around a giant lake or, with just a little bit of extra time in the car, right by the Pacific Ocean eating fresh oysters on the coast! I love how creative everyone I know here is, how even the people with desk jobs don’t bat an eye at getting super crafty for a costume party or creating a giant blanket fort in your friend’s basement just because. I love Oregon Health Plan, truly madly deeply. I love that we just elected Tina Kotek! I love how much good food there is here. I love my neighborhood. I love that things are walkable and bike-friendly. I love the farmers markets. I love that everyone wears Crocs and hiking boots and it’s not a problem. I LOVE SPRING IN PORTLAND HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE MAGNOLIAS BLOOM IN PORTLAND MY GOD, YOU HAVEN’T LIVED IF YOU HAVEN’T EXPERIENCED SPRING IN PORTLAND!!! I love my community. I have keys to all my friends’ homes and we pop in and drop each other food and have silly theme parties and make art and dream about the future and it feels like when I have a baby they will really get to be raised by a village and that fucking rules, there’s just nothing else to say about it, it really fucking rules.

There are things to dislike. The city is incredibly white and has been gentrifying at a rapid pace that makes cost of living prohibitive to many residents who grew up here. The line between “Portland hippie mama” and “dangerous anti-vaxxer” is like… a little too close for my personal comfort. The way our elected officials are mismanaging the crisis of homelessness that so many of our community members face is disgusting, and local politics in general are often heartbreaking. The Big One is coming and I joke that we’re all gonna die here sooner than later but I’m not really joking. The thing is, if I’m gonna die anywhere, I do want it to be here in Portland, OR. So here I am.

ashni mehta , Team Writer

Brooklyn, NY

When I first moved to New York, I lived in Midtown Manhattan – a terrible choice on my part (see: Times Square). I lived with two men in a one-bedroom that we flexed into three, which meant my rent was relatively reasonable, but that my walls were IKEA Billy bookcases and my pantry had three different kinds of protein powder. I moved to Brooklyn a few years later, and it’s where I’ve been ever since. I live in an extremely gay part of town, I have lots of plants, and my apartment actually gets natural light! I feel like I’m living the dream.

That being said, there are still plenty of things to dislike about this city. The idea of “hustle culture” makes me throw up a little, and it’s unfortunately a pervasive part of life here. Everyone is in a rush, even if they’re going nowhere! Trains and buses adhere to their own schedules, and will almost certainly break when you have to be somewhere on time. You’re just as likely to step in dog shit as you are day-old pizza, and also, people are kind of grumpy but I suspect it’s because they’ve all stepped in dog shit!

Sometimes, though, living in New York also rules. I love love love the public library (the Brooklyn Central Library location is absolutely stunning), where you can not only get books but also free COVID tests! There are so many greenmarkets throughout the city, and being able to touch produce outdoors has improved my serotonin levels in a way that no sun lamp ever could. When they work, the transit systems are decent (dare I say… good?). In exchange for $2.75 and an hour of your time, the MTA will take you to the beach! The NYC Ferry system will take you to Governor’s Island! I love that I can have a favorite gay bar, that I don’t have to settle for just one, and that I’ve been able to build such a big queer community.

I guess maybe I do love New York.

Sa'iyda Shabazz , Writer

Los Angeles, CA

I never saw myself living in LA, I’m a native New Yorker and I always thought I would die that way. But now that I live in LA, I would die if I had to go back to NYC! My favorite thing about living in Los Angeles is hands-down, the weather. I hate winter, so living someplace where it’s sunny even if it’s cold is ideal for me. I like being able to wear flip flops until practically Halloween. I like not having to weather treat my Uggs. I can take my kid to the playground all year round and not have to contend with weather. It’s heavenly.

Beyond that, I love so many things about LA. I love that my neighborhood is walkable. That’s not true of all parts of the city, but I was very intentional about living in Koreatown for that reason. I can walk to several different grocery stores, three different Starbucks, and most importantly, my kid’s school. Living in Koreatown is great too because there’s so much yummy food. We have ramen, pho, Korean BBQ and more all within walking distance. There are amazing tacos, and Pinks makes a decent hot dog (the NYer in me cannot understand how it’s not served with brown mustard). We have a doughnut shop up the street. People always think of green juice and quinoa when they think of LA, but let me tell you, there are SO MANY doughnut shops here, it’s truly amazing. I like that I can go to the beach one day and the mountains the next. There’s room for adventure if we want it.

I don’t like how spread out LA is. Someplace that takes 20 minutes can also take two hours. I hate how bad parking is in my neighborhood; no one ever wants to come hang out! The financial disparity here is mind boggling and heartbreaking. It’s also really easy to never leave your bubble, which is a blessing and a curse. But I still love it here.

Darcy , Writer

Chico, CA

You know those TV shows where, somehow, all of the tertiary characters and extras are the same group of 25-50 people? Living in northern California feels a lot like that. Located around the halfway point between LA and Portland, Chico is a politically light blue college town surrounded by bright red farmland. Growing up, I remember being VERY excited when JC Penney came to town, bringing the city’s first escalator; in junior high, the big big news was the Gap grand opening.

You can drive across Chico in fifteen minutes, and I grew up absolutely surrounded by family. When I turned eighteen, I couldn’t wait to get away to somewhere more exciting, some place where every community college kid hadn’t been taught by my dad. I spent a decade in Santa Cruz, a place that will always have a big chunk of my heart. But when I was about to turn 30, closeted and flailing up in the half-light of Seattle, I called my mom and told her I needed to come home. Somehow, I’ve been here ever since.

What do you say about a hometown? I love it, and I hate it. I love the trees, the parks, the trails I’ve been hiking since I was seven years old. I hate how closed-off it feels, how white it is, how quickly the queer community shrinks once you’ve got a few exes in the mix. And having family here? That bit makes some things simpler, and other things more complicated, I guess.

When you visit, I can take you to the place I learned to drive, when a speed limit of 45 felt inconceivably fast. I can take you to my high school diner, to the creek I swam in during summer camp, the same creek my dog Milo and I swim in every summer now. I can take you to the Birkenstock store downtown; one of the small, shabby therapy offices above it is where I said the words “I’m gay” out loud for the very first time. I can take you to the playground I remember like a dream from when I was very small, the one with the giant concrete piece of swiss cheese towards the back.

Chico is my hometown. The challenge of living here as an adult is to let myself grow and change, even in this place where I am known, this place I know so well. I hope that’s what I’m doing. Who’s to say?

Em Win , Team Writer

Orlando, FL

em in a backwards baseball cap in front of a palm tree, looking at the camera, in orlando fl

Like Kayla, I’ve only been in Florida for a few months, so I feel like I can’t give a full report on my thoughts and feelings. Before Orlando, I lived in LA for three years, which is the longest I had ever lived anywhere since doing my undergraduate degree in St. Louis, and being born and raised in Ohio and Michigian. Clearly I’m a Midwesterner at heart, so moving to LA was a big culture shock, and now moving out of the West into the deep South has proved to be a bit of a culture shock as well. Compared to LA, I LOVE that Orlando is so much more affordable (athough people who have lived in Florida their whole lives say Orlando is too expensive now). I love the humidity and quick access to natural water and green plants. Even though I lived on the California coast, the ocean always felt so far away. Being the nerd I am, I love that I’m so close to Disney World and Universal. I’m just a big theme park person in general, so it’s really convenient to have so many go-to serotonin boosters at my disposal.

I hate the lack of queer community here. There are -without a doubt-tons of queer folks here, but there aren’t queer spaces to really meet anyone, especially after being spoiled with gay events in LA. However, I found the queer culture of LA frustrating, as somone who is wanting a committed, life-long monogamous relationship. That was no where to be found for me in Southern California. Even though it’s been tougher to meet people in Orlando, I’m finding that the people I do meet have similar life/relationship goals to me. I have a love/hate relationship with the Orlando dating scene.

The only other things I really hate about Orlando are the politics and it’s location. Even though Orlando itself is quite liberal, the conservative Trump culture is the blood that runs through the veins of the whole state. My specific neighborhood is slightly less liberal-feeling than downtown Orlando, but my sister picked the place, and I love living with her. Finally, driving to, in, around, and from Orlando feels like it takes so long, and that’s coming from someone who lived in LA traffic! The roads are windey and don’t make sense, and if I wanted to go to the queer spots I would need go leave an hour in advance (again, I didn’t mind when I had to leave 2 hours ahead in LA?).

https://www.tiktok.com/@ememwinwin/video/7167198470212816171?_r=1&_t=8Y8HsWYDqNG&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7167198470212816171

Niko Stratis , Writer

Toronto, ON

I am also part of the Canadian contingent within Autostraddle, the writers whose drafts have a lot of unnecessary U’s in them. I live in downtown Toronto, Ontario above a butcher shop that wafts a balcony kind of odour up into our living room. Which, as a vegan, is a whole thing.

We moved into this place a few years ago, after my partner and I were renovicted from our old apartment by our landlord who immediately set about moving us into this place. When we went to look at it we stood in the alley behind while he fished for his keys and as he was remarking on how we were above a popular butcher shop he turned to me and said “is that a thing for people like you?” and I got defensive and said, with a VERY snarky tone “that’s not one of the trans stereotypes, no”. And he laughed the world’s most perfect and loud laugh and he said “no not that, aren’t you a vegetarian?”

I like living here, it’s a big city I can get lost in and often never have to be seen in either. I’m just another face in any number of crowds and backdrops. I was born and raised in the Yukon, which I always describe as directionally being “left and then up a ways” to most people. The Yukon created me, but it also kind of pushed me away in a lot of ways. I moved away after I got jumped by my old apartment the first year I was out.

This is all to say that I love the anonymity of a big city, I love the overwhelming opportunity to try new food, art and experiences. I lived very sheltered and a lot of the time it’s nice to break those walls down so completely that the world opens up to you. There are downsides here, as there are in any major city; cost of living is too high, too many cops and too much money for them, a lot of the character is being stripped away in favour of expensive condos. But still, despite it all, this is my home. More than anywhere I have lived or any place that has seen me grow from a child to adult, Toronto is my home. Come visit sometime, we’ve got a really tall tower and a hot dog vendor on the street in front of it who called me Kurt Cobain once and 6 months later saw me again and said “oh, Courtney Love!”

Stef Rubino , Team Writer

South Florida

I put South Florida instead of just Wilton Manors or Ft. Lauderdale because if you know anything about living down this way, you know that both Broward and Miami-Dade County are your playgrounds. I was born here, grew up here, and am still growing up here, and I’ve never lived in another place. My families on both sides are originally from Brooklyn, NY, and aside from the other millennials and Gen Z-ers in my family, the only other person who was born here was my Dad. My grandparents came here in the 1950s and 1970s to get out of the cold and cash in on the promise of a sun soaked life. They’re like so many other Floridians before them and after them who came from some drearier, harsher, more concrete place to build a life in between the waters of the Everglades and the Atlantic Ocean.

That’s what I love most about South Florida, and the rest of Florida, really. It has historically been a place for drifters and dreamers and people who want so badly to make their lives over again, to reclaim themselves, to put down roots in the swamp and become part of it. South Florida is filled with these freaks — deep sea fisherman, cowboys, python hunters, alligator wrestlers, airboat operators, sugar cane farmers, driveway chefs, cocaine runners, out of work artists, bird watchers, swamp daddies, santeros and vodouisants, bartenders who live on houseboats, beach bums, retirees with very little to do, reiki masters, rastafari, surfers and skateboarders, marine biologists obsessed with one particular type of fish, motorcycle gangs, political exiles and refugees, punks, bull riders, every flavor of queer you could imagine, orchid dealers, and Iggy Pop — who make South Florida one of the most culturally diverse places in the country. Add South Florida’s close proximity to the Caribbean and South America and our large Caribbean and South American immigrant communities, as well as our large Seminole and Miccosukee populations, to that and you can see what I mean when I say we have a thousand worlds right outside of our doors. We live together, work together, party together, and come together to support one another when hurricanes come blowing through to remind us that a peninsula in the middle of the ocean isn’t the safest home for human beings, especially not now. This is not to say that South Florida hasn’t had and doesn’t have its problems because it certainly has and does. But what I am saying is that I think, on a day-to-day basis, there is a uniqueness to the way people interact with and support each other here that I know doesn’t exist anywhere else.

On top of all that, South Florida is the place that made me who I am, for good and for bad. Living here taught me how to fight hard for the things I want and to hold my values and beliefs as close to the vest as I possibly can. The political atmosphere here will try you and will force you to reckon with the fact that people truly contain multitudes — they can seem so down for you and your cause while knowingly or unknowingly working against it. Building community in a place like this is difficult because it’s also impacted by the fact of geography and by the struggle to survive in an ever-shifting economic landscape. I treasure every community I’ve built here, even if I’ve been forced to give some up. I feel privileged and grateful to know how to talk to people from all kinds of backgrounds and experiences, and I know that if I can organize in South Florida, I could probably organize almost anywhere.

The list of what I hate about South Florida is probably equally long, but I’m optimistic that everything on it can be solved by those of us who are working to do just that. I hate the size of the wealth gap here and the fact that we’re currently in a housing crisis forcing people from their homes and preventing them from finding new ones. I hate that white supremacy is much more complicated and convoluted because of the particular populations of people who have settled down here. I hate that rich, tech bros are convinced they can turn Miami into the next Seattle. I hate that since the beginning of the pandemic, over a thousand people have moved to Florida a day, which is not only impacting the above mentioned housing crisis but is also making me feel suffocated. I hate that climate change has taken away our ability to stay outside all day in the summer. I hate that tourists are mean to the dolphins and the manatees. I hate that the Christian Right’s stranglehold on the state and the Moderate Left’s unwillingness to respond productively are killing us. I hate that people outside of Florida don’t really understand it, and instead of learning a thing or two, they blame us for living here as if there’s nothing to love. Most of all, I hate Ron DeSantis, and I’m mad he won’t respond to my requests to fist fight on national television.

Abbie Jones , Contributor

Portland, OR

I just moved to Portland earlier this year. I lived here for a single summer about 10 years ago, and then I ended up living in Seattle for a while instead. Then I moved back to the Bay Area, where I’ve lived off-and-on for about 25 of my 35 years on this here Earth. But something about that summer, and the incredible few years I had in the Pacific Northwest in my early twenties, brought me back.

This sounds weird, but the thing I love best about Portland is how slowly everyone drives. Seriously – I’ve lived in a number of U.S. cities, and driving has always been incredibly stressful. I am a safe driver, which I think puts me far in the minority. I tend to drive at about the speed limit, for example, and use my turn signal when I want to signal that I am going to turn. Everywhere I’ve ever lived, this has seemingly made me a menace to everyone else on the road, who apparently have really important things to get to which necessitates them hot rodding around like all of our lives aren’t literally at risk. But in Portland, it feels like the norm! The speed limit around my house is 25, but there are “20 Is Plenty” signs everywhere, encouraging people to drive even more slowly. I bought a bicycle just before it started raining, so I haven’t ridden it much, but I feel like it’ll feel safe when I do.

Otherwise, I’ve only lived here for less than six months, and it’s been COVID, so I haven’t become as familiar with the city as I would like to be. That being said: there aren’t many people of color here – though there are more than I expected, given the city’s reputation – but there are a lot of trans people. I feel like I see people I perceive to be trans every day, which wasn’t even the case when I lived in Oakland/San Francisco. I love my neighborhood, which has multiple bookstores, bars, cafes, cute stuff shops, and restaurants in walking distance. I really do love the weather. I like colder winters because it helps me appreciate the spring and summer. And I love that the coast, mountains, lakes, hikes, and all kinds of great outdoors activities are within an hour or two drive!

Carmen Phillips , Former Editor-in-Chief

Detroit, MI and Buffalo, NY

This is hard for me to answer because I am a person with many homes and many places that I’ve lived. Being raised as a child in Buffalo, NY (I also spend about a third of the year there now as an adult) has a greater impact on my personality, an adult who values community who hails from the “city of good neighbors” and who values hard work, coming from the rust belt. We moved to Metro Detroit when I was 11 and after time in Minneapolis, Brooklyn, Pennsylvania, I somehow circled back — which is something I never would have expected when I left at 18.

What I love about Detroit is its unapologetic Blackness. I love that it’s embedded in everything that makes Detroit great, a blanket that we wrap ourselves and bask in its warmth. I love that I was able to grow up someplace where my Blackness was completely normalized, that it was never a reason that made me feel like I stood out and that now as an adult, its something that gives me immense pride. Not many cities can say their most famous sculpture is a Black power fist.

Spending about 1/3 of the year in Buffalo has brought a childhood full of family, and aunts, and so so many cousins, back to my forefront. I think that queer adulthood is often thought of as being separate from your family? And my chosen queer family is my heart, don’t get me wrong. But I’m also someone who’s very close to the family I was born into, and who remain my favorite people — an only child who never had to feel alone. I was actually in Buffalo this past spring when a neo-nazi went on an anti-Black shooting spree at my family’s grocery store, less than a mile away from my grandfather’s house, less than mile from my bus stop and I spent every day after school. It’s been six months and I still haven’t found the words to process it?

I love having all four seasons, and when reds and oranges of fall leaves, the peace that brisk air over a hot chocolate gives me. As someone who grew up and still lives on the Canadian border, I believe that long, tough winters build character. And they make you appreciate summer all the more.

If I could change one thing, I only wish Detroit was gayer. I wish Buffalo was appreciated by more people. I think that’s about it.

Nico Hall , Team Writer

Pittsburgh, PA

I came back to Pittsburgh after living in the Bay Area for, primarily, its affordability, and all the ways that allows people to do their own thing. For me, it’s allowed me to take a lot of risks. I was able to get divorced and leave my abusive relationship here and to, with relative ease, line up a room to move into in a shared house. The lower-ish cost of living allowed me to work for not very much money at all in the arts and to still be able to scrape by. Sadie, my now partner, similarly came here to not need to live on much while she worked as a musician. When we first started dating, I lived in what we termed my “monk’s quarters,” the smallest room in the shared house where I had my writing desk in the attic, and she lived in the attic of a house with several anarchists. We spent a lot of our time either freezing our butts off or sweltering in attics in that first year, depending on the season.

Pittsburgh has a lot of strange corners and hidden secrets, a lot like any place, but they’ve managed to hold out in a way that feels special because, I think, due to the mountainous nature of the city, some parts just aren’t easily gentrified, many because the artists and pillars of culture around here locked in a low-priced living situation years ago and haven’t been moved. I love it when people do things like use mannequins as gutter spouts or steal all the “cash for houses” signs and repaint them and hang them up on telephone poles, all the little points of resistance, of weirdness. So it feels very different from when I lived in the Bay Area and it felt like every single artist (read: anyone working in the arts, writers, drag queens, etc.) was just moving away due to financial stress.

I love that I live on the side of a mountain and that I know my neighbors and that we’re all kind of freaks and that I am far from the only one growing vegetables on my block. (One of my neighbors has bees!) I love that I wake up in a room I renovated with my partner and that we can look out on the city while drinking coffee in bed and see the most beautiful sunrises. I love the family of deer that roam between the backyards on my street, two does raising their fawns together each year. I love the bookstore I volunteer at and the people who are striving to do their best to build community and find ways to help each other survive under the crushing weight of capitalism.

I also hate that this city has so many fundamental problems. It’s one of the most racially segregated cities, and it is just a reality that so many of our friends of color either leave or are thinking about leaving. I hate that the infrastructure sucks, whether that means collapsing bridges, sink holes, mudslides, constant power outages, fucked up water, or just that the bus system is messed up — none of it is maintained or well thought out, and it just winds up causing more shit for the people who have the least amount of power to deal with it. I hate our cops and the fact that the city budget cut everything but the police budget for this year. It’s also a blue city, and that means we have a special breed called “Democrats for Trump,” and that even local elections can sometimes feel pointless. I also hate how patriarchal and institutional the arts are here. Often, it can feel like, if you’re not linked up with a university, that there is little to no support. The place, too, is incredibly gate-keepy, just as a vibe, and I always want to be like “this is Pittsburgh, what exactly are you guarding?” Friend groups, because so many people grow up and stay here, can also feel super cliquey, and I’ve had more than one conversation with a queer friend about how hard it feels to make queer friends here — the city often feels really, really straight. I’m kind of ready to try something new. We’ll probably be here for a few more years, but after that, we’re looking to leave, too.

That said, I’ll always be grateful to this city for being here so I could get on my feet, so I could meet my partner, for being the place where I knew Mya the Dog, and for all the writing nooks and spaces I’ve occupied here. I love my winding walks crossing bridges and climbing all the public stairs (which I leave photos of in slack for my coworkers) and the pierogi from the Polish deli. I love the friends I do have, and the people who make this place bearable and special, who make me smile when I think about hanging with them. I love that queer witches run businesses here and that it’s a small enough town where I can see the same faces over and over. I love that my ex doesn’t live here anymore (lol). Like any place, it’s not about what it can give you, but about the kind of return you’ll see for your efforts, if you put a little work in, if you meet your neighbors, if you hold your breath and take the plunge and plug in.

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Comments

ICouldIfIWantedTo

December 19, 2022 at 10:50 am

What a delightful surprise to read Casey’s Vancouver Island content!!

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- Casey
  
  December 19, 2022 at 8:01 pm
  
  Oh yay I’m so glad to hear that!
  
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  - ICouldIfIWantedTo
    
    December 19, 2022 at 10:55 pm
    
    My husband is from Nanaimo and we live in Victoria and it’s so exciting to see our region mentioned on Autostraddle! You make a very good point about housing prices… 😭
    
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- Nico
  
  December 20, 2022 at 7:31 am
  
  Casey made me really want to visit!
  
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Darcy

December 19, 2022 at 11:55 am

casey, honestly, Nanaimo sounds kind of amazing! I’ve always been a country mouse, and the ocean is very important to me, but affordable living near the coast is just…not a thing here.

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- Casey
  
  December 19, 2022 at 8:04 pm
  
  It is! I’m so happy my partner and I made the leap to move here. I am very grateful to live by the ocean, I know what you mean! You are welcome to visit anytime!!
  
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Jenny

December 19, 2022 at 3:05 pm

This was so fun & insightful to read! I live in Baltimore MD, and I feel like I am still discovering the things I like about it, because even though I have lived around here for most of my life, it’s only since the summer that I’ve lived in the city proper instead of in the suburbs. And it turns out that makes a huge (positive) difference! I’m able to do so much more and get to things way more easily, and it’s been delightful to be able to experience the many cool events, restaurants, etc. that the city has to offer now that I am in walking distance from some of them (I’m still in shock lol). When I was younger, I never wanted to stay in Baltimore, so I had plenty of things I disliked about it – and some of those things are still true – but it’s nice to be discovering lots of things to like about it as well. While part of me would still like to live somewhere else, or somewhere more “exciting” at some point, I’m coming to terms with the fact that Bmore may end up being the best option for me long-term, and every day I’m more okay with that :)

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- Nico
  
  December 20, 2022 at 7:32 am
  
  <3 I’ve enjoyed Baltimore when I’ve visited! Thank you for sharing.
  
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Lila

December 19, 2022 at 3:21 pm

lol at not a single person living in the south!

and by “lol” I mean “god it’s depressing I still live somewhere that’s considered a haven for right wing prejudice and hatred, how will I ever deal with having all my family and so much history in a place so hostile to most of my political commitments”

really appreciated Heather’s brief comments on this!! and will be thinking of her when I make real
biscuits this weekend 🤗

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- Natalie
  
  December 19, 2022 at 10:42 pm
  
  I’m disappointed I missed the deadline for this roundtable because I would’ve loved bringing some Southern representation to it, @lilapeach.
  
  The things I love about living in North Carolina:
  – I live equidistance (roughly) to the beaches and the mountains.
  – Sweet tea. Also? The expectation that if you ask for tea in a restaurant, it’ll be sweet because, of course, it should be.
  – The food and its food traditions (most of which tell the story of black people in this country).
  – One specific food: barbecue. Eastern NC, vinegar-style BBQ only.
  – March on Tobacco Road is as unifying a positive experience as I’ve ever felt in my entire life. Even despite the rivalries, there’s something beautiful about an entire city, county and state being consumed about the same thing at the same time. The energy is electric.
  
  Things I hate about living in North Carolina:
  
  – It feels like we’re constantly teetering on the edge of calamity. Everyone remembers the HB2 backlash, of course, but also…Roy Cooper, our beloved Democratic governor, wanted to run for US Senate — and would’ve likely won in a cake walk — but couldn’t because he’d leave the governor’s chair to our absolutely raving lunatic of a Lt. Governor.
  – Gentrification, particularly in Raleigh and Durham (yes, it’s Raleigh and Durham, not Raleigh-Durham.)
  – The divisions are getting more stark…and it’s hearkening back to a scary time in the state’s history.
  
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- Nico
  
  December 20, 2022 at 7:33 am
  
  <3 We do have some folks living in the south, but they just didn’t answer the roundtable prompt (participation is optional). Shout out to Natalie for sharing in the comments!!
  
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Elisabeth

December 19, 2022 at 4:05 pm

Aw I really love hearing about all these different perspectives! I’m facing a probable move next year after ~4 years in my current city and it’s making me pre-nostalgic for everything, even though I’ve complained about a lot of things too lol. It’s nice to know that a lot of us hold complicated feelings about the places we live.

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- Nico
  
  December 20, 2022 at 7:34 am
  
  <3 I know! Contemplating a move is a very like, conflicting experience.
  
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Ann

December 19, 2022 at 9:38 pm

I’m loving the Chicago love! I moved to Chicago recently and have never felt so much at home in a place (though of course, the inequality is enraging — but that’s what activism is for).

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Pallas

December 20, 2022 at 12:56 am

I loved reading all of this. I also LOVE Chicago, I visited once during a Midwest roadtrip and almost stayed right then and there lol. I live in a big town in former East Germany, and there is a lot to love about it: the large underground/alternative queer scene, the low cost of living, feeling like I am really a regular at the places I frequent. But it’s hard being so far away from the sea!!! The climate doesn’t make any sense to me! It’s SO HOT in the summer and SO COLD in the winter!

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Linnea

December 20, 2022 at 12:58 am

This was so fun to read!

Also, Casey I’d only ever heard of Nanaimo because in the movie A Mighty Wind, Catherine O’Hara says something about wanting to be at home “in bed with a tray of Nanaimo bars” 😂 and I had to Google it. They look delicious!

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:)

December 20, 2022 at 5:55 am

Serious question for Shelli Nicole, Ro, and any other chicago folks: do you have dogs? How do you walk and exercise dogs in chicago winters?

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Ally Jansky

December 20, 2022 at 8:28 am

“I tend to drive at about the speed limit, for example, and use my turn signal when I want to signal that I am going to turn.”

ABENI I laughed out loud. I’m the same! It’s so true, it feels safe(r) to drive here. I also recently started driving to a Park n’ Ride and taking the train the rest of my commute, and I love that too.

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Jo I

December 20, 2022 at 10:00 am

I love this thread, it’s fascinating!

I live in a small town in mid-Norway and I love that the mountains (or at least a path into them) and the sea are both walking distance from my house. I love the aurorae and seeing the stars. I love this time of year where people put out tiny white lights and candles everywhere, and knowing the reindeer will arrive soon in the field out back. I love the summer too, when although the sun does set, it doesn’t get properly dark either, and the sky goes a mad electric blue for a few hours. I love how although this town is so small it still has a Pride march, and how uncontroversial that is here. I love the folk music scene and the volunteer groups of older ladies who teach traditional handworking skills to anyone who turns up.

But I hate how far away it is from my oldest, closest friends. I hate how to get almost anywhere else I have to get on a plane or else spend a day or more on a train. And I hate how racism against Samí people can come snarling up out of a conversation when I least expect it and how difficult it has been as a foreigner to learn about Samí history and culture.

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Arvan12

December 20, 2022 at 3:28 pm

I live in Toronto, and I was also born here, so I probably have a bit of a different perspective from Niko. In total, I’ve lived in this city for 23 years, the first 18, and the most recent 5. I left for school, and stayed away an extra 3 years, but I eventually came back, as I always knew I would. One of both the best and worst things about Toronto (like a lot of major metropolitan cities I imagine) is the way it acts as a magnetic force, inexorably drawing people back into itself.

I love living in a big city. I love that I can order any food at any time of the day or night. I love the way the downtown lights look while driving on the Gardiner Expressway at night. I love that I can see Broadway-quality theatre without having to actually live in NYC. I love that nearly my entire family lives in this city, and that most most of my best friends have ended up here too. I love our spots teams. I love that anything I could imagine to do or see or eat or experience, I can do it here.

I live in the gay village in Toronto, within walking distance of literally everything I could ever need. That includes the best queer bookstore/coffee shop/bar/club/meeting space/community centre (this is all one venue), a petting zoo, and a dog park. I love that this neighbourhood votes progressive (at least on a local level, not so much on the federal level) and how many progressive signs and flags I see as I walk down the streets.

Most of the things I hate about this city are either 1) not unique to Toronto (it’s expensive, the transit sucks, it takes forever just to travel to another part of the city) or 2) could be changed if we just got rid of John Tory (the mayor) and Doug Ford (the premier), like the way the city treats its unhoused population, the absolutely ridiculous cost of owning property within the city limits, and the outsized impact the conservative suburbanites in the 905 have on our politics. But I also hate how tourists and suburbanites who are scared of the subway don’t know how to drive in this city, and the fact that the Leafs haven’t won a Cup since 1967.

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- Nico
  
  December 21, 2022 at 3:35 pm
  
  Everyone who lives in Toronto has me seriously jealous. For real.
  
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