on top of a black brick background sits an illustrated rendering of the stomach, liver, pancreas, large intestine and small intestine with little lines coming off to indicate excitement

A+ Roundtable: Gut Feelings

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Feb 22, 2022

Casey wrote at the end of her response, “Thank you Nicole for this prompt, it was very cathartic to get this out!” and honestly, same. That’s the thing, isn’t it? There is so much EMOTION wrapped up in our digestive systems. Our guts can tell us something’s off, even when we aren’t consciously aware of what that might be. Scientists call the enteric nervous system in our gut the “second brain” for many reasons including the fact that our gut’s nervous system can operate independently of your…I guess we’re calling it our “first brain,” now? Especially if you’re an anxious gay (and who reading this isn’t at least a little anxious?), our feelings can so often settle in our stomachs and in our guts, making themselves known through pain and other maladies. And that’s not even getting started on what pregnancy or endometriosis or Long Covid, IBS or any number of conditions that can affect our digestive systems. Our guts have been through a lot! So, today, this anxious, stomach-gurgling queer wishes you some peace in your digestive system, as much as you can get. I hope you’ll join me in taking a deep breath, holding it, and releasing it slowly. Thank you to everyone who shared their bodily experiences for this roundtable. You’re all awesome for doing so! A+ members, if you’d like, I hope you’ll share in the comments, too.

xoxo,

Nicole

Ro White , Sex & Dating Editor

I have a lot to say about this because my entire life has revolved around my GI symptoms for the past two years and I have zero shame talking about this stuff (I mean, I wrote an article about why we should all fart in front of our partners), so buckle up. I’ve never had a great digestive system. I started seeking answers when I was a preteen, but doctors kept telling me that I had IBS and was “just anxious” before sending me on my way.

After I contracted COVID-19 in March 2020, I developed new GI symptoms, and my existing symptoms became much, much worse. Those symptoms worsened yet again in November of that same year, which is when I decided to see a specialist. I had severe abdominal pain, plus constant nausea and bloating, and I was sprinting to the bathroom up to 30 times a day. I couldn’t leave my apartment, I wasn’t able to eat adequately and blood tests confirmed that I was dangerously malnourished. My GI doctor ran a number of tests (including my first endoscopy and later, a colonoscopy, which was a very unsexy experience) and couldn’t figure out what was going on. He just said my colon had “a lot of kinks,” and I’m very lucky that my post-anesthesia brain didn’t make any inappropriate jokes about his phrasing. Eventually, he decided that my symptoms must be due to a mental health issue and that I must be “more sensitive to the sensations of digestion” than the average person. Excuse me? Fortunately, I am a nerd and had been reading a bunch of medical studies, so I knew how to advocate for myself. I asked my doctor to test for Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO), and it turns out that’s what I have.

There are different types of SIBO, and each case varies in severity — some people barely experience any symptoms at all. I happened to have a very severe case, and I was able to partially treat it with multiple rounds of antibiotics. I say “partially” because while most people can completely heal their SIBO, my new (and much better) GI doctor has determined that mine is chronic. Here’s why:

Last year I was diagnosed with a connective tissue disease that is most likely hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (I’m still waiting on genetic testing to rule out other types of connective tissue disease, but my medical team is fairly certain that hEDS is the culprit). This means that due to a genetic mutation, all of the connective tissue in my body is super stretchy, including the connective tissue that makes up my digestive system. My small intestine and colon are, in one doctor’s words, “loopy and droopy” (although I prefer “squiggly wiggly”), so it’s easy for food to get stuck. This leads to an overgrowth of bacteria — hence, the onset of SIBO. While the antibiotics I took last year knocked out some of the bacteria, the shape of my intestines is not going to change and cannot be corrected, so the bacterial overgrowth is going to keep coming back.

My new GI doctor believes that I’ve had SIBO for most of my life — it just got worse when my body freaked out in response to COVID. By following my doctor’s supplement and diet recommendations, I might be able to get back to how I felt pre-2020, but I’m most likely going to live with some SIBO symptoms (plus other symptoms and comorbidities related to Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, like joint pain, frequent joint subluxations and fatigue) for the rest of my life. At this point, I’m not spending entire days in the bathroom anymore, but I’m always uncomfortably bloated, I regularly experience stomach pain and I’ve been nauseous every single day for the past year and half. It’s definitely not the biggest deal in the world, and I’m lucky that I don’t have a life-threatening illness. But it still fucking sucks.

Accepting that I have a chronic illness and a chronic comorbidity has been hard. I’m endlessly grateful for the disabled and chronically ill people who have shared their resources and encouragement online, and I’m grateful for the support of my girlfriend, who lives with multiple (and much more severe) chronic illnesses.

If you deal with GI symptoms, whether they’re chronic or temporary, here are my hot tips (and remember I’m not a doctor — I’m just chronically ill and I’ve seen a lot of Grey’s Anatomy):

For nausea: I swear by ginger pills and ginger tea. Sometimes I also chew on fennel seeds. None of these things are 100% effective, but they help me get by (and I happen to love the taste).

For abdominal pain: Gentle abdominal massage has been really helpful for me! I started doing it on my own, and my doctor suggested that I do it every night to help food move through my system. Lots of folks do this to help constipation. There are lots of YouTube videos of massage therapists demonstrating how to do this. Watch one and follow along!

For bloating: I have yet to find a good solution for bloating, but wearing stretchy pants makes it easier to deal with.

For going to the doctor: If you are a person who is marginalized in any way, you might have a hard time getting doctors to take your symptoms seriously. Bias is a very real and very dangerous thing in the medical industry — it is horrible and ugly and it shouldn’t happen at all, but it’s there. Sometimes it helps to bring a trusted friend or partner to your appointment who can help you advocate for yourself. I’ve also started writing down all of my symptoms and questions in advance so I don’t forget anything in case my doctor turns out to be a misogynist, homophobic asshole and I get flustered.

A note on dietary changes: Sometimes doctors will recommend dietary changes when you’re dealing with GI issues. My doctor asked me to follow the low FODMAP diet, which eliminates certain carbohydrates that are difficult to digest. I recovered from an eating disorder in my early 20s, so food restriction does NOT work for me. Instead of following the low FODMAP diet religiously, I’m mostly using it as a guideline (and I don’t beat myself up if I eat something that I’m “not supposed to eat”). If you have a history of disordered eating and you need to follow a specific diet for medical reasons, I highly recommend seeing a therapist and/or an eating disorder-informed nutritionist while you’re figuring out which foods your body likes and which foods your body doesn’t like. Getting extra support can help you stay away from ED behaviors and thought patterns and can make the whole process less of a nightmare. And remember that if your doctor recommends that you lose weight to resolve a GI illness, that is bullshit that is not rooted in science. Also remember that the BMI scale was developed by an academic who studied mathematics, astronomy and sociology — not medicine — and he only measured the bodies of white people. His work was later used to justify eugenics. The BMI scale is not an accurate means of measuring health.

Heather Hogan , Senior Writer + Editor

Much like Ro, Covid did a number on my digestive tract. Specifically, it flipped on a little autoimmune disease called Pernicious Anemia, which means that my body can’t make enough healthy red blood cells, so, you know, not enough sponge to my marrow, not enough oxygen to my brain, etc. The reason I can’t make the red blood cells I need is because my body can’t absorb or process B12 properly anymore. It doesn’t matter what foods I eat, what supplements I ingest (no matter what form they’re in). My stomach and my intestines simply will not absorb it! At first there was no sign of this because it takes a minute for your body to burn through its reserves, and also my main post-Covid issues were heart- and brain-related, which were a little bit more pressing at the time. But over the past two years, my bloodwork kept getting wonkier and wonkier, and finally my immunologist decided I needed a colonoscopy to find out what in the depleted hell was happening to me.

This was my second colonoscopy at the young buck age of 42; my first colonoscopy happened in my 30s because I had endometriosis that caused endometrial tissue to to grow on the outside of my uterus, and then on the outside of my stomach and intestines, ultimately piercing my recto-vaginal wall and causing my butt to bleed when my vagina was bleeding when I was menstruating! V. fun stuff! It was like my uterus and my stomach and my ass were all having a period!

Anyway, so the colonoscopy revealed that I do have pernicious anemia, and now I jab myself with B12 injections in my thighs three times a week. It has made my brain less foggy and my energy more… existent. So, my relationship with my digestive system is mostly frustration and confusion, but! I can now safely say colonoscopies aren’t that big of a deal! The prep’s not super fun, but it’s tolerable, and at the end, you get as many cookies and as much juice as you want! During my most recent colonoscopy, my gastroenterologist said I kept mumbling under anesthesia that I was going to fight Diana Taurasi, which checks out no matter how sedated I am or how few red blood cells I have.

danijanae , Writer

I’ve always had a very troubled digestive tract. I now know that during childhood, it was because of nervousness around keeping secrets of abuse. But as an adult, things changed after I went vegetarian, then vegan. I was in a space where everything felt very healthy until COVID.

I’m fairly certain I caught it, but in the county I live in, testing was backed up for two weeks so I just rode it out at home. Since then, I get a bad flare up of not being able to keep food down every couple months. I haven’t seen a doctor about it so it could be anything but it’s very uncomfortable and makes me feel gross so I’m in this weird shame space around it. Trying to give myself Grace but it can be hard when your body defies you!

Casey , Contributor

When I first read this prompt I thought about all the terrible memories of the many gut-related symptoms I had while pregnant last year. I’ll get to those in a sec. But before that for a long time I had nausea and lack of appetite every morning which it took me YEARS to figure out was anxiety related. Exercise helps but the best thing I’ve done for it has been taking anti-anxiety meds. I can’t believe I waited so long and that I lived like that for over a decade. I LOVE being hungry for breakfast in the morning now!

Being pregnant was an all round fairly terrible experience physically, but especially for my stomach. I had nausea that started a couple weeks into the pregnancy that became debilitating at about 8 weeks in and lasted until the end of the fourth month. (Typically nausea is considered a first trimester symptom, so it apparently should have lasted only three months. Some horribly unlucky people have it their whole pregnancy though).

I missed about four weeks of work and could barely get out of bed the whole time. I had a hard time keeping anything down. Ginger did fuck-all. I basically survived on lemonade, arrowroot baby cookies, and crackers. Even a pregnancy safe nausea prescription medication only helped me a bit. The worst was when well meaning people — often others who had been pregnant — offered completely useless advice, like “Just keep saltines in your pocket and eat them whenever you feel nauseous.” Whenever I feel nauseous!! I’m nauseous from the minute I wake up to the minute I fall asleep!

Shortly after the nausea subsided, I started to get heartburn which I had never experienced before in my life. I was like, oh my god it does feel like my heart is on fire!! As my mom (who has chronic heartburn) reminded me, at least it has given me empathy for other people with heartburn haha. I went into labour four weeks early and although that was very difficult and stressful, at least I didn’t have to experience how much worse the heartburn apparently would have gotten in the last weeks of the pregnancy. And surprise, it hasn’t completely gone away postpartum, boo.

When I think about having a second kid (I’ve always wanted two), the thing that makes me hesitant is not labour and delivery, breastfeeding difficulties, back pain, sleep deprivation, or any of the other symptoms and difficulties I’ve experienced: it’s the haunting memories of nausea that made me feel the sickest I’ve ever felt in my life. I had some dark thoughts, including things like, “well if I have a miscarriage at least I won’t have to live through this nausea anymore.”

Drew Burnett Gregory , Senior Editor

When I was three years old, I started having excruciating stomach aches. I’ve never been afraid of needles because I had so much bloodwork done at such a young age. After considering the possibilities that I was lactose intolerant or had celiac they landed on a basic diagnosis of acid reflux. My diet was adjusted and by the time I was a pre-teen, I didn’t have any dietary restrictions and I stopped having my regular endoscopies.

Then my junior year of high school — when I was addicted to caffeine, having at least three coffees and two sodas a day — I started experiencing chest pain so badly that I couldn’t move. I got another endoscopy where they found my esophagus was filled with ulcers and a hernia. I had to cut caffeine and adjust other aspects of my diet. I also had to start taking a powerful antacid that I still take today. The doctor said that basically most people’s esophaguses have a sphincter at the bottom that opens and closes but mine always stays open.

Over the years, I’ve managed to lower the dose of my antacid and introduced some of the foods back into my diet with limitations. The only thing I don’t consume at all is caffeine which is especially challenging when I’m working long hours on set. When I’m especially stressed or eat the wrong thing I still get chest pain sometimes. It feels very fitting with my personality that my gastro problems aren’t as external as most. It’s less about rushing to the bathroom or even throwing up — it’s just pain that I can ignore until I can’t.

Recently, my mom randomly revealed that the doctor when I was three made her leave the room to ask if I was being abused. She shared this like it was absurd but I guess the doctor saw my symptoms as a product of stress and couldn’t figure out why a three year old was so stressed. My personal trans narrative was always one where I didn’t know I was a girl until my 20s. But this story made me realize that the narrative of my early years was shaped by people who know very little about gender. I feel a lot of tenderness toward that three year old who was so confused and stressed that she left lasting damage on her esophagus. I wish I could tell her that someday there will be pills — for the acid and for all the rest.

xoai pham , Writer

Probably the biggest sacrifice I’ve made is giving up coffee because it made me feel like my stomach was a mosh pit. Anyone Vietnamese would understand how big this sacrifice was because Vietnamese coffee, served with condensed milk, runs through our blood. I’ve since switched to matcha lattes, with macadamia milk, and it’s made my gut much happier.

There’s a lot of things I’ve learned about my insides through my gender transition. For one, I’ve become a lot more sensitive to my environment. Things I eat and things I encounter in my environment end up hitting me harder. And it’s forced me to really take care of my body, to listen to what it needs, because ultimately no one can dialogue with my digestive system but me. Sometimes she is unhappy enough to make audible communication with the world, but for the most part, we are partners in this life. And I intend to be a good partner to her.

Nico Hall , Team Writer

So, I have a sensitive stomach to start with, and I’ll get into the worst it ever got in a minute, but to begin, there is a short but weird list of things I can never eat. I feel like I am publicly airing my list of personal poisons so this is in trust, you all! Firstly, the most normal one is that I cannot have any cow milk / dairy. I know a lot of lactose intolerant people play around, but one of the quickest symptoms I’ll get after ingesting cow milk is severe stomach cramping that makes it too painful to do anything else for hours. I also cannot have tea, like, from the tea tree. At all. I do not know why. I can have tisanes which are hot plant waters made from plants that are not the leaves of the tea tree, but if it’s black, green, white or any other kinds of traditional teas, I will PROJECTILE VOMIT if I drink it. On top of that, I’m also like this with bananas? They make me throw up if I eat them. But also, I think they’re the grossest fruit, so I never feel like I’m missing out on much.

In addition to having those little mysteries, I carry my stress in my stomach, and usually don’t notice that I’m feeling anxious until my stomach hurts. Then, it’s like retracing your steps to find your keys when it comes to me trying to figure out what I’m feeling anxious about. This came to a head when I had a managerial position at a nonprofit job in San Francisco (and was in an abusive relationship at the same time if I’m telling the whole story). It was one of those jobs that will wring every last drop of life out of you — and so one day, my stomach just flared with pain while I was leading a meeting. What was it? Turns out, my stomach was bleeding! I had to go on a whole antacid regimen where my doctor told me she’d have to lower the acid in my stomach so the wound could heal and I was just nauseous and miserable for months. I haven’t had a full-on bleed since, to my knowledge, but I’ve noticed my body starting back down that path a couple of times and have managed to fend off the worst through a combination of eating a ~beige~ diet, massaging my guts and actively trying to reduce stress which honestly I’m pretty bad at because I’m stressed all the time. Low acid foods during these periods are especially key when it comes to keeping my body from consuming itself with its own juices.

Vanessa Friedman , Community Editor

Oh wow, where to begin. I tend to joke that IBS is queer culture, or Jewish culture, or hot anxious girl culture, but guess what, it doesn’t matter if it is The Culture or not, I’ve got it, and honestly usually it sucks, even when I manage to make it into a joke!

My stomach was always fine (I was more a “prone to strep throat” kinda kid than a “prone to stomach bug” kinda kid) until 2015, when I got a parasite. Probably. The thing that drives me nuts about my stomach issues is the nebulous nature of them. I know now (especially since the pandemic, but even just since growing up a bit) that it’s very rare for health issues to be cut and dry, that bodies are complicated, and that no matter how much we can want An Answer when it comes to issues of “health,” we are rarely gifted such a simple process. But in 2015 I didn’t know those things yet, and I wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on with my stomach and why I suddenly had to poop 15+ times a day (though I am guilty of often exaggerating for effect when telling a good story, I am actually not exaggerating here, tragically.) Spoiler alert: we never really did. Maybe I had a parasite in Mexico. Maybe I aggravated my gut because of the antibiotics I took for the sickness in Mexico. Maybe I got a parasite from a lake in Oregon. Maybe I aggravated my gut from the antibiotics I took for the sickness in Oregon. Maybe the parasite never went away. The top digestive doctor in Portland told me 15% of people with stomach trauma just never recover. “Maybe this is your new normal,” she said. I was a nanny to two infants at the time. I could not afford for pooping 15 times a day to be my new normal. The babies needed me. (Yes this is really how my brain worked at the time — not, oh no, I want my body to feel good, but, oh no, the boys cannot be left alone 15 times a day, I cannot be bad at my job because of this!!! I’ve worked on that a bit in therapy. Anyway.)

What finally “cured” me? Acupuncture, mostly. It doesn’t work for everyone and I would never give unsolicited advice to go see an acupuncturist if you’re dealing with gut issues or any ongoing chronic pain, but for me, this was a goddess send. My acupuncturist saw me weekly, gave me herbs and instructed I stop eating certain things for a long period of time (which was very challenging for me as a person with an ED past and a strong desire never to do “restrictive” eating ever again — I got through it by focusing on how I was healing my body, not harming it, this time around). Anyway long story short, acupuncture mostly healed me but I love dairy and gluten and refuse to give them up, especially after my dad died and I was more reliant on small comforts to get me through the day (like, say, soft cheese). I accept the consequences of eating mostly whatever I want now, which is that sometimes I do poop 5+ times a day. But that’s fine, because I dunno if you heard, but IBS is queer culture. So I’m just living the dream with Our People, you know?

COMMENT (17)

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Comments

Caitlin

February 22, 2022 at 9:21 am

wow i love this article! i also have EDS related stomach junk that’s aggravated by mast cell activation syndrome, aka ‘sometimes i am violently allergic to this and sometimes it is a delicious treat’ disease

in a disability studies class i’m taking i’ve become the person who brings up poop/pee stigma in every discussion because objectively it’s a little wild that even within the disability community we can stand up and say ‘x symptom is normal and should be destigmatized!’and then when adult diapers, catheters, or ostomy bags come up no one can make eye contact

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- Ro White
  
  February 22, 2022 at 11:04 am
  
  I LOVE that you bring these things up in your class! I’m sending solidarity and good vibes to you, my fellow EDS human!
  
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  - Caitlin
    
    February 22, 2022 at 12:21 pm
    
    if you haven’t heard of it (or if any other comment-perusers are interested!) i highly recommend ‘Understanding Hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder’ by Claire Smith! my favorite EDS book by far- it goes through the body system by system to describe how different types of EDS can impact each bit as well as comorbid conditions! v thorough and v accessible to the armchair diagnostician
    
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  - Ro White
    
    February 22, 2022 at 1:22 pm
    
    Thank you so much!
    
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SylviaBeach

February 22, 2022 at 9:35 am

As a gay with celiac this roundtable watered my crops, cleared my skin, etc. My small intestine is queer culture babeyyy

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- cleo
  
  February 23, 2022 at 12:55 pm
  
  Hello fellow queer celiac!
  
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Brittany

February 22, 2022 at 9:45 am

Aw Drew, that final sentence… 🥺

This roundtable couldn’t have come at a better time, I’m off to schedule a GP appointment for what appears to be an ongoing symptom of queerness but I can only hope the doctor has a better explanation.

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Ro White

February 22, 2022 at 11:08 am

Well now I need a shirt that says “IBS is queer culture.”

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Jill

February 22, 2022 at 1:58 pm

Gorgeous gorgeous queers have convoluted nope ropes (I’m aware there’s a meme that identifies snakes as nope ropes but I have always thought this fit intestines better). Add that to the t-shirt pile.

This roundtable brought both glee (I <3 bodily function talk) and sympathy cramps. Love to all of you who share the downstairs affliction.

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Yam

February 22, 2022 at 7:20 pm

I feel very seen by this whole situation. Thank you

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tetsubin

February 22, 2022 at 8:20 pm

Thanks for sharing, talking about this stuff takes… a lot of guts!

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Jaye

February 22, 2022 at 9:07 pm

There’s a workshop scene in Happy Hour where participants are asked to listen to each other’s guts, which seemed intimate and terrifying, given the dodgy state of my guts, but now that I know my gut situation is queer culture I suppose listening to them is too.

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Tara

February 23, 2022 at 7:52 pm

Thank you for this!! I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis during the pandemic, yay! I will second that IBS/IBD is queer/Jewish culture and I would also like a shirt :D

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Chandra

February 23, 2022 at 8:53 pm

My people, I gurgle with you in solidarity.

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ICouldIfIWantedTo

February 24, 2022 at 12:36 am

What a relatable roundtable! I had my gallbladder removed (along with half my liver) a decade ago, and consequently the first thing I eat in the morning/afternoon can have unintended consequences. Sometimes it seems to matter what it is, and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s an adventure every day! I think this is because the gallbladder stores bile, and without that stored-up bile it’s hard to digest things, especially fats (maybe??? This may be untrue). Honestly, I had to google my way to this probable answer after my doctor tested me for celiac disease, lactose intolerance etc and then was like “IBS I guess?”, presumably forgetting the major surgery that had precipitated this new problem.

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Hatch

February 24, 2022 at 1:56 pm

Thank you much for sharing this! There is definitely *something* up with my insides but I’ve been trying to ignore it because I just… don’t need another thing? But maybe I will add it to my list of things to actually deal with.

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Lena

March 21, 2022 at 11:00 am

Thank you so much for this. Glad to hear that gut problems are queer culture cause I was diagnosed with a hiatal hernia last year. Antacids make it more tolerable for sure but I still have some acid reflux at least a few days a week and have some weeks where I will just vomit a couple times a week with no clear precursor!

But extra thanks to Ro for affirming what I was already leaning towards that when my gastroenterologist has suggested losing weight he was being unhelpful. Honestly I was already annoyed at him for being so light on communication with me, so just more evidence I need a new gastroenterologist!

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