So You Want To Dress Like Shane and Ilya in Heated Rivalry

If you have found yourself at a loss getting dressed these last few weeks, wracked with indecision, unable to find the outfit that says what you want, I’ve got you. I too, while watching the fucking and joy of Heated Rivalry, found myself thinking “well it’s time to start dressing like a closeted hockey player from 2008-2017!” And thus I present this guide to dressing, if not exactly like our boys, then quite close, vibes wise. Joggers, blazers, and patterned shirts, OH my!

First things first. You cannot have the incredibly sick maple leaf fleece that Shane is wearing in episode two. That is because it was made for the show, so there is literally one in the world. I know, I am sorry, it hurts us all! Luckily, costume designer Hanna Puley made the world a better place via Instagram by providing some detailed breakdowns of how she thought about costuming these characters. Let’s get into it!! Here’s how to dress like Ilya and Shane fromHeated Rivalry!

Remember, it is somewhere between 2008 and 2017 and you are in Canada! It’s cold as hell, and you gotta stay warm between practice and events and blow jobs in hotel rooms!

I am going to be real with you all: I am quite literally feral for that MOOSE fleece! It’s so sick and still has the energy of Shane’s humble Olympic jacket. If you want to be a little less print forward, the Borealis version is a little chiller while still being very eye-catching. This black and white one from ASOS is like a cross between the vibes of Shane and Ilya, if you get me? And finally, who is ever mad at a classic LL Bean colorblocked fleece? Not me, and I hope not you either!

Costume designer Hanna is quite clear about the source for Ilya’s slutty tanks, and they are perhaps unsurprisingly from Adidas. I could not locate the exact version that is my favorite in the show: that long one from episode six, with the side slits? But the joy of a slutty tank top is making it your own, you know? Why not start with any of these building blocks and add what whatever rips and tears you want? Long sleeves can be slutty, too! The tighter the shirt, the more slutty!

As for Shane and his love of a preppy linen? Look, it might be slightly less iconic, but it is, remember, somewhere between 2008 and 2017. Shane is who he is, and we love him for that!

When you are a closeted hockey player living in Russia, you get few chances to let your freak flag fly. I love how Armand-coded his party fits are, from his patterned shirts to his slinky dress shirts. As for Shane…well, I love the boy, so please count this classic white tee as my entry for him okay? He is simply not an adventurous dresser! I frankly MEDICALLY need this ASOS leaf-print shirt, but perhaps only slightly less than I need that silky floral one?

Maybe it is because I am in my mid-thirties and washed, but I am finding joggers kind of an essential piece of my wardrobe these days, even before the boys of Heated Rivalry came into my life. I am in love with these heathered brown ones from Old Navy; you could really spice those up with a sick pair of kicks and long jacket. I can’t actually say I support that Old Navy seems to be bringing back what I used to call “the swishy pants,” but it’s quite appropriate for the (long) time period of the show! And look, you simply cannot go wrong with the classic three stripe adidas!

One hates to assume, but I do have to assume that some to all of the queers reading this already own a chain, but if you do not! It is PARAMOUNT! You can go classic or get wild and add on a cross for a true touch of Ilya. You also need at least two pairs of slides: one for the gym and one for lounging around the house. They do not have to be the classic Adidas ones! Those always hurt my feet, and I never understood why they were the shower shoe for the swim team. But you must slide, you simply must. Also, do you need a Rolex? Literally no, not all of us have boymoms like Yuna! But a watch is a good look, in my humble opinion, as long as they don’t have all that tacky shit! This one from Tissot is simply the only kind of watch I will accept: minimal face, leather strap.

Now don your chains, your tanks and joggers and meet me for a long run set to “My Moon My Man,” and folks, that’s how you make a Heated Rivalry.