you need help Archives

close up of two friends holding hands. all we can see are the two hands, happily held together, with bright sunlight in the background.

You Need Help: Should I Try Again To Turn a Friendship Into Romance?

You have to evaluate if you can experience the friendship not as a consolation prize or a waystation for your ultimate destiny of romantic partnership with them but as a…

Adrian

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Mar 7, 2023

woman with pink short hair stands against a clear blue sky, holding a rainbow flag billowing in the wind, looking content and sure of herself

coming out

You Need Help: How Can I Be My Authentic Self While Navigating Bi-Erasure and Biphobia?

You can’t control other people’s reactions to your coming out. But you can create for yourself a network of people who unequivocally support your bisexuality/queerness and who understand the specific…

Casey

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Feb 28, 2023

two Black queer people flirting with each other outside; one faces away from us and all we can see if her high ponytail and her neon yellow manicure touching the other person's chest; they have cornrows, a black shirt, a brown blazer, a silver chain, and a huge smile on their face

dating

You Need Help: How Do I Flirt When I’m Worried About Coming On Too Strong

I’m black and masculine so I’m worried that if I tried to make a move it would come off too strong, which I know I really shouldn’t but we live…

Em Win and A. Tony Jerome

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Feb 21, 2023

two women looking at one another not too happily. one is leaning against a brick wall.

relationships

You Need Help: My Partner Keeps Saying We’re Going to Break Up!

The fact that you feel affected by what your partner tells you, even when they’re not their best self, is not inappropriate or bad. It’s human.

Darcy

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Feb 14, 2023

a young Black woman with glasses and curly hair sits at a desk smiling at her laptop, presumably communicating with someone she enjoys chatting with at work

relationships

You Need Help: I Think My Partner Is Emotionally Cheating On Me

The idea that we must save our intimate, intense feelings only for our partners is a deeply heteronormative one, and I don’t want us to adhere to it.

KaeLyn

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Feb 7, 2023

Side portrait of young Black woman walking with mobile phone and bag

dating

You Need Help: Should I Tell My Crush How I Feel?

You’re wondering if you should admit your feelings to her, but you’re not sure if she’s queer or not. Let’s look practically at all the options.

Casey

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Jan 31, 2023

two queer people smiling at each other lovingly on a beach

relationships

You Need Help: How Do I Know if I’m Really Attracted to My Partner?

Humans can sometimes be unreliable narrators of our own lives.

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

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Jan 24, 2023

A woman with a backpack on a mountain, hiking away.

relationships

You Need Help: You Fat-Shamed Your Beautiful Girlfriend

If your girlfriend wrote into this column with this story, I would tell her she should break up with you.

Heather Hogan

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Jan 17, 2023

A couple, one with long dark hair and eyeliner, and another with glasses and short blonde hair who is kissing the knuckles of the other person.

dating

You Need Help: How Do I Get Back Into Dating at Age 54?

As a culture, we spend a lot of time talking about all of the ways that dating can suck; it becomes easy to forget how fun it can actually be!

Darcy

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Jan 10, 2023

a sad woman sitting on a sofa with a mug of tea looking depressed and alone

relationships

You Need Help: I Feel Like I’m My Girlfriend’s Second Choice

I want you to start 2023 feeling like your own number-one pick. That way, when the right person comes along, you’ll be ready and confident to be her number-one pick,…

Vanessa

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Jan 3, 2023