Christ almighty.

Things that suck: when you and your girlfriend accidentally wear the same outfit, when everyone has PMS, trying to break up with a girlfriend who refuses to be broken up with, getting blackmailed, meeting a cute girl when you already have a perfectly nice girlfriend, etc. It’s all right here, girls.

Just fyi, no one wants to look like they’re moving furniture when they’re fucking. In other news, Adele is creepily turning into Jenny and Phyllis’s daughter is a babe.

Everybody comes back to help us forget everything that happened while they were gone, like heterosexuality!

In which Santana doesn’t kiss any girls but she does wear a series of sexy outfits and boss everyone around while holding adorable puppies.

What drug were the Glee writers on while designing this year’s Christmas special? That question and more will not be answered in this week’s recap!

Welcome back to the wonderful world of Glee, where boys tongue-kiss each other at school!

Good news: on a scale of one to ten, this episode was “not bad!” There was a surprising amount of sex from miss i-never-give-the-girls-what-they-want chaiken, it was directed by Jamie Babbit, Foxy Brown came to the jailhouse, and Inconceivable showed up from ‘The Princess Bride.’

Honestly, goddess bless this show for being so unapologetically queer. We deserve this.

Alex and Kelly struggle to keep hope alive in National City as Kara fights to survive in the Phantom Zone.

Because of how upset and exhausted I assume y’all must be, I’ve made sure this recap is chock full of inappropriate captions and semi-offensive image editing and even drinking games you can play the next time you feel up to the challenge. Here is your veritable stuffed French toast of a recap, so go ahead and dig in.

This makes no sense. You would hand out a letter to each person as they arrive, starting with the first. Brandon arrived last which means he should have been left with the last “S.” YOU CANNOT JUST HAND OUT LETTERS RANDOMLY!

This week on Glee, various lyrics were sung in bizarre contexts and everybody slapped everybody else in the face!

In which Paige and Emily virtually U-Haul and Aria considered a longterm sub-dom BDSM relationship.

This week on Glee, Brittany had a mental breakdown and ate a lot of Cheese Puffs. Sponsored by Crayola.

This week on The Real L Word, Romi and Dusty reunited, Whitney and Sara visited Connecticut, Amanda went to a dinner party in New York with Kiyomi and Somer couldn’t make it! Hijinks ensue!

Free at last, free at last. Thank Ilene Chaiken almighty, this show is finally f-cking over at last.

The season three finale reveals who Pit Girl is, who the Antler Queen is, and who killed Lottie.

Karyn Kusama directs the devastating season two finale, “Storytelling.”

Lottie and Nat play a dangerous game, Tai searches for Van, and Shauna doubles down on Murder Mommi in the “Old Wounds.”