“ANAL-ytics. Please don’t use that I am not serious.”

Do you love gerunds? There’s a a song for that.

“Yesterday I thought to myself, ‘I wonder what GayStew is doing in quarantine?’ And this morning I find myself reading this.”

Here is a beginner’s guide to sending really hot sexts to your casual date, your girlfriend, and every babe in between. You’re welcome.

“IT’S HAPPENING!!! MY THREEWAY POLY PARENTING NIGHTMARE HAS BEGUN AND I AM A L I V E”

“On my nightstand: three empty beer bottles, 14 books piled in a stack that’s threatening to turn over in the night and murder me in my sleep, a candle that is supposed to smell like vanilla but is maybe more like candy corn, a matchbook from an Ybor strip club…”

“It’s ok…I’m sure Dawn would’ve won if this were a mud-wrestling competition.”

“I gotta say, if you wanna have sex in six minutes, you should not spend the first 4.5 minutes unbuttoning all the buttons in both of your dresses!”

“I’ve always found the word ‘spreadsheet’ low-key dirty sounding, because I’m an eternal twelve year-old.”

“I posted that photo just to be included in No Filter.”

“Happy to see Lost and Delirious finally getting all the recognition it deserves after its cruel snub on the dead lesbians of television list!”

“If Erin Sullivan has taught me anything, it’s that someone will try to use a bath bomb as a dildo.”

The confident vibe you get from me? The “naturally sexy” way you (might) think I am? It’s not natural at all. It’s a choice; it can be learned. Here’s how!

SEXY TAMPONS FTW.

“Come for the lesbian hotel, stay for the euthanasia.”

Keep hearing about Chatroulette, but afraid to check it out? Never fear- our intrepid team explores the seedy, occasionally profound underbelly of the website so you don’t have to. And don’t miss our total weirdo screenshot gallery!

Ah, homo-love is in the air – can you feel it? … No? Well, you’ll always have us as your Valentine (and maybe if we’re both still single in 10 years, we could give it a shot, ya know, just for funsies). Forget the Hallmark cards, your Autostraddle Comment Award will keep your warm at night!

“It was like throwing a tennis ball at a wall and expecting it to bounce back but against all odds it gets stuck in the bricks.”

The world is crazy, but Autostraddlers are awesome! We’d give you wedding rings if we could, but until this legal madness ends in justice (could be a while…) we’re giving you comment awards. No proposition will ever take those away!

I’ve come to two conclusions: most entities aren’t censoring gay content on purpose, they’ve just literally never thought of it; and filters, in most cases, are a waste of resources and a bad idea in general.