Personality Quiz: Which Kayla Kumari Tweet From When She Was Closeted Are You?

This is a rare and special personality quiz in the sense that it will offer you not only insight on yourself but also insight on the inner workings and past lives of the quiz maker. Yes, all of these results are real, actual tweets I fired off from 2009-2012, a period of time when I mainly only used Twitter when tumblr was down. It was like backup tumblr. It was also a period of time when I was not out of the closet, but the tweets beg to differ.

What superpower would you most like to have?(Required)
What “holiday” speaks the most to you?(Required)
Pick a kitchen aesthetic:(Required)
Which of the following websites were you most likely to be on around 2009-2012?(Required)
Which of the following weekend plans sounds the most desirable to you?(Required)
How would your closest friends describe your vibe in one word?(Required)
Pick a film from 2009-2010:(Required)
Pick a Fear Street book:(Required)
Which store would you most want to have a $500 gift card to?(Required)
What color would you be the most likely to paint your bedroom?(Required)
Pick a Bath & Body Works candle scent:(Required)
Which of the following nightmare scenarios is the most frightening to you:(Required)
Pick a snack:(Required)
What most accurately describes the first few minutes of your morning?(Required)
Pick a song from 2009-2010:(Required)
What is one of your weaknesses? No judgement!(Required)

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, short stories, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the assistant managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear or are forthcoming in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 859 articles for us.


  1. I got “‘surprisingly heterosexual’” and although I had been out for just about an entire year when you tweeted it, I do relate to the concept of tweeting something from tumblr in the year 2011.

  2. I got “ultimate birthday party theme idea: michelle branch + leather”
    Which is somehow incredibly accurate for my closeted self in that era.
    Also bless you for the option “painting my room sounds like too much work,” I felt very seen.
    I need to see the rest of the possible answers!!

  3. I always take quizzes twice to cover the answers I almost chose. This time I got Sectionals and “surprisingly heterosexual,” and both descriptions were frighteningly on-point

  4. Absolutely no surprise that I got the Glee sectionals tweet, I keep trying to deny my inner theater kid but frequently rewatching the best Glee performances (90% Santana videos, obviously) on youtube says otherwise!!!

  5. I’m surprisingly heterosexual. The last person who really thought that was my mother in 10th grade. She was like really? Are you? I was not.

  6. #boobs

    Definitely something I would’ve posted / laughed at / thought about in 2009 …and also today. Honestly timeless

  7. “yay moms

    You aim to please, and you specifically aim to please hot moms.”

    Almost true! I’m the same age as hot moms and like to be pleased, thank you.

      • Same.

        Also I did paint my bedroom; it was hard work (and entirely worth it). Bisexual lighting colours is not quite what I chose, but considering that my sitting room is blue, my hallway dark fuchsia, my bedroom finishes off the flat in high bisexual pride form by being lavender.

        (I did not consciously set out to paint the house bi pride colours: it’s just apparently my unconscious preferences were really into it)

  8. “well I just bought a full iron man costume (again)

    How many Iron Man costumes does one closeted lesbian NEED? The answer is at least two. You too are passionate about the things you love, and the things you love skew a little nerdy. You know how to win a costume contest, and you know how to have a good time just about anywhere.”

    Halloween sorted, thanks Kayla

  9. alison brie drunk tweet. lol. ok yeah that’s the vibe, i don’t make sense in a word-brain way but i can for sure feel that tweet

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