It hurts my heart to even start to answer this question! Often a relationship that ended badly, or with a major heartbreak, ended up that way because it had as many outrageous, ecstatic “highs” as it did soul-crushing, toxic lows, and those highs were really high, and the lows were really low. I don’t want to call anyone my “worst ex.” Not because they were all bad (I remain close friends with most of my exes, of course), but because I try not to think about things in those terms anymore. We are all flawed creatures, etc.
But of course there is one memory that jumped out at me when I saw this question. That weekend at the State Fair. We saw Joan Jett on the first night and ran drunkenly around the grounds, then went back to our ice-cold hotel room, a respite from the 120 degree heat. They were so charming with strangers, I felt outgoing in their presence. We befriended every hotel employee and the hotel literally made everybody fresh-baked cookies every day? And gave us free shuttles to the fair?
We spent the whole next day at the fair, giddy like nothing else existed. We looked at all the 4-H displays, and ate funnel cakes and waffle fries and hot dogs, and spent hours in arenas rich with exhibits about farming and food science. I was thrilled to be with someone as compelled by museums and museum-like presentations as I was. Back at the hotel to chill off for a bit, I decided to read out loud to them caity weaver’s story about the all-you-can-eat mozzarella sticks — it had just come out, so I hadn’t read it yet, and they hadn’t heard it yet — and we laughed so hard we cried, so hard it was difficult to read, I thought my face was going to fall off. We choked, we died. We repeated what if i’d been a ghost the whole time? forever after that.
We were very high, later, on the ferris wheel, and I was sharing my theory about how carnival rides are all imitations of death without dying, and that’s why they’re so thrilling, we are doing things that should kill us but instead we survive — and again we were just laughing, but also the ride operator wasn’t letting us off? It was one of those times when you’re so stoned you’re not sure if what seems to be happening is actually happening. The ferris wheel just kept going and going forever, and we thought we might actually die there, ironically. I felt like my heart was going to burst! We got off, finally, and soaked up what was left of the night, won a bunch of carnival games, returned home to see our best friends at the hotel.
I hadn’t really been sure about this person before. They were so much younger than me, I just couldn’t fathom that this little fling could ever become anything serious. But I think that weekend I decided maybe that didn’t matter after all, that when you find happiness like that you have to hold onto it. And l did. Lord I did! I told my friends/co-workers about the weekend, and Rachel was like, “it sounds like you basically lived in the Beyoncé xo video” and that felt true. I have a lot of memories like that with them. The highest highs and the lowest lows, you know?
Comments
Omg I love this. Also I don’t think I have read anything by/about mal before but that is powerful <3 Love the variety in responses and how still everyone finds it hard to call someone their "worst ex".
Idk if you also want audience responses on this but maybe I will just leave a comment and hope everyone else follows suit and also shares their experiences open thread style lol. My "worst ex" is also my best ex, the one relationship in which I was actually deeply in love at some point and in which we were deeply committed (living together, talking about getting married etc). She was my best ex because of all that love and commitment and attraction, and my worst ex because of the disappointment that followed all those high expectations we had, but hot DAMN there's a lot of good memories there, so many that it's really hard to pick a favourite. Like Kayla my ex and I were extremely food-oriented, so I'm gonna go with one of many, MANY happy restaurant memories and say the time we went to IHOP (very fun tradition for me as a European) and two older dykes seated right across from us called us "sisters" as they left. As in, "have a good day, sisters" or something like it, like we were THEIR sisters in dykedom. I will never forget that.
yes thank you for sharing, would LOVE if other folks chime in open thread style :)
love the idea of there being a thin line between worst/best ex. omggggg this story is so powerful. here in Florida, there’s an IHOP where a bunch of queer people work and so a lot of queer people also go because it feels like such a safe and welcoming place so my wife calls it Gay IHOP lol. if two older dykes blessed me with the gift of sisterhood in an IHOP i would cry with happiness. thanks for sharing the story!!!!
Yes I would love it to be a thread! Pallas I respect your bravery to begin it! That IHOP moment sounds absolutely wonderful, and as a fellow European let me say I miss IHOP!
I think my best memory with my worst ex (I also feel bad calling her my worst! We’re not in contact really anymore but she wasn’t bad, just we weren’t that compatible and the end got bad!) was actually not that related to her! It was when I was visiting her parents for the second time – she’d come out to them because of me, and it’d gone pretty well but she’d been nervous – and her dad gave me a copy of his Cuban cookbook (they’re Cuban) because I’d loved the food so much last time. This was the first time I’d met a partners parents and I’d been worried they were Politely Tolerating me and our relationship, but was just such a wonderful sense of acceptance.
Not only do I still use and love the cookbook, but a recipe from it was the first thing I cooked for my current partner of 6 years!
i do love how everyone’s definition/conception of “worst ex” varies a lot — so interesting! yeah totally makes sense that sometimes the “worst” ex is the one where it was simply the “worst” fit.
i also have a lot of strong memories about multiple ex’s parents and families. one of the strangest parts of a breakup, i think, is that SO MANY people disappear from your life, not just the person you were in a relationship with (at least, in the cases of “bad” breakups). thanks for sharing your memory! you know i ESPECIALLY love food-related memories
I’ve put my experience in the thread, but I also wanted to say the range of responses here is super interesting AND Kayla yes bring back wild cravings!!
don’t tempt me with a good time!!!!!