Cowboy Clairvoyant is a members-only newsletter and series by Autumn Fourkiller featuring dream interpretation, tarot answers, and more ventures into the Beyond. Today, Cowboy Clairvoyant interprets two dreams and also provides a short guide to pulling three tarot cards for yourself.
Dear Dreamers,
Last night, while I was packing for a nearly two week trip to Portland, the electricity flickered and, though I held my breath, the power went out. It was raining, hard, and the swampy nature of an Oklahoma July was palpable in minutes, sans air-conditioning. I packed a little more as best I could in the dim, gray light, but eventually gave up and stripped most of my clothes off and read in bed, the covers tossed aside. I alternated between The Dry Season by Melissa Febos and Florida by Lauren Groff. I texted Stef to complain. I thought, dramatically, about the last time I had lived without air conditioning, in the blue house in the woods, and all the memories there I wish I could destroy, could strip clean from my skull and scour.
Eventually, contacts still in, I drifted into an uneasy rest, wherein I had three dreams, each, in some way, involving the Ozarks, the place that I sprung from, so long ago now. In one, I was with my mother’s sole sibling, at a high-glassed building filled with people recognizable and odd to me. In another, a lonely bar near the Baron Fork Creek, where I shifted through the minds and eyes of all the patrons, both myself and not myself at the same time. In the last, I was saying, aux arcs, land of the arches, to someone who wanted to know, smiling through a sheen of blood on my teeth, a handful of symbols in my palm to interpret.
When I woke, heart-pounding, to the lights and surge of power flicking back on at the hour of three in the morning, I realized it was cooler than I thought it might be. I went through the house and turned off the lights I kept forgetting weren’t working. I stripped down the rest of the way and, closing my eyes, fell into a balmy, if short, sleep.
All this to say: Sometimes dreams tell you something you do not already know. And sometimes, well sometimes, they just remind you of who, and what, you are.
Sending you your own reminders,
Cowboy
Queer Dream Interpretation
For some reason, Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo are in my small town and need to borrow some of my clothes. They come to my apartment, and we look through my closets for something suitable. I think that the brown tweedy suit that I wear for conferences and interviews might look best, if it fits. The shoes may prove trickier. I am not sure what brings them to this small town, of all places, nor why they do not have other clothes with them or go to one of the admittedly few clothing stores in town. The dream ends before anyone tries on clothes or picks out an outfit.
– Sophia
Dear Sophia,
Thank you for the gift of your dream. And what a dream it is! In the spirit of honesty, I’m not exactly what you would call a fan of Wicked, though neither am I a hater. That said, I know you are, so it’s pretty fun that these two cast members appeared to you, though there is, not to me, any larger significance in them aside from their celebrity.
This can be tricky, I know, but to you, and anyone who has a celebrity dream, often what we’re looking for in their symbolism is what they mean to you, not so much what they are trying to convey to you. In Ariana and Cynthia, we can see there is something in you that wants to impress, even if you feel like you have a meager offering.
In your note to me, you said that you wouldn’t be in your town, or visit it, if it were not for your job, which is something I can very much understand, but what this dream is telling you is that there is no reason to feel inferior to others because of where you have sprung from, nor where you are currently settled. It may feel suffocating, but you, there, are a redeeming facet of its nature. You have more to give, and more worth, than you think you do.
Though no one tries on clothes or picks out an outfit, you still retain your power there, as curator, especially in your own life.
See you on the other side,
CC
Ask the Tarot: Should I Break Up With My Partner?
Before we begin this week’s thematic reading, I would like to say that I have answered the above question: “Should I break up with my partner?” quite a few times for quite a few separate private clients. Something has been in the air recently!
I am not, in general, a mystic who just says yes with no caveats. That said, if you’re asking the question, not just to yourself but to another person, it is one that deserves to be deeply considered. Instead of giving you, dear seeker, a straight yes or no, this reading is instead designed to lead you deeper into clarity about the decision. Breaking up is hard to do, yes, but not impossible.
Card One: THE STAR
I know what you’re thinking. The Star, she stands for hope, for rejuvenation. And yes, she does, but she also seeks to remind you that all you need (which is not to say community isn’t important), is already inside of you. Interrogate your impulses here. Why, exactly, are you in a relationship? Is it because you fear being alone? Or is it because you and your partner bring something to each other’s lives, something that you would not have without each other?
If it’s fear, follow it down, and seek the source.
Card Two: DEATH
Death, one of the most feared cards in all decks, and yet also the most misunderstood. When a reader draws a series of death cards for me, only then do I really begin to trust them. That said, death, in this case, is not actual death, but instead the death of a cycle, of a path. In your relationship, as you question it, where are the sore spots? Are they patchable? Are they rotten? Do you and your partner follow the same cycle, over and over again, with no way out?
It can be scary to start a new life, or to go down a new path, but this does not mean it isn’t worth it.
However, if none of this rings true, do not kill something that could live on just because it’s easier. Instead, think about those parts of yourself, those emotional sinkholes, that you could do without.
In other words, start to dissect those impulses.
Card Three: STRENGTH
You want a strong, enduring relationship, who wouldn’t? This card tells us that this is possible, that not only can something bloom, but something can bloom with you, not just with a partner. It’s going to be a tough road, don’t get me wrong, but if you cast aside these petty arguments, these trivialities, you will have the strength to endure it, alone or with a partner.
Ask yourself: Are you stronger together? Or are you stronger single? Where, exactly, does your strength lie? Where does your partner’s strength lie?
In the end, you must rely on your own strength of knowledge of yourself, the final question being: What is it, exactly, that you want?
Submit your dreams and tarot questions for Cowboy Clairvoyant!
