“Buffy, It’s Cold Outside” Is the Gayest Holiday Classic Since “Carol”

‘Twas the month before Christmas, and all through the internet
The creatures were stirring, especially the Slayerettes
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that sexual tension would soon be laid bare

The queer folks were nestled, all snug in their beds
As visions of fan fiction danced through their heads
You in your beanie and me in my snapback
Had just settled down for an AO3 nap

When out on the Webs there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my chair to see what was the matter
Away to the Tweetdeck I flew like a flash
Scrolled through the columns and felt my breath catch

Jenny Owen Youngs and her pal Jess Abbott
Cahooting with Kristin Russo to make such gay racket
Yes, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Buffy and Faith spreading holigay cheer

A Christmas classic completely remade
I knew in a moment my heart was waylaid
More rapid than eagles the lyrics they came
And they whistled and shouted and called me by name

Now, RIZZLES! now, FABERRY! now, SPARIA and SWAN QUEEN!
Oh, JETRA! oh, BECHLOE! oh, PB AND MARCELINE!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
FUFFY! FUFFY! IS THE BEST SUBTEXT OF ALL!

Oh hey on this week’s Buffering the Vampire Slayer, Kristin Russo and Jenny Owen Youngs have rewritten the lyrics to “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” to bring us “BUFFY, IT’S COLD OUTSIDE,” the greatest and gayest holiday classic ever made! Kristin Russo shared this sweet dream with me a few weeks ago and the final song and music video yesterday and I have been pacing around my house like a caged reindeer ever since waiting to deliver this holigay gift to you!

And that’s not all. Over on their Patreon they’ve released another song for this week’s episode, Amends: “In thinking about Buffy’s speech toward the end of the episode, we decided that while we wanted to capture the essence of the episode, we also wanted to make this a song for the many, many, many of us who are holding tight to chosen family this holiday season.”

Carol bless us, everyone.

Heather Hogan is an Autostraddle managing editor who lives in New York City with her partner, Stacy, and their cackle of rescued pets. She's a member of the Television Critics Association, the Gay and Lesbian Entertainment Critics Association, and a Rotten Tomatoes Tomatometer critic. You can also find her on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.

Heather has written 869 articles for us.

20 Comments

  1. As someone who is from Santa Barbara (aka Sunnydale) and still spends every Christmas there, I was DYING when they sang, “You’ll freeze out there/It’s 60 degrees out there!”

    Yes, that is cold for a Santa Barbara Christmas and most of us would be bundled up in jeans and hoodies, which is basically the heaviest clothing we own, if it was that temperature.

  2. The “Cold Outside” video had me and my Kid in stitches this morning. Then I came home and listened to the “Amends” episode. When it got to the closing song, I was really glad that this is one of the days I work at home — sobbing audibly at the desk is, for some reason, not generally accepted at the office.

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