This recap will have spoilers for Season 2, Episode 5 of The Last of Us, “Feel Her Love”

Hello and welcome to this The Last of Us recap, in which Nic and I (Valerie Anne) discuss the most recent episode through a queer, nerdy lens as lovers of both the original games and television in general. As always, we will compare/contrast the game to the show, but we won’t spoil future aspects of the game, and we ask that you do the same in the comments!

Last week on The Last of Us, Ellie and Dina made it to Seattle and started plotting their way to find the Wolves and, specifically, Abby & Co, the people who came to Jackson to kill Joel, Dina found out Ellie is immune to the infection that plagues their world, and the two of them finally admitted their feelings for each other by way of many kisses.

This week, we open with Hanrahan and some Wolves at the hospital. Hanrahan specifically asks a Wolf named Park about what went down that caused them to lose some men and weld the door to the basement shut.

This scene had so much tension considering it was just two women talking across a desk.

And boy did we learn some things here.

Valerie: While I obviously love the scenes with “our” people most of all, I do love these little snapshots of “Elsewhere in the Apocalypse.” It not only gives us information that Ellie and Dina don’t have to keep us stressed, but it also just shows that everyone is doing their best to survive out here. Some people’s methods are…different than others, but no one (that we’ve seen so far, anyway) is completely unscathed by the horrors of this pandemic. Even the big bad Wolves encounter dangers they’ve never seen before, and lose loved ones to it. No one — not even Ellie — is immune to the trauma of this world they live in.

The way this scene unfolded was also so good. Before we ever see a glimpse of the cordyceps on the walls or the spores in the air, Park paints us a word picture. The B1 floor being empty of everything including rats. The B2 floor being so bad Leon and his crew asked them to seal them in. And the mystery of what that means about B3. Then the final punch at the end when Hanrahan reveals what we’d all been fearing: Leon was Park’s son. Brilliant storytelling, as always.

Also this is neither here nor there but Hanrahan has a bit of a gay strut to her step if you ask me.

Nic: Ha! I had the same thought about Hanrahan’s strut! What a strong cold open. First of all, catch me eating my hat re: Hanrahan being the leader of the WLF! I’m unclear where we are in the timeline, but since we didn’t get an on-screen marker I’m going to assume it’s pretty close to real-time. It seems like Isaac is the de facto pain-causer of the WLF which, everyone has a particular set of skills, I guess? Anyway! We do get some really unsettling information here: The cordyceps virus is in the air. IN THE AIR, VALERIE. We’ve got spores!! And the way we learn this information is as unsettling as the information itself. Shout out to Hettienne Park on slaying this scene! Hanrahan’s reaction to learning Leon was among those who sacrificed themselves was so sobering. And that final line revealing that Leon was Sergeant Park’s son? CHILLS.

Time for Seattle: Day Two! We first see our girls in the theater, Dina mapping their best route to the hospital and Ellie exploring the building.

This reminded me of the scene in Barbie where Barbie told Ken to take a walk so she could figure out how to get home. (The only thing this clip is missing is the moment two seconds later when she says “don’t go far!”)

Let’s talk about it!

Valerie: First up, I want to talk about the marquee, because you texted me about it and were unsurprised I had looked up 2003 movies and saw there was one with “Sick” in the title but it didn’t seem to be a perfect fit…then I realized I was an idiot and that it wasn’t a movie theater, it’s a regular theater, so I paused on the marquee and made out the word “Habit” and realized it’s promoting the band The Sick Habit, a fictional band whose set list you can find as a collectible in the game. THIS SHOW.

Nic: They’re SO GOOD.

Valerie: ANYWAY, inside, Dina sitting there with the walkie and the map drawing lines with the magazine of her gun?? Next time someone asks that icebreaker “who would be on your apocalypse team,” I’m picking her first. Ellie feeling useless because her skills are more…physical in nature was also very cute. And I love that they’re still using their classic non-verbal communication skills with their little smiles and hearteyes at each other. I also loved when Dina was telling her about the “long-ass building” that’s a gap in the Wolves’ line of defense and Ellie wonders aloud why they’re not patrolling it Dina just waited a beat for her to get to the answer on her own: There’s probably infected inside. Dina continuing to prove her brilliance by also knowing exactly where Nora is and also figuring out that probably the “Scars” don’t use modern technology?? No wonder Ellie is in love.

Nic: Hey thanks for calling it a magazine, because I no joke had in my notes “Dina’s using a round (?! I don’t know gun words) to mark up the map.” I love this scene because we get to see more of Dina and Ellie just being themselves together with the addition of adorable smiles and longing glances at each other. Plus Dina knowing how to triangulate is weirdly hot? She’s deeply into math in the same way Ellie’s into space facts and I love their special interests so much! They’re so stinkin’ cute!!! After they joke around about Ellie not being school-oriented, Ellie leaves Dina to her math and explores the theater. The shot of her from behind approaching the stage was gorgeous, and I was so caught up in the beauty and the admittedly improbable amount of pristine guitars that I didn’t realize what was happening until it happened. As she sang the opening lines of “Future Days” — “If I ever were to lose you…” — her mask slipped and she was visibly jolted back into her purpose: getting justice for Joel.

When Dina explains the gap in WLF patrols and how careless they are with their communication, I totally agree with you, I love the way she doesn’t immediately answer Ellie’s question about why they’d leave a whole ass building unguarded and lets her answer for herself. They’re learning from each other and you love to see it! I also appreciate that Dina identifies their plan as reckless, yet it doesn’t stop either of them.

On the way to enact their plan, Dina and Ellie chat so Dina doesn’t throw up from nerves. Dina does, however, throw up from seeing more dead Seraphites, which leads to a conversation about whether or not Dina should go with Ellie to find Abby at all.

“So I’m gonna love you like I’m gonna lose you. I’m gonna hold you like I’m saying goodbye.” 🎶

So obviously we need to chat about their chats.

Valerie: Once again a perfect scene to encapsulate the depths of Ellie and Dina’s characters, and also the range of Bella Ramsey and Isabela Merced’s acting skills. They start off being silly and talking about baby names, they see dead Seraphites and Ellie starts spinning out about whether or not she should be letting Dina come on this mission, and then Dina goes into the most heartbreaking story. I almost asked you last week if we knew Dina’s backstory, because I was worried she had a family member turn and that’s why she was so harangued by potentially having to kill Ellie, but it turns out it was a raider. You can hear guilt in her voice when she says she went out to play by herself despite her mother telling her not to, but you can also hear the acceptance and anger in her voice when she says she didn’t make it back in time “because I was fucking eight.” She swiftly sidesteps the question about how she got to Jackson (which I do hope we learn eventually) and says she would have hunted that man down if she hadn’t killed him that day. Dina is often so smiley and bright that it’s easy to forget that she’s been through it, same as everyone else. She has the same darkness inside her, the same pain. She’s just better at hiding it. Broke my whole heart.

Nic: BIG OUCH, Valerie, sheesh.

“And you’re tied together with a smile, but you’re coming undone.” 🎶

Valerie: And then Ellie putting a hand softly on her cheek!! When Dina says she’ll do whatever Ellie wants, keep going or go back to Jackson, it’s almost like Ellie knows what her answer is but she also isn’t sure if it’s the answer Dina wants to hear. Or like she tries to consider going back but she can’t even fathom not following through. Dina saying “If I die, it won’t be your fault” as if Ellie would ever forgive herself was also sweet. She wants Ellie to make this choice for herself, not for Dina, and she knows Ellie’s mind is made up. So off they continue, together.

Nic: Ellie’s comment about not trusting Seattle made me realize that Grey’s Anatomy didn’t premiere until 2005 which means the world of The Last of Us never experienced the numerous tragedies that befell the staff of Seattle Grace Mercy West Grey Sloan Hospital for Improbable Events. Imagine how little they’d trust Seattle if they knew about people cutting LVAD wires willy nilly! I’m sorry, I’m stalling because this scene had me in my feelings big time.

I love how quickly Dina and Ellie can go from joking about baby names to Ellie crashing out over not making Dina go back to Jackson. That image of the dead Seraphites is so haunting. Something that keeps standing out to me is the use and different meanings of “feel her love” depending on the context. When Seraphites use it with each other, it’s meant to be comforting; but last week in the TV station, it’s painted on the wall almost as a threat; and now the Wolves are using it as a joke right back to the Seraphites.

Valerie: You know, the WLF claims to be anti-Fedra, but that “feel this, bitch” graffiti felt an awful lot like Josh Peck’s attitude. Seems like the WLF isn’t all that different than the oppressors they claim to hate.

Nic: As usual, I’m going to shout Isabela Merced’s praises here for her delivery of Dina’s story about the first person she killed. It’s the apocalypse, so everyone has a tragic story, but that doesn’t lessen the impact of imagining a tiny Dina shooting the man who killed her mother and sister. Her delivery of “because I was fucking eight” punched me in the gut. And as she tells Ellie that it wouldn’t matter who started the conflict because she still had to watch and if it had been different, if he had gotten away, she would have hunted him down. In her way, Dina is letting Ellie know that she isn’t wrong for wanting to keep going after Abby; that if she were in Ellie’s shoes she’d make the same decision, so pregnancy or not, Dina’s going to follow Ellie’s lead. I’m glad they had this conversation because again, Dina’s reminding Ellie that she has agency and Ellie isn’t responsible for her if something bad happens. These two are going to murder me, I swear; because the way Dina leans into Ellie holding her face, it’s filled with so much love and trust.

By nightfall, Ellie and Dina arrive at the mysteriously unguarded factory.

This is the kind of part in a video game where I stand at the door and whine for three minutes because I know nothing good is waiting inside.

Let’s discuss the events that unfolded there, both in the main office, and on the factory floor.

Nic: There were so many game mechanics from here to the end of the episode. I was absolutely LIVING! First up is Ellie and Dina hitting that crouch into stealth mode. And once they were inside the factory, they kept stopping to enter listen mode. A+! I think my favorite moment in this entire episode was Ellie checking out the next room and describing it as “haunted, but empty” and Dina responding with “huh, just like us” because it reminded me so much of how we (and our whole friend group, tbh) would act in an end of the world scenario.

Valerie: I totally agree — that’s absolutely the kind of interaction you and I have all the time.

Nic: As they strategize, sweet Dina emphasizes the importance of shooting being the absolute last resort so as to not alert WLF soldiers and she VERY accurately clocks her girlfriend’s propensity for shooting first and asking questions later. And among the gentle ribbing, Dina drops that Ellie’s crazy is one of the reasons she loves her, as CASUALLY as Ellie said she would die for Dina last week. SOMEBODY SEDATE ME THEY’RE TOO CUTE, VALERIE!

Valerie: When Ellie seems offended that Dina is accusing her of shooting from the hip (literally and figuratively) but Dina says she’s a little crazy and that’s one of the things she loves about Ellie??? Ellie’s FACE in that moment, the immediate shift from defensiveness to hearteyes. And then when she tries to respond and Dina just smirks like “oh, I know.” THEY’RE THE CUTEST AND I CAN HARDLY STAND IT. What if we live in this moment forever and never go on the factory floor???

Nic: PLEASE!!

The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love (In the Apocalypse)

Nic: Unfortunately, the cuteness is cut short by not one, not two, but SO MANY stalkers waiting for them to make their first move. Each camera pan to more and more stalkers was absolutely terrifying. Also terrifying? The stalkers ripping apart the fencing from the cage Dina was hiding in. When Jesse came to their rescue, it kind of reminded me of the moment in the pilot when Joel and Sarah think they’re about to get shot by that soldier, but Uncle Tommy comes out of nowhere to kill the soldier first.

Valerie: Two things I hated right off the bat: 1) the horrible realization I had when Dina didn’t hear any clickers, well, clicking, which surprised her and terrified me, 2) the choking sob sounds the stalkers occasionally make. This whole sequence was so terrifying, from the one stalker crouched on machinery looking like a twisted version of X-Men’s Nightcrawler, to the realization that they were surrounded, to Dina looking legitimately terrified, to Ellie being the one to come up with a plan this time. The desperate kiss Ellie gave Dina in case it was their last! My heart! The one stalker distracting Ellie so the other could attack her?? TOO SMART. No thank you! They are SO lucky Jesse found them when he did, and before the Wolves did. And Dina jumping to Ellie’s defense about her not getting bit? I could FEEL the desperation in Dina’s voice, begging Jesse to trust her that Ellie is fine. She’s probably still reeling from the trauma of thinking she was going to have to kill Ellie herself, the thought of Jesse killing her probably practically stopped her heart. STRESS.

In a true out of the frying pan and into the fire moment, they escape the factory just to run directly into Seraphite turf.

Do you think Central Park would look like an entire forest if it were this overgrown?

Time to cover this traumatic turn!

Valerie: This whole episode had been different enough from what I remember about the game that I wasn’t thinking about the game at all, just enjoying the show. But the second I heard that whistle and saw that torch in the park?? I was rocketed directly back to gameplay. I have visceral memories of sneaking around in those trees and trying not to get caught by those whistling assholes.

Jesse is pissed, and when he says they’re going to meet up with Tommy in the morning and then go home, Ellie says no, and Dina looks legitimately surprised. This was enough to shake her confidence that they can do this quest together, just the two of them. If Jesse hadn’t come…Ellie may be immune to getting infected, but she’s not immune to getting her insides ripped out, which Dina almost watched happen.

Nic: It feels odd to say that I liked scenes that involve such intense violence, but what I liked was that throughout the last two episodes, we’ve gotten to see that in this perpetual cycle of violence there’s no clear “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong.” Neither the Wolves nor the Seraphites are innocent in this war and they’ve both committed heinous attacks against the other group. I found it really tough to watch the Seraphites torture the WLF soldier in the name of their Prophet; because of course they think it’s what she would want. While Ellie, Jesse, and Dina hide, we learn that Jesse and Tommy left the night after Ellie and Dina did and I honestly had the same reaction that Ellie did: initial indignation leading to resignation that it’s a damn good thing they followed.

Valerie: As if the stress levels weren’t high enough, Dina gets hit with an arrow on the leg – too close to the femoral artery for my liking, as someone with a degree from Seattle Grace Mercy West Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital for the Dramatic and Traumatized — and then they SPLIT UP. This seems to be Ellie’s go-to plan idea and I DON’T LIKE IT. And of course Ellie can’t resist going to the hospital on her own. Of course she can’t! I wonder if she would have thought of it if she hadn’t seen the sign. If she had run the other direction, would she have found her way out of the park and followed the plan to meet back at the theater? Or would she have always gone ahead, mission-oriented, restless to find her quarry? I’m not sure, to be honest.

Nic: When Dina got an arrow to the leg, I legitimately yelped because I didn’t expect it at all. But once they separated, I had a feeling Ellie was about to make some… Decisions.

Ellie decides to sneak off to the hospital instead of going back to the theater to meet back up with Dina and Jesse.

“Seeing red” indeed.

Let’s talk about what Ellie found there.

Nic: I’m like a broken record at this point, but I love the way the show seamlessly integrates “ripped from the game” moments with original moments. The previous scene is so different from the game but as soon as I saw the hospital and WLF base, it felt like I could pick up a controller and have Ellie army crawling through the tall grass. Once we moved inside, I was on edge from the second Nora started disinfecting the medical supplies. Watching Ellie here was like that moment in the theater when she started singing “Future Days.” Something in her activated when she was faced with someone who had a hand in Joel’s death, and she became singularly focused: find Abby at any cost. And when Nora started talking, I thought maybe she was making an empathy play but NOPE! She doubles down on Joel deserving what he got, and then the chase ensues!

Valerie: Speaking of things yoinked directly from the game: the dog named Bonnie, hey girl. And the infamous running-after-Nora scene. My memory is notoriously not the best and I played this game YEARS ago, but as soon as I heard Nora’s name this season, I remembered chasing her down. It’s one of those things that didn’t have to be in the show! There’s no story reason for there to be a chase — though they added a pretty cool one. So it felt weirdly satisfying to see Nora sprinting through the halls and having Ellie hustle after her. (With more skill than I performed with in my personal playthrough.)

And then when Ellie gets down to B2?? You see why they found a way to keep the chase in. We needed to see this. It’s absolutely stunning, and, not for the first time, I am hoping the set design team gets awards for this season. And Ellie seeing Leon Park, becoming one with the cordyceps, breathing out spores?? Haunting! Also haunting? When Ellie first dives down the shaft to follow Nora, you can hear the WLF soldiers who had been chasing her stop in their tracks, yell about the shaft being open, and ordering the hallway to be sealed.

Nic: Once they get down the elevator shaft and we realize that they’re in the previously sealed off basement, everything from the visuals to the music shifts. I love the decision to take a break in the middle of the chase to remind us why we’re here in the first place: cordyceps. And I’m with you, it’s weird that it’s tragically beautiful to see the way it’s infected every surface — the walls, the floor, the body of Leon Park.

The break is short lived though because as soon as Ellie switched on that red light, I knew what time it was. Masterful work on Bella Ramsey and Tati Gabrielle’s parts here. Nora thinks they’re both doomed, but Ellie’s not coughing and it slowly sinks in that there really is an immune girl. Which to her, makes what Joel did even worse because maybe there could have been a cure. And as she makes a last ditch effort to sway Ellie with the knowledge of Joel’s actions in the hospital, it does nothing because our girl doesn’t look shocked at all. She knows what went down and she doesn’t care.

Tati Gabrielle was INCREDIBLE in this episode.

Valerie: When we see a darkness settle in over Ellie?? Epic. Nora doesn’t make this easier on herself, like how she called Joel a “little bitch” upstairs, by saying they would have made a cure “from you” which sounds icky to me. Not “from your DNA” or “by studying you.” FROM you. Yikes. And also she reveals this like she thinks she’s a D&D big bad giving their final speech. But there’s no surprise on Ellie’s face. The way Ellie says, “I know” gave me chills. So powerful. Also the way she keeps repeating, “Where’s Abby,” over and over. And the hatred in her eyes isn’t just for Abby; she has reasons to hate them all. Owen just watched when he was probably the only one strong enough to physically stop Abby if he wanted to. Mel drugged Dina. Manny kicked her in the ribs. And Nora? Nora’s the one who held her down. Nora made her watch.

Nic: I loved showing Ellie holster her gun as a nod to Dina accusing her of just shooting no matter what. She drags this out the same way Abby dragged out Joel’s torture and murder. With each swing of the pipe on Nora’s body, Ellie starts to release every bit of rage she’s kept inside for the last three months, and while it’s really hard to watch, it was inevitable.

And just like that, Ellie becomes an anti-hero.

Valerie: When Ellie walks up to Nora, who is helpless on the ground, she squats down to talk to her exactly like Abby did to Joel. Ellie picks up a golf-club-shaped pipe and hits Nora over and over, just like Abby did to Joel. In her pursuit of revenge, Ellie is becoming the very monster she is hunting.

And last but not least…

The stark contrast between the Ellie in the last scene and this scene, though!!

The flashback.

Nic: AND IN CASE WE FORGOT WHAT WE LOST… they hit us with a “Hey, kiddo.” Are y’all kidding?! Also Ellie doesn’t have her tattoo so WHEN ARE WE?!

Valerie: MY SHAYLAS. This scene was like 30 seconds and 3 words long and it SHATTERED ME. Ellie in her own bed, Joel smiling from the doorway in Dad Pose, saying “hey kiddo,” Ellie’s soft, sleepy, happy little “hi.” SMASH MY HEART WITH A LEAD PIPE WHY DON’T YOU, SHOW. I was hoping we’d get more glimpses into what happened during the five-year time jump between seasons, but now I’m not sure my heart is ready for what’s in store.

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