Cuffing season hits differently when you’re queer and when you’ve lived a life full of reinventions. Straight people get Hallmark movies and pumpkin patch soft launches; we get group texts, astrological math, and the annual decision of whether we’re emotionally available enough to let someone see us in our Costco leggings.
And for me — a queer Afro-Latinx survivor who has rebuilt my life more than once — cuffing season has become a surprisingly tender checkpoint. It’s the time of year when I decide what version of myself I’m ready to share…and what parts stay under my weighted blanket until spring.
Why We Suddenly Want To Cuddle Up (Besides the Cold)
Sure, science says the drop in sunlight makes us seek connection, but I think winter is also when solitude echoes a little louder. I used to chase warmth in ways that weren’t always safe for me — staying too long, giving too much, confusing chaos for chemistry. These days, warmth means choosing softness without abandoning myself.
So if you’re feeling that seasonal urge to reach out (or reach back out to someone with a suspiciously inspirational Instagram grid), take a breath. Ask yourself: “Is this connection, or is this nostalgia wearing a beanie?”
A Practical, Queer, Trauma-Informed Cuffing Season Roadmap
Figure out your goal — without judgment.
For a long time, I thought wanting temporary comfort made me weak, and I would try to force what I knew to be temporary into permanent. Now I know clarity is kindness. Do you want a winter cuddle buddy? A “watch holiday movies and make soup” friend? Something that could grow? All are valid — just be upfront so no one’s heart gets frostbite.
Update your seasonal bio, but keep it honest
Try something like: “Looking for company that feels safe and uncomplicated. I come with good snacks, good boundaries, and a refusal to emotionally spiral before January.”
Trust me, people appreciate the clarity more than the perfect selfie.
Use community vetting, lightly
Queer circles are small. Your situationship’s ex might be someone’s roommate, doula, or favorite barista. Get the necessary intel, but don’t crowdsource your love life like you’re choosing a new therapist. A little privacy keeps things peaceful and mindful.
Talk about boundaries early — even if it feels awkward
The first time I tried cuffing season with real boundaries, I felt like I was reading from a script. But it saved me. Saying things like “I need slow pacing” or “I prefer scheduled check-ins” isn’t too much — it’s mature, healing, and low-key hot. Doing this saved me from heartache and made me feel like I had reclaimed my power for the first time in a long time.
Make a spring plan together
Unlike bad decisions, cuffing season has a natural end date. Decide if you’re treating this like a limited-series winter special or if you’re open to renewal. You won’t always stick to the plan — sometimes connection surprises you — but having one keeps things grounded, and lets you know if this connection is sticking around for season two.
Safety, Softness, and Staying True to You
As someone who’s survived more than a few kinds of winters, literal and otherwise, here’s my real hot take: Cuffing season should feel safe first, fun second, and romantic third. If someone can’t meet you where you are — in all your softness, strength, and boundaries — they’re not cuffing-season material, they’re actually not dating material at all either.
And if your winter sweetheart ends up being a friend, a crush, a community member, or your own company plus a very soothing playlist? That’s still a connection. Still warm. Still worthy.
Final Hot Take
Cuffing season isn’t about proving you’re desirable — it’s about choosing connections that honor the version of you that survived, grew, and is still here looking for joy. Whether you find your winter warmth in a partner, a situationship with clearly defined terms, or in yourself and a steaming cup of Abuelita hot chocolate — you’re doing it right.
This is so good! Cuffing season wasn’t a thing back when I was dating so I love that this article has ways to participate in cuffing season as someone in a monogamous LTR.