Our Best Memories With Our Worst Exes

Even bad relationships — or relationships that end in bad breakups — contain good memories. Even when it comes to the exes we by no means consider friends anymore, there are special places, experiences, objects, and adventures we shared with them once upon a time. It’s easy to remember the bad when it comes to a fraught or painful relationship. But I think it’s important to still remember the good, not in a nostalgic way but in a way that honors the person you were then and the complexity of romantic relationships, which so often can’t be summed up by or categorized as just Good and Bad. So I thought I’d take my own personal philosophy and ask a bunch of Autostraddle team members to share their favorite memories with their worst exes, prompting many an existential crisis about how to determine what “worst ex” really means. Naturally, we thought this would be a good one to hide behind the paywall so we could be a bit more candid.

What’s the memory you still hold onto of a person you’ve released yourself from? Share in the comments!

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1018 articles for us.

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2 Comments

  1. Omg I love this. Also I don’t think I have read anything by/about mal before but that is powerful <3 Love the variety in responses and how still everyone finds it hard to call someone their "worst ex".

    Idk if you also want audience responses on this but maybe I will just leave a comment and hope everyone else follows suit and also shares their experiences open thread style lol. My "worst ex" is also my best ex, the one relationship in which I was actually deeply in love at some point and in which we were deeply committed (living together, talking about getting married etc). She was my best ex because of all that love and commitment and attraction, and my worst ex because of the disappointment that followed all those high expectations we had, but hot DAMN there's a lot of good memories there, so many that it's really hard to pick a favourite. Like Kayla my ex and I were extremely food-oriented, so I'm gonna go with one of many, MANY happy restaurant memories and say the time we went to IHOP (very fun tradition for me as a European) and two older dykes seated right across from us called us "sisters" as they left. As in, "have a good day, sisters" or something like it, like we were THEIR sisters in dykedom. I will never forget that.

    • yes thank you for sharing, would LOVE if other folks chime in open thread style :)

      love the idea of there being a thin line between worst/best ex. omggggg this story is so powerful. here in Florida, there’s an IHOP where a bunch of queer people work and so a lot of queer people also go because it feels like such a safe and welcoming place so my wife calls it Gay IHOP lol. if two older dykes blessed me with the gift of sisterhood in an IHOP i would cry with happiness. thanks for sharing the story!!!!

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