Welcome to Things I’ve Never Asked! In this A+ series, we ask people we’re close to questions we genuinely don’t know the answers to! Here, Dani Janae interviews her brothers about their childhoods and shared memories, her being gay,  being adopted, what they think of her writing career, and more.

Dave, Dakota, and Dani in their freshest outfits

Dani: So, my first question is just what is your earliest memory with me?

Dave: We were standing at the front door getting ready to go out and I accidentally stepped on the back of your foot, like your shoe or your heel. And you turned around and didn’t say anything. You just clawed my face. I was like AHHHH and started crying, so that was my first memory. Me and you were young when that happened, I was about four or five.

Dani: *dies laughing*

Dakota: I guess my first memory was whenever I was starting Dilworth that year, I was going from preschool to kindergarten. And you were trying to give me a pep talk, You were like “if anyone messes with you just run to the steps” and Dave and Alaysza were like “yeah!”

Dani: *more laughter*

Dani: Oh my god, that’s hilarious. Okay so we’re all adopted and we were pretty young when we got adopted. So do you remember the conversation that our parents had with you about it?

Dave: Yeah I remember, I was always asking if they were my real parents, and then one day, it was the summer before 9/11, sometime around June or July, Janet pulled me in and was like “I have to tell you something, you’re actually adopted.” And I was crying because I was like, “I’ve been asking this shit for years” and other kids would ask me “is that your mom or is that your dad?” But that’s how she told me. She pulled me into a room, she told me, and then I was like, where are my real parents, and she got real mad and said “I’m your real mother.”

Also, Dave wasn’t even there, I don’t know where this nigga was. I was like “where are my real parents?” and she was like, “don’t call them that. I’m your real mother, they didn’t want you, they didn’t care about you.” And I was like, damn. She said, “when I got you, you were extremely sick, you had syphilis and you were extremely malnourished.” So I looked at her like she saved my life for many years.

So that’s how that happened. And then a couple of months after that two planes flew into the Twin Towers! I remember as soon as I found out I came and told Dani.

[A note from Dani]: my brothers and I grew up in a very abusive household, our mom would tell us these stories about our lives before we were adopted that we would have no way of verifying because we were all under 18. So we don’t know if this is all true. But the refrain that our biological parents “didn’t care about us’ was heard often.

Dakota: I was like, five or six. I was sitting in the living room on the floor watching TV. And mom and dad were behind us and something happened on TV about a baby or something that made me ask “when did you have me” or what my birthday was or something. It was a kid question. And she was like, “I didn’t have you, someone else had you and gave you to me.” And that was pretty much the gist of it.

About two weeks after that I went to her room and asked her something about it and she said “you have two sisters” and that was really all I remember.

Dani: Yeah. I don’t remember the initial conversation. But I remember. Like, after I found out, I was always asking her about my real mom and she would get real upset when you said “real mom.” And she was like, “I’m your real mother.”

Dakota: I said that one time and she was like “IT’S BIOLOGICAL!”

[more laughter, we laugh about our trauma a lot]

Dave: Yeah she would turn on those sprinklers [tears].

Yeah, she also told me, she had to have made this shit up, she was like, “your biological father was Puerto Rican and your mother was Black.” I get a DNA test and I have no Puerto Rican in me!

Dakota: I’ll tell you why they did it, the same reason they changed everyone’s name.

[here is a tangent about biological names for a minute]

Dani: I just wanted to ask about that. Because I feel like we all had very different experiences, like around our adoption stuff, like learning about it. And then like, our feelings about being adopted were different. Because I was always, well… I didn’t even know if y’all were ever like, upset about it. Or if you ever questioned who your real family was. So it’s good to know that y’all were curious about that. Because I thought I was the only one that wanted to know about where my biological family was at.

Dave: No, I wanted to know so bad, but I just couldn’t stand seeing her cry. She’d always just start fucking crying. So I just stopped asking about it at a certain point. I was so embarrassed about it so I didn’t tell anybody for years and years, because kids are mean and will make fun of you for that stuff.

Dani, Dave, and Dakota again in their finest 90s attire

Dani: So what would you say it was like growing up with me? Did we get along, did we like playing together and stuff, or like, did we have tensions?

Dakota: Not that I remember, I think everyone was pretty much isolated and stuff. Everyone was pretty much in they own room doing they own thing. We weren’t really encouraged to have a relationship, but there wasn’t no tension or nothing, everyone was doing they own thing, basically. Once you moved into my old room and Alaysza moved upstairs and he was in the room next to the bathroom, we were all just in our own rooms.

David: They raised us like criminals, keep them separated.

Dakota: And contained.

Dave: Yeah I always thought we had a good relationship. When we were, like, smaller I feel like we were all pretty close and we’d play together but when we got older, me, Dakota, and Dad would do our own thing and you, Alaysza, and mom would do your own thing. And then as we got older we started to be separate.

Dakota: Once we all got to a certain age we’d be in each other’s rooms maybe once a year. When I was like 13 and y’all were like 15, 16 I’d go in his room and take his clothes or something.

Dave: Thief!

Dani: So I remember, when we were small, we got along pretty well. And we’d play games and stuff like that. Like I remember Dakota, you and me would play James Bond. And we would make little guns out of the Legos. Do you remember that?

Dakota: Yeah we would all play James Bond, especially on a Friday night, we would just put that PS2 on. [He was talking about the classic James Bond video game.]

Dave: Dakota was telling me like a week or two ago that you beat Dad— or Dave— [our Dad’s name is also Dave] in a game of James Bond once and he lost it.

Dakota: I mean I would have been mad, too, but I wouldn’t have shown it.

Dani: Yeah, remember that. That was funny. But I feel like definitely when we got our own rooms, and especially when we got, like, computers and stuff in our rooms. We were definitely all just doing our own shit and not really hanging out. Especially right before I went to college. It was, at least, the way I remember it was very, we all were living our separate lives. And Dave, I remember the day I left for college.

You were asleep, and I was trying to say goodbye to you, but you’re asleep. And I was like, Okay. And I just left. And Dakota was probably not there. But yeah, I remember we were very distant in our teenage years, just like, not really talking to each other. Like, sometimes we’d see each other at school or something and we would be messing with each other or whatever. But for the most part, it was just like, pretty distant.

Dakota: Now we definitely didn’t have a normal sibling relationship, I didn’t really realize how dysfunctional we really were until I started being around other people, other families.

Dave: I thought all families were like that and then I saw other families and I was like, “your relationship with your family is just completely different.”

Dani: Yeah, for sure. Especially like, I remember observing mom and dad’s relationship. And I was like, oh okay, that’s normal. And then when I got to college, I was like, hanging out with my friends and going to their parent’s houses and going to dinner with their parents or stuff like that. And I was like, “Oh, this is so different from the way that we grew up.” People actually like their kids. And they like, get along and will have nice moments with each other. I don’t remember ever seeing them like give each other a kiss on the cheek or something like that. Or be affectionate toward each other in any way.

Dave: If that ever happened she would just be like “not now, your whiskers!”

[more laughter]

Dani: Yeah, for sure. Okay, so this next question is about, our relationship after I came out. Did you know that I was gay when we were younger? If so, how did you find out?

Dave: No I didn’t know, I didn’t know until you told me. Yeah, I didn’t know. But then when you told me, you know, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I didn’t think it was a deal at all. Like, I was just like, okay, and I started thinking back on when we were younger. And I was like, You know what, okay, I guess that kind of makes sense. Not “that makes sense” but yeah it’s just who you are.

Dakota: Yeah, when did you come out?

Dani: I came out officially when I was 12. I told my friends and mom when I was 12.

Dave: When did you tell me?

Dani: I told you when I was a little bit older than that.

Dakota: I don’t remember an actual moment but I guess I found out when I was like 16 so you were probably like 17 or 18, I came to realize you were gay. But for whatever reason, I wasn’t really that surprised.

Dave: Did you ever tell Dakota?

Dani: I don’t think we ever had like a conversation about it. But I remember when it was like a few years ago, we were talking and we were talking about my ex. But when we were still together, and you were like, “Yeah, I knew you’re gay. Because in high school, you’d have girls sitting on your lap and kissing you.” And I was like, oh!

[I thought I hid being gay from my family very well but I was just a little homosexual who liked to kiss girls at school!]

Dave: I remember Janet being hysterical about it and I was like, I don’t understand. And I remember Janet was going all around the house like, your sister thinks she’s gay!

Dani: I remember. I told her and then she, I guess, went to the church and like told people there. And then the next time I went to church, people were coming up to me like, “oh, we just heard we’re praying for you.” And I was like, what are people talking about? I had no idea.

Dave: That’s nuts man, you’d think you’d want to be supportive.

In the moment I just didn’t think it was a big deal. But I was like okay, cool. Then thinking back on, like when we were younger, I used to say kind of derogatory things like, “that person’s gay” Like saying that as an insult. And I’m like, man, like that’s sort of really fucked up thing to say to try to use it as an insult, and I was like “I’m kind of an asshole.”

Dave and Dakota singing happy birthday to Dani

Dani: Okay, so what do you think about my writing career and have you read any of my work before?

Dakota: You always were writing, but I’d say just this past, nine months ago now, you sent me a link to I think your website or someone else’s website but it was really good, real professional. I was impressed.

[there are too many sibling jokes in here that I had to cut out lol]

Dave: I’m wowed by your writing career, I can’t believe — honestly like, I’ll read some of your stuff and I’m just like, she just puts words together so well and like, you’re extremely talented. You’re just scratching the surface. You’re just so good at it and the content you write about — it’s funny and serious. It makes me, honestly, I get a little emotional sometimes and I’ll have to stop myself and say I’ll revisit this like five minutes I gotta get myself together. But yeah, you’ve always been writing since we were kids, One of my favorite memories with y’all was like summer or winter break or something? And we were doing rap battles and Dani was writing all the stuff because she was better at it. You remember that?

Dani: Yeah. *laughs*

Dakota: I remember back in 2015 you wrote me a letter, and the letters were so small and perfect and I was like damn! But yeah, I remember since as far back as I could remember you’d been writing.

Dave: I remember when you went to Allegheny College. I think you went there for neuroscience and I was like, damn, like, I know you’re extremely intelligent so I was like “good for you.” But in the back of my mind, I was like, why is she not pursuing some type of writing or something like that or poetry? Your poetry is absolutely amazing, too, like just all of the spoken word. The blog and everything. I mean I’m gonna be supportive obviously but you did start doing the writing more and here you are.

You ever Google her Dakota? Let’s Google her right now.

She’s got a whole little Google page about her!

At first, I was proud. Then I was like “what am I doing wrong?” *laughs* You got it, kid!

Dani at her grandparent’s house on their truck

Dani: Okay last question. Would you say you are proud of me?

Dave: Yes!

Dakota: Yes ma’am.

Dave: All I do is talk about you.

I mean, I couldn’t be prouder. Like you’ve like — you’ve done everything that I wish I could have done faster. Like, you cut those fucks out of your life. It took me a long time.

You were the first one that inspired all this shit that happened. Like honestly, if you wouldn’t have gone to college and moved out, I remember I woke up that day, and you were gone. And I was like, she really left! I just didn’t think anybody would ever leave, and that inspired me to get my shit in gear, like “I gotta try to go to college or, or move out, like try to get the fuck out of here.” And then even like, when you cut them off? That inspired me to, you know, move away and I couldn’t do it the way you did it. But yeah. And then even the way you changed your name. You don’t even identify with those people anymore. It makes me want to change my shit.

Dakota: You really been done with them for like ten years now?

Dani: It’s been on and off but for the past four years they’ve been blocked on everything.

Dakota: Yeah I’m not gonna lie, mom and dad were both fucked up to you when we were growing up so I was like, of course she doesn’t fuck with them.

Dave: They bullied you.

Dakota: But recently within the last year like he [Dave] kind of stopped fucking with them and I was the last one. And I was like, Okay, I see why they stopped fucking with y’all.

Dave: It wasn’t until starting to talk to both of y’all separately that I realized how fucked up they really were, and that’s when I started to see the whole picture. But yeah I’m extremely proud of you. I mean you had it the hardest of all of us.

Dakota: Now that he says that, you definitely did have it the hardest and a lot of people would have just been fucked up or something like that.

Dave: To see where you are now and the success you have right now Dani, like you’re just so…we’re all still so young, but just can’t wait to see where you go next. You inspire me every day. I couldn’t be prouder.

Dani: Awwww.

Thank you. All right that’s all the questions I had for y’all.

Dave: Okay I got a joke. What’s the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper? Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?

Dakota: No

Dave: That’s fucking disgusting.

It’s a dad joke! It’s very funny.

Dave, Dakota, and Dani pictured with international icon Santa Claus

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