I’m a sucker for a holiday romance. Give me all the fake snow, the fake small towns and the predictable plots. As long as the two girls kiss at the end, I’m in. That’s why when I heard about Tello’s The Christmas Writer, I was immediately seated.

Here’s the thing: I didn’t love this movie as much as I’d hoped. It has a lot of potential, and I could see what the creators were trying to do. The premise is cute, but there were some missteps that kept the movie from joining my list of favorites.

The Christmas Writer tells the story of Noel (shockingly not named for Christmas), a woman from a small town who has moved to the big city to exclusively write sapphic Christmas novels. That’s it! She just churns out one sapphic Christmas novel a year as her entire career.

When the movie opens, she’s back in her hometown on the last stop of her book tour. Her grandma is in attendance, as is her best friend, a chaotic lesbian who can’t even remember the name of the woman she’s dating. During a meet and greet, Noel poses for a picture with a fangirl, and as she begins to gush, Noel is whisked away.

The one person not there? Noel’s mom, who died an indeterminate amount of time prior to this book’s release. All we learn throughout the movie is that her mom was a beloved professor at the local college and Noel’s biggest fan. There was an attempt at bringing the mom directly into the story via voiceover, but it fell flatter than a poorly baked sugar cookie.

Missing her mom, Noel retreats back to her apartment in the city to find her girlfriend in their bed with another woman. And that woman is wearing Noel’s Santa hat. How very dare!

Ten months later, Noel is struggling. She reveals to her agent that she can’t complete her annual Christmas novel, but her agent assures her nobody was expecting one and cheerfully demands she get a head start for next year. Noel’s entire identity is her work, her agent reminds her; what will the sapphics do without her next Christmas romance?

So Noel decides to go back to her hometown and judge a holiday book contest hosted by bookstore owner Callie, who is, surprise, the fangirl from the year before. And that’s where the action really begins.

The Christmas Writer suffers from trying to cram too many tropes into a tight 90 minutes. We’ve got city girl/small town girl vibes, the dead mom who loved Christmas, making the lead too jaded to enjoy the holiday season, the divorced single mom, the lesbian best friend, and the eccentric side characters. I understand the urge, but the beats feel like you’re driving down the freeway with your head out the window — each new trope is a fly stuck in your teeth.

I think if it had stuck with the city mouse/country mouse trope, things would have unfurled more naturally and opened the door for some of the smaller pieces to fall in place on their own. With such limited time, more details and specificity would have enhanced the story.

Noel’s entire identity is tied to her being a writer. But we know nothing about what led her to become a writer, or how she got pigeonholed into writing sapphic Christmas novels, specifically. It’s not as if that’s financially lucrative! I don’t know any author who could afford to only write one book a year; especially if they support themselves. Does she have a rich benefactor? An inheritance? She doesn’t even have a roommate! What’s the cost of living in this mystery city?

She’s so tied to life in the “city,” but we don’t see enough of it to understand why. It’s pretty non-descript; lacking the hustle of New York City, or LA’s sun and fun. So why was she so desperate to stay? What fantasy was she sold as a kid that the city was where one goes to be a writer?

I also think if they leaned more heavily into the one trope, it would have solved my biggest issue: the relationship between Noel and Callie.

I used to write a lot of insta-love fan fiction back in the day, and that’s kinda what this felt like. I understand that due to the constraints of the holiday season, things have to move fast. But I also know that there are ways to make the romance feel earned. One of the things I love most about romance as a genre is the delicious, heady feeling you get watching two characters fall in love with each other. That did not happen here.

Callie starts flirting with Noel almost as soon as they meet, which confuses Noel, who finds herself drawn to this woman she’s just met without understanding why. It’s clear Callie’s driving the train asking Noel out on dates and bringing Noel into her home life with her young daughter. There’s minimal tension. And tension is where the magic happens!

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Callie lets Noel meet her daughter way too soon. And she makes it clear that Noel is someone she’s interested in romantically, which is only going to lead to heartbreak for everyone involved. I was a single mom with a kid once, and once they’re toddlers, you have to be careful. I was always wary of introducing him to women I was dating. In fact, he only met two women, and I married one of them.

Honestly, the chemistry was practically nonexistent. When the actors kiss, it doesn’t feel like the characters genuinely want to, it feels like the director told them to. Despite the script, the characters continued to feel like strangers throughout the movie. I didn’t even care if they ended up together in the end! Callie came on so strong, and then flipped it on a dime. When the conflict happened, which I could see coming from a mile away, it didn’t feel earned — it felt too easy, and I was more mad than disappointed.

I wasn’t really rooting for or against them; I quickly became ambivalent about their relationship. Noel’s best friend makes a speech about her inability to write and the magic of real-life holiday romance that I normally would have eaten up. But there was no soul behind it.

The Christmas Writer falls into the trap that more is more. But the best Christmas romances tell you exactly what they are and then deliver on that promise. A movie about a sapphic Christmas writer’s inability to write her next novel because she doesn’t have the spirit should have been like a Panettone, light, fluffy, and perfectly sweet. Instead, this was like a fruitcake; dense and boring.

I’m not saying don’t watch it, but I’m saying, temper your expectations. Maybe go read a sapphic holiday romance instead.