I was proudly pro-abortion before I was a mom. I’ve doubled down on that belief after becoming one.
Remi saved the holidays!
I want Remi to know that I’m here for her while also cultivating her skills for independence.
“Do you feel like we’re drifting apart?” I asked.
Everything my toddler taught me about prioritizing play.
I wouldn’t say I’ve escaped the Cult of Mommy completely. I’ve defined it for myself.
For queer couples, deciding to get pregnant often involves a lot of planning, money, and time.
There are no right or wrong answers in queer and trans parenting choices, just the decisions we make.
“You have to wear pants to go outside.”
Even though I didn’t get to experience A-Camp in the traditionally transformative way, I got an even deeper peek into the ways that this community is both very real and deeply caring.
I didn’t understand unconditional love until I met Remi.
“You girls are the talk of the ice-fishing derby!” I get that a lot. When we’re out hunting or fishing, my wife and I are frequently the only women (much less queer women) present.
What I’ve learned is that parents and moms especially, even cool radical-minded queer moms, even boss-lady moms with lots of confidence in their own abilities, really can’t escape the “working mom” BS.
It’s literally a social science experiment every day and we don’t have any control. That’s how it is with toddlers, I guess…
“She would have loved to carry our child. Would have met the body changes with joy. That she was physically barred from being pregnant did not make the situation easier. She hid it well. But now I understood why she looked forward to the birth with such clear-eyed intensity.”
Reclaiming queer procreation, dropping the last nap, stupid crows, Baby T. at A-Camp, and losta cute T. Rex pics.
Unfortunately, most parenting books weren’t written with queer moms, trans dads, non-binary parents and gestational carriers, and families that look like ours in mind.
“What I’m saying is, if you’re sitting in the legislative chamber trying to hear the floor debate and someone’s kid starts crying or yelling “Baby Shark!” please be kind to them.”
On top of how hard it is to be transgender in a cissexist world, it’s also really hard to be a child. It can be hard to have two moms in a heterosexist world. It can be hard to have a transgender mom. Put that all together, and I’m just one giant ball of anxiety who is frequently at a loss for the perfect way to help my child navigate the world.
For queer couples already facing marginalization in their lives and relationship before making the decision to become pregnant, the presence of a doula can be profound.