So You Want to Fuck an Able-Bodied Person

Able-bodied people: some are amazing, some are the worst, and either way, some are really hot. Don’t be ashamed if one catches your eye! They’re kind of everywhere; it happens. But for the disabled among us, meet-cutes and the events that follow aren’t so simple to orchestrate. Need a refresher on the rules of engagement? There’s no need to go it alone.

This chart isn’t the be-all and end-all—I stuck to what I know, which meant leaving out poly relationships, invisible disabilities, and many other noteworthy variables. I can only hope to inspire a wave of graphical humor illustrating what I could not.

In the meantime, may this one light the way as you begin your hero’s journey.



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Carrie's body is weird and she's making that work for her. She lives in DC by way of Los Angeles and has a conflicted relationship with social media, but you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram anyway.

Carrie has written 83 articles for us.


  1. Carrie, you are such a genius. I am so happy I got to meet you at camp and get to know you in real life.

  2. OMG

    So who else has a (totally appropriate, respectful and not at all creepy) megacrush on Carrie?

    • (Also is it weird that I can never confess an AS writer crush without reiterating that I have appropriate real-life boundaries)

      • Shucks. Well I have a megacrush on the entire Autostraddle world, so. Thanks for making my day.

    • Carrie is totally on the top of my list of folks to meet at A+ Camp (if I ever decide to attend). I love your work Carrie!!

  3. Have I never mentioned how much I fucking love a chart!
    Also, this one is so much more applicable to my life than the ‘which boyband member is your perfect date’ or ‘which dress will you be wearing to YOUR wedding’charts I was exposed to as a teenager.

  4. Carrie! This is fantastic. I love it so, so much.

    I feel so lucky I got to chat with you at camp!

  5. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH CARRIE!! I love this chart!! I could read it all day <3333

    You guys. Carrie saved Camp literally.

  6. Carrie, thank you so danged much for every word you write. I’m a queer gal with invisible (unless you’re like, really paying attention) disability, and I always find your work so touching and funny and true. The next time I want to do sex things, I might just show this chart to my potential partner. Or, you know, laminate a copy to keep next to my bed for reference. So real, so great!

    • If I was going to sleep with someone who had a laminated copy of this, I’d probably decide right then and there that we were inevitably getting married. XD

        • Aw, you’re welcome Carrie! I’m partially disabled, even though I generally refuse to identify as such.

          • Maybe us semi-disabled that mostly pass for 100% able bodied should come up with our own flowchart or something.

            Like: I trust this person enough to sex them, but can I trust them enough to pull my hip back into alignment after doing that repetitive motion I know I probably shouldn’t but I JUST know will probably make them see stars if I just keep going?
            Or better: Can I trust the person to save me from doing that thing I shouldn’t so they don’t have help me realign something afterwards?

  7. Great chart. I have no idea about to approach sex yet. I always wait for the other person to make the first move….which also explains why I’m single LOL

  8. Hi, Carrie. My friend with CP and I printed this article, translated into Japanese, and made a bilingual chart for our community to actually talk about stuff. We really appreciate your work lately and I would love to translate other articles as well.

    • Thank you so much, that means the world to hear. So glad it was helpful to you both. Would love to help you translate more articles if you’re interested! Email me at carriewade at autostraddle dot com and we can discuss!

    • “I choose my okcupid photos very strategically” lol yes! That tricky balance of ‘is this an accurate portrayal of my wonky-ass body’ and ‘ok but do I look cute though?’

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