Welcome to Two Lesbians Rank, part of Horror Is So Gay: Part V. After ranking every Stephen King film adaptation, Drew Burnett Gregory and Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya are back to rank slashers throughout the month of October. We’re going to take turns introducing each list, and this first one for Friday the 13th opens with a reflection from Kayla on her long and intense history with this franchise.
1980’s Friday the 13th was one of the first of the classic slashers I ever saw, when I was a baby gay and a baby horror fan. I was immediately drawn to the aesthetics of the setting. Summer camp had indeed been a site of simultaneous fear and arousal; I was the kind of girl who always left with a camp crush, often on a counselor (I even wrote about one of these crushes nearly a decade ago). I loved the late summer feeling to the film, a time filled with desire and dread. And I loved the low-key lighting, the way shadows and darkness play in frame. Sure, this is an entire franchise built on teens having sex and then being brutally killed. But like Camp Miasma‘s Kris drawn to the flame of Little Death, I was enraptured by the simplicity of bodily pleasures and bodily horrors in the film. I rewatch the first somewhat obsessively, at the very least on every Friday the 13th on the calendar. My wife and I have nicknamed our house Camp Crystal Lake.
But it wasn’t until this project that I’d seen beyond the first three films. I’d heard little snippets about them through the years, though still nothing could have possibly prepared me for some of the twists and turns the franchise takes (I will never forget the feeling of realizing Jason Takes Manhattan takes place almost entirely on a boat on its way to Manhattan).
And while none of them quite touch the original—it’s a catch 22: trying to merely replicate its formula yields something a bit tedious, but reinvention also sometimes lags with too much lore—I was pleasantly surprised by some of the wilder sequels and by the (rare but potent) threads of genuine character depth, especially characters deeply impacted by trauma. And then you get something like Jason X, easily the least nuanced of the batch but also so effective in its mashing together of slashers and space shenanigans that it not only works but also stands out as a legitimately fresh entry.
In lieu of a drumroll, please give us your finest ki ki ki ma ma ma……..
12. Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
I’m not a purist. By the ninth film, go ahead and shake things up. And I like the idea of Jason inhabiting new bodies. But everything else about this is horrible. The dialogue and acting are atrocious even for a slasher sequel and the whole thing is just so humorless. Bad characters, over-complicated lore, and very little fun. – D
11. Friday the 13th (2009)
Consolidating the first film’s backstory to the credits and the second film’s Jason aesthetic to a pre-title prologue works really well. Too bad the main storyline is such a slog. This is a Friday the 13th of the Saw/Hostel era and, while that’s not inherently bad, the torture becomes torturous when the writing and acting are this weak. – D
10. Freddy vs. Jason (2003)
Your experience of this crossover film likely depends on if you’re watching it as a Nightmare film or a Friday the 13th film. Stacked against other Nightmare movies, it’s not very good at all. But it can be somewhat enjoyable after watching a string of Friday the 13th movies. It’s almost like Michael’s proximity to Freddy elevates him a bit. The teen characters here are written like they’re in a Scream movie, but this isn’t as sharp or smart as a Scream movie. It has a very 2000 cast (good!) and very 2000 politics (bad!). I do enjoy Michael and Freddy—who are such vastly different villains—going toe-to-toe, and there are some sick music choices. There are some good ideas, but the execution doesn’t always match. – KKU
9. Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
If this was called Jason Takes to the Sea and they stretched the first hour out with a different ending, this would actually be pretty good. Then the next time he could take Manhattan! Instead, it feels like two underbaked halves that waste some decent characters and fun moments. – D
8. Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)
This feels like the first Friday sequel to be doing something new — and I’m not just talking about adding cocaine to the list of pleasures punishable by death. Summer camp has become a home for wayward youth and the new setting deepens the expected beats. While there is plenty here to make you groan, I like the way this plays with the violence of its traumatized protagonist. I also like the rare franchise attempt at a twist. – D
7. Friday the 13th Part III (1982)
Threequels have a special place in my heart, and I like the small ways this sequel (which directly follows the events of Part 2) breaks the patterns of the first two, occasionally surprising with its depth and dimension when tackling big themes of trauma and memory via protagonist Chris, who has come to Crystal Lake to confront her past. Speaking of dimension, I’ve always wanted to see this in its intended 3D format, so I’m hoping to catch a re-release one of these years! – KKU
6. Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)
Post-mommy, pre-hockey mask, the first Friday the 13th sequel is a solid teens have sex and get murdered at camp slasher movie. It may be formulaic but it’s a formula we know and love. It also has a great final girl! In his first outing as killer, Jason meets one of his most formidable matches: a child psychology major. – D
5. Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
Often nicknamed Jason vs. Carrie due to its inexplicably telekinetic young female protagonist, there are obvious King influences at play in The New Blood (in addition to Carrie, Firestarter comes to mind). But obvious influences aside, it really does view the most like a King story, themes of alcoholism, parental abuse, and a place determined to cover up its past threading through the usual sex and death formula. – KKU
4. Jason X (2001)
What makes Jason in Space more than a stupid gimmick is how well this works as a traditional Friday the 13th movie. A bunch of hot people who fit into various archetypes have sex and then are murdered one-by-one! Classic! Okay, so one of those hot people is an android, but doesn’t that just add to the fun? With future metal-enhanced Uber Jason and the setting of a spaceship, there’s a lot of early 2000s sci-fi silliness on display. But there’s also real attention paid to the fundamentals! Even the classic Harry Manfredini score remains with its own futuristic twist. This sequel was good enough for David Cronenberg, so why isn’t it good enough for you?? – D
3. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)
This sequel has one of my favorite casts of the franchise. They’re so solid from top to bottom and within a genre largely dependent on tropes and simple character motivations, this ensemble injects some specificity into their performances (and not just Crispin Glover who unsurprisingly delivers in that department—the scene of him dancing is a franchise highlight). A good (and memorable!) cast for these goes a long way. The ending is as unforgettable as the original’s, too. – KKU
2. Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)
Everything I want from a Friday the 13th sequel. There’s a real visual sense to this one with striking images and sharp edits. It’s also so goofy! Jason as Bond opening? Actually having kids at the camp including one who grumbles that they’re dead meat? I don’t come to this franchise for thematic depth and this has none. It’s just a really good slasher. Also it lets its final girl be stupidly horny. – D
1. Friday the 13th (1980)
Not all of our lists will place the original film in the top position, but this is one where it was sort of no contest. The franchise certainly never delivers a final act as enticing as this one, and the jumpscare at the very end remains one of the best in horror cinema. – KKU
