How Do I Tell My Anti-Pharma Date That I Take Psych Meds
Q
I’m seeing someone who is really really really anti- big pharma, it’s a big part of their personality. I agree with a lot of their opinions, I just also have really severe anxiety and do have a prescription for anti-anxiety medication and insomnia, but I didn’t want to tell them this at first because it just didn’t seem important and I didn’t want to mess things up early on. Now it’s been several months and we’re doing well, but I am definitely actively hiding this from them and don’t know what to do. I’m really scared if I tell them the truth, they’ll dump me or feel like I lied to them, or I will be adding to their narrative that people who take psych meds are in some sense people looking for copouts. I think if I was on medication for bipolar or something it would be different and she’d understand, but it’s hard for people to understand anxiety or insomnia since it’s something all humans experience at some level. Is there any way to handle this well?
A:
Summer: Ya know, if my partner were so aggressively anti-‘pharma’ that I was scared to mention that I’m on mental health meds, I’d consider it a red flag. Orange flag at minimum. Our partners should never make us feel afraid of normal disclosures. It’s arguably worse if they’re so intense about a topic that they make us fearful passively.
To me, the nature of your medication doesn’t matter. Even if you were abusing prescription meds or receiving them without a prescription, I’d consider that your business, your problem. But your partner should be in your corner of the ring. I think that handling your situation ‘well’ comes down to either telling them in a way you feel secure, or seriously re-evaluating this part of their personality. I’m sure your partner is cool in many respects (especially if you’re interested in being with them), but I don’t know if anyone is worth living a lie over. What if they ‘catch’ you with your meds or find them by accident and you have to ‘explain’? We’re grownups. We should not be fearful and think of justifications for basic medical decisions.
Valerie: I agree with Summer that if you have to hide something that big from your partner, it’s a red flag. The truth is, you have to tell them. You can’t hide something like this forever, and you have to know if this is something they will be supportive about or not. If they’re upset that you lied, you can explain it like you did to us; they were very intense about their beliefs, and you didn’t know if it was worth bringing it up in the early days. If they are against you taking medicine that is genuinely helping you, then their beliefs and yours don’t align as much as you might think they do. I think you can sit them down and try to explain it, try to explain that people use “anxiety” colloquially when they just mean stress but that clinical anxiety is just as real as bipolar or any other diagnosis. That it’s not like you can buy organic meds from a mom and pop shop instead of from Big Pharma, and you’re taking random drugs you decided on yourself. You have a prescription, and it’s helping you; if they can’t support that, they’re not the right person for you.
How To Take Hot Masc Thirst Traps
Q
Advice on taking thirst traps as a masc enby afab person? I’m not a selfie person really but I can’t even figure out what a good pose would be, it all seems so silly to me but this girl I’m seeing really wants me to send her some nudes. I haven’t had top surgery or anything and I’m not taking my boxers off…. what can I do topless that doesn’t emphasize breasts or feel silly?
A
Summer: Ooooh that’s an interesting question. I like that. I live for taking nudes (and do so professionally). And the first rule is that while there are popular angles and techniques, an individual person is flattered by very specific angles that need to be discovered.
Since you’re masc-leaning, I’ll dredge up pointers mostly aimed at men that I don’t use, but know about.
- Where women tend to take photos from a top-down perspective to make themselves look smaller, men who want to appear larger, stronger, or more imposing tend to favor bottom up angles. Bottom-up angles also place the shoulders closer to the camera than the head, making the shoulders look more impressive.
- Masculinity favors angles and posing that emphasize ‘mass’. They don’t feel as socially pressed to be dainty as women. Feel free to include parts of your body that are larger than others or larger than the norm.
- Use props and coverings to strategically cover parts you don’t want to expose and to direct the eye to exposed skin. Blankets and clothing can cover parts of you and show the rest.
And above all, it’s okay for your new partner to want to see you nude. But the decision on whether you should and want to always falls to you. It’s your call.
Mal: Less can be more. You don’t have to try to be what you think is socially sexy for mascs (i.e. biting your lip, making that slightly angry face). When creating try to recall and include the things she’s said she finds attractive about you. A tactic I try is propping my phone up and recording a video of myself, making slower movements and holding the pose in between movements. Maybe even eating something where parallels can be made and I’m in control of feeding their imagination. Then I review the video and screenshot whatever still I felt looked hot; The image I felt most confident in and sometimes I’ll create a shorter 3 second clip from the video that alludes to something thirst adjacent. As a masc whose often admittedly been a bit shy to send nudes I really like what Summer said about using props. I especially second what Summer said with the decision on whether you should and want to always falls to you. It’s your call. The most affirming, empowering, well received nude I’ve sent was something I fully wanted to do, on my terms.
Nico: Yes, and to Summer’s emphasis on doing what makes you feel comfortable. Speaking of, I am here to say that as you get started taking nudes — and this is true for everyone in general — please do not feel like it is wrong to take 50+ photos per session and to use only your favorite 1 or 2. This might feel too time consuming, and it does take a little more time, but making small adjustments to your facial expression, your pose, the angles, the lighting, the props will make a difference and then you’ll have options to choose from! Another piece of general advice is to not underestimate lighting when it comes to taking nude selfies. You don’t even need professional lights! I encourage you to experiment and see how it looks when, for example, you put a lamp on the floor (not visible but casting light) and pose with a towel in front of a full length mirror. Or how does it look when the sun is first coming up and you’re lying in bed? With the curtains open, closed, with them partially open and a well-placed ray of sun across a part of your body you want to highlight? I am not proposing that you create a photography studio for all your nudes, but I think you should feel free to manipulate your surroundings in order to get the results that make you feel good about sending this photo to a person you’re attracted to.
Also, “nudes” don’t need to be nude to be attractive. Standing in front of a mirror with an arm across your chest and the other hand cupping your groin gives you a chance to pose.
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